Homeschooling through chemotherapy

[mazakaal]

I haven't been on the boards much lately. We had a busy summer - visitors, trips away, moving house. Then school started up and I've found myself busier than ever. My 15 year old did a correspondence school last year so it didn't take much of my time. This year we've switched to My Father's World and other high school level courses that he does mostly on his own. But I have to stay on top of the subjects to help him and to be able just to grade his papers. So his school work is taking a lot of my time this year. I still do quite a bit of work one-on-one with the younger kids as well, so just homeschooling alone takes more of my time than ever. Add in more extra-curricular activities than we've ever had, and I've been going non-stop all day, every day. So I've barely had time to check in here in months.

 

But I could really use some advice at the moment and I'm not sure where else to turn. Dh had some symptoms a couple of months ago that brought him to the doctor. I thought it was probably a UTI, but it wasn't. Further tests showed a mass in the bladder. Doctors thought that they could take care of it with simple surgery, which happened last week. This morning we met with the surgeon and were told that the cancer has spread into the wall of the bladder. Dh will need chemotherapy and surgery. We meet with the oncologist on Wednesday to find out more. I know it's too soon to make any decisions, but I'm trying to think through options for how to handle homeschooling while trying to help dh through his cancer treatments.

 

Any advice on how to scale back or switch to less teacher-intensive materials? Should I look at online schools? Should I put the younger kids in school for this year? Should I just stick with what we're doing and have them do their work in the car (the hospital where dh will be getting chemo is an hour away) and in the hospital waiting room?

[FriedClams]

My dearest friend homeschooled through chemo. Here were her picks (she was treated through their 5th grade year, then homeschooled 6th to transition them to public middle school where they are doing awesome!!!) for 5th:

 

SOTW with tests written out

NOEO, with as many experiments as were interesting and appropriate

Saxon with dive (though I love art reed more!)

Daily grammar + easy grammar

Lots of extra reading

Latin (some DVD thing with flash cards -

We're not Latin-y here LOL)

Daily bible reading

Journaling and writing as assigned

 

I filled in when needed, but the kids had a checklist and worked through it. They're amazing. They're all doing great now.

 

Praying for you guys. I hope that even if the academics aren't awesome this year - that you can grow together as a family during this challenge. ((hugs))

[Mom2OandE]

No advice but I'm sending hugs and prayers!

[PollyOR]

:grouphug:  My knee jerk reaction would probably be to put the kids in public school for the remainder of the year.  But then, I would probably want them home so we could all stay close as a family.  

 

I had hernia surgery in February and my girls/teens were a huge help!  DH took care of me the first few hours but after that the girls were my nurses.  He went to work and took over my chauffeur duties but the girls were the ones who took care of the family and me.  Without them we would have been starving and wearing dirty clothes.  

 

edited to add - The reason I shared about my surgery is I think it shows how helpful your children can be.  Of course, you don't want them to fall behind academically, but serving the family due to illness can be a wonderful growing and learning experience.  In our situation it gave my girls a real confidence boost and it helped us grow closer.

[GTJo1996]

I cannot imagine what you are facing. Hang in there and keep a positive outlook.

 

I read an article once written about a homeschooling family that faced this same situation. The mom's friends and family were encouraging her to send the kiddos to PS to lighten her load. The mom said no. Afterward that looking back, the mom said that homeschooling allowed the kids more quality time with their dad AND helped dad's attitude to remain positive because he still felt involved in the homeschool stuff day to day. I personally cannot imagine trying to teach through that stress level, but I thought her perspective was interesting. The family lifted each other thru it.

 

My prayers are with you.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

My advice, as someone whose well planned out school year was derailed by my own cancer diagnosis last year, is to temporarily not worry about school work.  Do what you can do school-wise, but let the rest go.  Focus on getting your husband and family through this period of time, and when things have calmed down a little and your schedule can get a little bit back to normal, THEN worry about school.  The kids will be fine.  You might even be surprised by how much you/they actually ARE able to accomplish, even in the midst of chaos.

 

Just focus on your husband's health and your health.  The rest will wait.

[elegantlion]

My issue with public school would be that you'd be forced to follow their schedule. It really could end up being one more distraction. 

 

I'd try to stay focused on keeping the high schooler on schedule, 3 Rs for everyone else, and add some health related, so they can understand at their appropriate levels what is going on with dad. I would also try to keep a cathartic outlet, free time art, something to help get their minds off the situation once in a while. 

 

:grouphug: Wishing your family all the best. 

[Splash]

Not cancer, but dd ended up in PICU last September for 35 days then had many, many doctors appointments, treatments, etc. She receives a drug that is like getting chemo. We homeschooled through it all. It was rough, but we made it. My mother in law was a great help in keeping high schooler (freshman) and 7 yr old on track while I was living at hospital with dd. Other two did okay keeping up with school work. They did have to do some work into the summer months though. I also had one son in public school high school(senior) and I think he struggled the most with everything. It was hard to be there and concentrate, it upset him that they were all just going on with their lives like nothing was happening.

