WWYD - teen wants to be at CC now but unmotivated to do work

[jenamiles]

I've posted about my 15 year old before and have gotten some excellent feedback.  I need to hear from some been there done that moms again.

 

My 15 year old has officially lived with us for one year next month!  Woohoo and Ugghhh!  She is an amazing girl who has a great heart for helping others; however, she has this belief that she can be anything she wants to be without ever actually having to do the hard work to accomplish it.  When she moved in with us she was way behind academically, emotionally, and mentally.  She had lived in a very controlling environment where you did not question stepmom and she was taught to believe she was stupid and would never amount to anything.  School was kind of an optional thing for her.  It was about socialization and not about education.  There was no benefit to actually trying to do the work and understand it so she just played the "I don't understand" card and they let her skate by.  She does have ADHD and very low reading fluency which impacts her academic fluency (that isn't the word on the eval but that is essentially it).  However, they stuck her in the Title 1 reading room for 5 years and didn't do much with her so it's no surprise she had low reading fluency when she came to me.  I've made her read here - that's it and she's already drastically improved her reading speed and comprehension.  She hasn't improved her reading retention much (think study skills) but that is another battle.

 

Anyway, that is the background of where she is academically.  She has decided she wants to be a nurse and believes that she should be in community college today in order to start pursuing that degree.  Verbally she is willing to do the stuff she is behind on with me - english, history - to get the bare minimum credits she needs for me to graduate her; however, anytime I require actual work from her she balks at how much it is and how difficult it is and how irrelevant it is and ....  She has even asked me if she can go live with grandma (who is in AZ) so that she can start the community college she wants to be at.  (My answer was not only no but hell no right now.)  Basically I've outlined exactly what she needs to do with her based on her goals to graduate high school and go to college prepared.  She hasn't done ANY of it.  (Well she's done math, but she likes math.)  But she still thinks she's ready for community college.  To clarify, she's NOT.  She's shown me nothing academically that shows me she's ready.

 

I'm honestly at the point where I want her to go next semester for one class even though I believe she will fail.  I can't convince her she has to work for what she wants. She believes I require too much when I know full well that I'm taking it easy on her. This has been a constant battle and her attitude is starting to rub off on my younger kids who used to love school.  (Now I have a 12 year old boy who hit puberty this year so it could be just as much him as it is her but her attitude hasn't helped.)  My thought is that if she takes one class at the community college it might be a wake up call to her that she isn't ready or that she actually does have to do work in life to accomplish something.  At this point, I'm willing to take the financial hit and the small time delay over the constant battling.  You can't tell her what she doesn't know.  I think she has to learn it the hard way to actually get it.  It's frustrating but I'm just not sure of another way. If she audits they won't require the homework be done so it won't be the same.  In her head it will still be easy.  I was originally thinking of sticking her in a science because she has to have it but the program she's looking at docs GPA for any science they have to repeat to get a B so instead I'm thinking of like an English class or Psychology.  Something she has to take but won't count against her later.  And maybe she'll surprise me, maybe she'll wake up and see the light - you have to work hard to get anywhere in life.

 

Basically I'm making a decision to set my kid up to fail because I can't teach her.  Am I making the wrong decision?  Should I be trying something else?

[Ellie]

I say let her go and get the grade she earns. 

 

Do English. Enroll her, let her take responsibility for the classwork--no nagging, no reminders, nothin' other than making sure she gets there.

 

I have no problems in general with doing community college instead of teaching something at home, especially with someone who seems to be motivated to be there.

[regentrude]

This is exactly what I would do. If she insists, let her try. One of two things will happen: either she will pull herself together and do an amazing leap - or she will fail. Let her try.

 

But would she even get in? Don't you have to pass a placement test? Maybe failing the placement test would be sufficient?

[Miss Marple]

There is a point at which some kids just don't do well with mom as teacher.  My boys were so much more motivated to work for someone else at about that age.  We did co-op for a while and then moved to dual enrollment.  It was definitely the right decision.  I'd let her enroll in a couple of classes - perhaps math since she is good at that, and let her see how much she needs to do to be successful.  She will also figure out where her weaknesses are and hopefully will work on those.  It sounds like she is ready to move on.  You can tell her she isn't academically ready all you want, but it sounds like she won't believe you.  Some kids need experience in order to learn :)  

[Brenda in MA]

But would she even get in? Don't you have to pass a placement test? Maybe failing the placement test would be sufficient?

