Seasider Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 Thanks everyone. My current problem is that SIL is still not speaking to me. This makes me so sad as I never dreamed that this would turn into something so big. I'm trying to figure out what to do. We live in the same town and she is hosting our extended family Thanksgiving this year. I hate conflict. :( Maybe you can just put on a big smile and kill her with kindness. If she brings it up, just keep to "I'm sorry that didn't work out" and pass the bean dip. If she chooses to wade in the pool of bitterness, that's her choice. You don't have to swim with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 Excellent response, brehon! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Kate Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 Yet another perspective. . . The s-i-l "set up everything . . . has all the plans in place and clothing ordered. . ." At no point does it appear that the s-i-l asked OP whether the plan appealed to her and to OPs family. S-i-l chose the date without obtaining a choice of dates and asking OP whether any of them would be convenient. S-i-l assumed that OP would be willing to pay her half of an expensive photographer. S-i-l dictated the specific clothing to be worn. (This last sounds like the typical tyrannical bride-to-be.) No, I don't see OP as the villain of the play. Yeah...this is pretty much what happened. SIL called as I was taking dh to the hospital for knee surgery and asked what I thought about the pic. I told her it sounded like a good idea, but I was taking dh for surgery. All other communication was done via text (normal with SIL). She just ran with it. When I told her that the date may not work for us, she never offered an alternate date. She told me white shirts and jeans but it didn't respond at that time (looking back, I should have said something then). Nothing else was said at that time. Two days ago I saw SIL and asked her about the pic. She said yes we were still doing it and I need to buy white polos for my family (she ordered some for her own family). The conversation was quick. Shortly after she left (after thinking and talking to dh) I texted her. That is when this whole mess started. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aggieamy Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 I read these posts and it makes me realize that I'm the SIL. Here's what I would be thinking ... "I made it so easy for them! I made the appointment. Figured out the clothing. Found a great photographer. Figured out a great gift for those hard to buy grandparents! I don't understand why DH's sister is mad at me?!?! Her voicemails sounded short and snippy to me." Doesn't mean one person is right or wrong it's probably two different personalities trying to work together. Sometimes it's great and sometimes feeling get hurt. There are some people that would never be friends with a person like me. The would think a person like that is controlling and bossy but that's not how we see ourselves. We see ourselves as planners that get things done! I have a few really good friends that love that they can mention wanting to go to Chicago on a trip and I send them a text message three days later with two dates to choose from and what the estimated cost per person will be. Thanks everyone. My current problem is that SIL is still not speaking to me. This makes me so sad as I never dreamed that this would turn into something so big. I'm trying to figure out what to do. We live in the same town and she is hosting our extended family Thanksgiving this year. I hate conflict. :( Bring a bottle or two of her favorite wine at Thanksgiving. Be upbeat. Don't worry about it. Her feelings are probably hurt right now but if she's the personality I think she is then planning a feast and getting everyone together will put her in a great mood and all will be forgiven. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom0012 Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 I think this is what I will do. Which leads me to another problem...prior to my SIL having this idea, I had already scheduled and paid for a family pic for my own little family. It is the following weekend. So I likely won't be buying tons of photos from this photographer. Ugh... Frankly, if you originally told her you wouldn't be able to do it, I'd just forget about being in her pic, and follow through with one of your family. I think it could be just as nice to have photos of each family rather than one photo of everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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