Is one of your goals to move your student toward independent learning in high school?

[momee]

I'm worried that I've left off some of my responsibility (don't know how to word it exactly) towards the oldest in our home school.  We have outsourced the majority of her classes this year.  I think the worry is that it is "my job" to be teaching her and that I may be relegating a responsibility that should be my own (again, not sure how to convey this).  

 

I hate those home school mom guilt moments. I do check over her work, dialogue with her about her core work that I'm supervising, but for the rest, she's under the instruction of other teachers.  (And doing excellently, I should say.)

 

Off to re-listen to SWB's Teaching Children to Learn Independently (again) and be reassured that in 10th grade, this dd is doing just as she should be for her own education.

 

Any comments you can add to the wisdom SWB has already shared about independent learning would help. Any links you know of to old threads with great wisdom about this from those who've btdt would be great too.

[Candid]

I think you are making a false distinction between out sourcing and independent learning. They are not the same nor do they preclude each other, same with education you do at home.

 

To me independent learning is when a person decides they want to learn some knowledge or skill set and they find a way to teach themselves, That way might be enrolling themselves in a class, it might be reading a book, or watching a master craftsman, it will vary by learner and goal. 

 

The real question on this that I would ask about my child and out sourcing is does the child come to you with questions and commentary about the class? Are they running what they hear in class through the filter of logic and facts they already possess? OR are they just passively taking it in?

[Julie of KY]

Yes, I think we should move our children to learn more independently as they get older. However, what this looks like for each child may be very different.

 

I don't think learning independently means that you have to outsource everything. This is certainly one of many ways to do it. Eventually our kids need to move on from mom, and hopefully there is a progression of them becoming more independent as they get older.

[momee]

Thanks, Candid.  I'm not sure I'm wording the issue correctly and your response has helped me clarify a bit.

 

Maybe I'm having trouble adjusting to the change from being totally responsible for almost all of her classes since preschool.  Just trying to dialogue with other hs moms and make sense of it all.

 

[momee]

We haven't outsourced everything.  Maybe what is giving me pause is just a change from making the lessons, teaching them and doing them with her.

 

I also have two other children, for whom I am "at the elbow" most if not all of the time.  

 

She's doing what SWB said she should be...checking in daily but most times two/three times a week instead of subject by subject.  And that is a GOOD THING. :)

 

Maybe I'm just lamenting the new stage she's in and that's she's growing up so fast?

 

[Brenda in MA]

We haven't outsourced everything.  Maybe what is giving me pause is just a change from making the lessons, teaching them and doing them with her.

 

I also have two other children, for whom I am "at the elbow" most if not all of the time.  

 

She's doing what SWB said she should be...checking in daily but most times two/three times a week instead of subject by subject.  And that is a GOOD THING. :)

 

Maybe I'm just lamenting the new stage she's in and that's she's growing up so fast?

Sounds like you're doing everything just right! If your dd is thriving with the "new" set up, and she's working on her scheduled assignments without undo nagging from you, I say, "Count your blessings!"

 

You probably are missing the closeness you had working directly with her so much before, but growning up does mean eventually separating from one's parents, so it was bound to happen anyway. I'm going through something similar with my 12th grader, and it is a little sad, but I'd be more worried if he wasn't separating at all.

 

Cherish the time with those kiddos; it goes by so quickly.

 

Brenda

[Candid]

Thanks, Candid.  I'm not sure I'm wording the issue correctly and your response has helped me clarify a bit.

 

Maybe I'm having trouble adjusting to the change from being totally responsible for almost all of her classes since preschool.  Just trying to dialogue with other hs moms and make sense of it all.

 

Being responsible and to work on time and being able to break down big projects are also important skills, They can be obtained at home, but you have to monitor yourself to make sure you're not allowing them whatever time they want.

 

Also, an important goal is to be able to learn something that isn't catered right at them, to be part of a big group, to learn from a jerk of a teacher. This will be important not just in college, but in life. 

[momee]

"you have to monitor yourself to make sure you're not allowing them whatever time they want."

 

oooh.  Something new to worry about.  Just kidding.

 

This is important for us right now though, thanks for saying it.