I agree, let her take a class or two if she meets the enrollment criteria for the CC. At my local CC, anyone who wants to take classes there has to take their 3-part placement test that covers English, Math, and Writing. You can be exempted from the English and Writing if you have sufficient SAT scores, but everyone has to take the Math part.

 

I'd check with your local CC and if she is eligible, have her take the placement test. The results will let you know for sure that she is or isn't ready for classes there. If she isn't ready, maybe you could sit with a counselor there and have them tell her what type of preparation is required.

 

Best wishes,

Brenda

[kiana]

+1 to the placement test.

 

If she places into developmental english, I would definitely consider having her do the course there anyway if she's eligible. Developmental courses don't usually count in the GPA so that's an even better win.

 

[jenamiles]

Thank you ladies!  This is exactly what I needed to hear.  She has a meeting this afternoon at our coop program for the entry requirements and deadlines.  The coop we are doing this year pays for up to three cc classes a semester and walks her through getting in.  When we met with them last month they said she just needed to pass one part of the assessment exam to be eligible - math or reading or writing.  I'm fairly certain she can pass the math and will place in developmental english.  That is a great idea to have her do that one.  I think I'll have to pay for it (I don't think her coop pays for developmental classes) but I'm totally okay with that.

[mamakelly]

I'm not sure how it works where you are, but here if a high schooler fails a CC class they can't take any more CC classes until they graduate. You may want to check into that before you enroll her knowing she may do poorly.

[jenamiles]

Thanks mamakelly. I'll ask about it this afternoon at our meeting.

[JanetC]

The community colleges in WA have "high school completion" programs aimed at teen drop-outs, where they finish up their high school degree and earn either a professional certificate (most cases) or an AA (if highly motivated) at the same time. The one nearest my home is well-regarded for supporting kids with attitude/burnout, LDs, poor study skills, etc.

[G5052]

Yes, do the placement test and go from there.  I've had several friends do this with teens they were butting heads with, and it was a big wake-up call when the teen couldn't get in because of their scores. In my state you can't do developmental class for dual enrollment, but some states are OK with that.

 

I actually was so *glad* when the course I teach (not English) was changed to require a good English placement score or the first college English class as a prereq.  It has made a huge difference in the number of students who pass my course. Even the non-English courses require a certain level of reading and writing. 

 

Another option for a class would be a "student development" or "college skills" class.  This involves career planning, study skills, etc. Many community colleges actually require such a class.  The one in the state community college system where I teach is 1 credit, and there are options to take it over 4 weeks or 8 weeks.

[jenamiles]

Well the meeting went well last night overall.  She is now on a very short runway to meet the dual enrollment guidelines.  She has to take the Accuplacer by the end of the week and then get in to meet with the high school coordinator at the college.  She also had to apply and take a profiler to determine what interests her.  The only restrictions they have are she must take classes that meet her profiler interests, are 101 classes (no remedial), she must pass one area of the accuplacer to take classes (not all 3 areas), and if she drops after the deadline or fails we have to pay for it. She may only take one class the first semester and then she can take a full course load from there.  She is supposed to take the practice tests today (which she's had in her room for at least a month but hasn't done it) and then, depending on how she does, I'll drive her down to take the test.  She's excited; however, I'm still not seeing much motivation.  Yesterday evening she was "too tired" to look at the accuplacer info even though she has to take it in the next two days if we are doing this.  Head to desk!!!

 

As a small vent, the meeting last night was a mandatory meeting for all high schoolers interested in dual enrollment.  They handed out a deadline sheet and the first deadline is in 10 days.  By November 1st, she has to have applied at the college, applied with the Colorado Opportunity Fund, taken the Profiler, taken the Accuplacer, and met with the high school enrollment office in person.  Ummm... So I have 8 business days to complete 5 steps and you are telling me this now?!?!?!?  Did I mention we leave for Cancun on Saturday so really I have 4 business days.  Sigh!!! So on top of packing and shopping this week for that trip, working my full-time job, teaching my 3 kids, I have to jump through hoops all week and drive her 30 minutes away at least twice.  Woohoo!