 

Older kids kept up their schedules, younger kids just did 3Rs. We had to learn to accept help with rides, food, watching kids, etc. It was a very long, hard year but we made it. Now we continue with the doctor visits and treatments but it is manageable. I did put my kids in a coop/teaching type setting that I pay for so that they have someone else to be accountable to if things get rough again. Her illness, insurance, etc still takes up a lot of my time each week.

 

Sorry to about your husband.

[TechWife]

Homeschooling might help your  family cope by keeping the family routine as much as possible. Also, he may be able to get his chemotherapy closer to home at a local hospital or doctors office but still be followed by his oncologist. Can your teens help with the younger kids during the chemo appointments so that they can stay at home as much as possible? That way their routine is interrupted less and they won't have the stress of being at the hospital or doctor's office all of the time. 

 

 

[Sara R]

Eight years ago I got a breast cancer diagnosis, and I asked this board for advice then. My kids were 7 and 5 (2nd grade and K) and homeschooled. People on this board urged me to put school on hold, or cut it down to the bare minimum. I had schooled long enough to know that even bare minimum school was a lot of effort for me. My oldest was struggling to learn to read, and I didn't want to have her be further behind because she wasn't being taught. And what if I was one of the 50% of the people with my diagnosis who didn't make it? With my parents' encouragement, and with a lot of guilt, I put my kids into public school before I began treatment. I thought it would only be slightly academically oriented babysitting, but I needed that.

 

And in hindsight, it was the absolute best thing for all of us. The kids did fine. They weren't bullied and didn't bring home bad words or traumatic experiences. Despite my belief that public school would be worthless academically, my daughter's reading improved. 

 

More importantly, school gave them a break from the stress level in our home at that time. Having your mom go through cancer treatment is really scary for a kid. In the school environment they can get a break from that adult-level stress and just be a kid.

 

I was afraid that not homeschooling would lead to less closeness at home, but this fear was also baseless. Actually my kids and I felt closer because I could just be the mom, and not the teacher who has to point out mistakes. Public school parents can also be close to their kids.

 

It was the best thing for me as well. I spent a lot of my time at doctor's appointments, or not feeling 100%. I rested while they were at school so I could spend time with them after school and help with their homework. By the end of the treatment I found that chemo made it harder to do anything mentally taxing. You won't have the physical effects of the chemo, but you will be distracted by the doctor's appointments and by caregiving, which can be just as difficult as actually going through treatment. If you are already going non-stop everyday, something has to give.

 

One of my son's friend's mother tragically passed away from cancer about a year ago.  The mother was still homeschooling the younger children. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to go through losing a parent at a young age, but it has to be harder if you have to simultaneously get used to going to school for the first time.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to encourage you that school might not be as bad as you thought, and that it can bring a lot of positives in a situation like this when homeschooling isn't as optimal as it would otherwise be. It was the right call at our house. My thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

[mamakim]

My advice, as someone whose well planned out school year was derailed by my own cancer diagnosis last year, is to temporarily not worry about school work.  Do what you can do school-wise, but let the rest go.  Focus on getting your husband and family through this period of time, and when things have calmed down a little and your schedule can get a little bit back to normal, THEN worry about school.  The kids will be fine.  You might even be surprised by how much you/they actually ARE able to accomplish, even in the midst of chaos.

 

Just focus on your husband's health and your health.  The rest will wait.

 

I just received my "you're in remission" news two weeks ago - two years with the cancer. My experience paralleled scrappyhomeschooler's. I was fascinated by my children's standardized test scores after a year of cancer-schooling (our state mandates yearly testing). They slid a bit in math, but all of them had huge jumps in their reading scores with more time to read than when so much more of their day was taken by directed learning. Not that I'd do that again, just that there was a silver lining.

 

More to the point, there are two dear women in our church who kept homeschooling through their husband's fights with cancer and both of them have expressed two things: that they feel guilty about especially their younger children falling a couple of years behind, and that they are so glad they kept the children home. That it was very difficult at the time, but both of the fathers very much needed that. And those younger children are catching up, of course.

 

I'm sorry you're having to go through this {{{hug}}}. It's so hard emotionally on the spouse.

[mazakaal]

Thank you so much for all of the responses. It's so good to hear from different perspectives. And so good to hear that people can go through this and come out the other end intact. :-) Thank you especially to those of you who shared your personal experiences. You are all so amazing. I am so overwhelmed at the moment by the daunting task ahead of us "but I feel strenghtened by your stories. Thank you.

 

I will definitely keep the 15 year old at home, but maybe find tutors for Spanish and physics, the most time consuming of his subjects for me. The youngest wouldn't have to go to public school necessarily. He has just started taking a few classes at a very small private school in our neighborhood. The head teacher has implied in the past that if we wanted to send him there full time, they would work with us on cost. I'm going to try to meet with him to find out more about that. And dd could possibly go to a brand new free school (British version of a charter school) that opened nearby. Both those are decent options, so I don't feel like putting them into school would be throwing them to the wolves. But I know that they would rather continue homeschooling if possible, so I'd like to try to make that work if I can. So much to think about and pray about. But I'm feeling better from reading all your responses, less overwhelmed, better able to face this trial. Thank you.