[KarenNC]

I'm having some of these concerns with my 8th grader. She's in several outsourced classes this year, many more than previously, and it feels odd working to let go of some of those subjects. I have to admit I have problems with not being in control, after having done basically all the teaching since she was 4. It also bugs me not to know exactly what the content is for each class, especially when I get the typical teen response to, "So, what did you do in class today?" Doesn't she understand I need to *know* everything? :001_rolleyes:   There are definitely times I look at our schedule and feel like maybe I'm a slacker since we're only doing a few things at home, but I remind myself that we are doing things this way for a reason. We chose to outsource more so that she can spend this year really internalizing what it's like to meet deadlines imposed by others, keep track of assignments on her own, manage her time, etc prior to the all important high school transcript and GPA ;) .

 

I'm glad it's working well for your daughter and it sounds like you've prepared her well. Our learning curve (on both sides) is a bit steeper, probably due to her age. For instance, this morning, while glancing at her assignment for an online literature class, I mentioned that the topic for the two page essay due today sounded interesting---she had not realized it was two pages and had to scramble to flesh out what she'd written. She also couldn't find the book she needed from the library (which we checked out 2 weeks ago so that she would have it) and realized it got mixed into the return pile before she read it, so now she's scrambling to find the info she needs to participate in the online discussion this morning. <sigh> It's hard to step back and let her flounder. After the class is over, we will be revisiting the need to fully read assignments *in advance,* putting those assignments in the planner/schedule so as not to be caught flat-footed, and keeping track of materials. All of this is after I was ready to wring her neck yesterday over a meltdown about an assignment in another class, one she is perfectly capable of doing, then squeezing in a trip to the library for a book she "*had* to have:" for English. It turned out she didn't really need it, just decided on her own it should be part of the assignment. :willy_nilly: :banghead: I know the full moon was last week---this must be the "make your mother lose her mind" phase of the moon.

[Melissa B]

My dd 15 has all of her classes outsourced this year and will likely outsource all of her classes from here on out. I don't think I am concerned so much as sad for what will never be. I read on here what other kids are doing at home during the high school years and have to realize that my dd will never do those things, or at least will never do them at home - with me.  I spent many years getting her to this stage and yet I will never get to enjoy the in-depth class discussions and experiments and projects that I read other students doing at home. But I also have to accept that this is really more a personal issue for me rather than a legitimate concern.  I wanted to do those things with my daughter. But she wants to be in the outsourced classes. She is doing really well, she's happy and her future looks great. I no longer have any input in her day-to-day studies. I am relegated to making sure she eats right and gets enough rest. I am still occasionally her personal taxi service and often the sympathetic ear, but not her instructor in any way. I am sad that there are books she may never read because I didn't assign them to her, and deep discussions we may never have together, but I do not believe I am failing her. She has made different choices and it is more important to me that I support her as she grows into the person she wants to be, rather than the person I imagined her as she was a small child.

 

[SailorMom]

I don't expect independent learning,,,, ever.  I mean - as an adult with free time, I like to learn new things, but you won't see me picking up a calculus book for fun....

I do hope that we achieve some level of intrinsic motivation :)

[momee]

"We chose to outsource more so that she can spend this year really internalizing what it's like to meet deadlines imposed by others, keep track of assignments on her own, manage her time, etc"

 

Exact reasons we chose to outsource as well.  Thanks for reminding me what the goal was, and how we are meeting it.

That is truly cause for celebration.  Not guilt.

I.  Just.  Hate.  Guilt :)

 

Karen - I had the same issues with my older son.  We fought and fought.  I wish!!!!!!! I could had stepped back and been more allowing of his mistakes being his, not mine as you seem to have a good handle on with your dd.  Good for you.  Hang in, those moments seem forever, but they are truly over quickly.  Wish I could have them back.

 

Melissa - I bet you are teaching her far more than you realize.  Just might not be about the Trojan War or Augustine.  Make the most of those "taxi" rides.  I'm sure she'd love to hear your wisdom.  Thanks for sharing.

[Ellie]

It isn't your job to teach every.single.thing. It is your job to see that it gets done. :-)

[Sisyphus]

Ds has only 2 non outsourced classes, but they are the ones we both love- English and history. It wouldn't be possible to find a class that allowed him to explore the areas in those subjects he wants, so they are all ours. The other subjects he is basically "checking the block" on, are outsourced. Two he is passionate about but I can't facilitate (foreign language and arts) are also outsourced, but I'm glad to have it available.

 

I imagine next year he will have only 1 non outsourced class, and senior year, none.