Weaning Question

[Melissa in St Louis]

:blush: (Melissa in St Louis takes a deep breath, and decides to ask even though she's embarrassed...)

 

DD turns 3 in Sept....she still nurses at night....Although I've totally loved nursing her this long, I think it is time to stop (she however, does not). Sooooooo, I read online tonight about putting lemonjuice or vinegar on the "scenes of the crime" and that usually after trying a few times, the toddler will not want to nurse any longer.....I'm tempted. :001_huh: Is this wrong? Is she going to hate me? :tongue_smilie:

 

 

Goodness. :confused:

[Remudamom]

Nothing embarrassing here....but maybe it would be less traumatic if you weaned her slowly?

[Carol in Cal.]

Maybe you can explain it to her and offer her some other affection that is supposed to be the substitute. That is what I did with my DD when she was about 28 months old. Otherwise, she would probably have continued for quite a bit longer. (I had to take some drugs that were not compatible with continuing to lactate, even by pumping.)

[Jenny in Atl]

One way you can start is with the don't offer don't refuse method, slowly cutting out a session at a time. This coupled with distraction can start the process. She is old enough that you can start talking about her being a big girl and finding other ways to get in that snuggle time at night. My dh used to scratch oldest dd's back while he read her a book. She weaned late ~ at four. I was pregnant and really needed her to stop. It took a few weeks, but it was much less traumatic than if I had weaned her cold turkey.

 

hths!

[Melissa in St Louis]

She is weaned excedpt for falling asleep at night and once at night. DH needs time away with me and my mom hates that DD cries when she keeps her overnight b/c she wants "milks." My mom has watched her overnight 2 other times and I guess it was horrible. :tongue_smilie:She nurses for a bit awake, then rolls over and falls asleep w/o nursing, so she is not technically nursing when she konks out, she just needs a sip. I have been telling DD that soon we will be drinking milk from a cup like big brother. I think, as much as I have loved nursing her, I am also ready to stop. :001_huh: DH works nights, so no way he can help w/ this at all.

[Joanne]

I think it is time to stop (she however, does not). Sooooooo, I read online tonight about putting lemonjuice or vinegar on the "scenes of the crime" and that usually after trying a few times, the toddler will not want to nurse any longer.....I'm tempted. Is this wrong? Is she going to hate me?

 

I nursed each of my kids past this age. ;)

 

But I think that putting lemonjuice or vinegar is a passive/aggressive and not healthy way to wean a child.

 

If you want to mother-decided wean; just do it. Don't expect her to be happy about it, don't expect her to accept it, don't expect her to buy into it, agree or want to be "a big girl".

 

Weaning is a perfectly acceptable decision for a 3 year old child. Night weaning, especially so! But make it your decision; take responsibility and ownership.

 

"We are not going to have milkies anymore. We'll cuddle (read, walk, sing, whatever) instead."

 

For many kids, you'll need to *not* give in or what they learn is that if you ask "X" amount of times in the right tone, you get milkies.

 

The following links may be appropriate for your situation:

 

http://goybparenting.com/morejo/?p=6

 

http://goybparenting.com/morejo/?p=3

[Once]

Here are some thoughts that may be helpful. Although they all take some planning and time to implement.

 

Slowly weaning can include things like.....

 

- moving to a different location, like sitting up right in a chair, until she drifts off to sleep (still holding her of course)

 

- setting a glass of water beside the bed for her to drink before she nurses for a few weeks. (heck get her a glass of warmed milk if you want:))

 

- tell her she needs to stop nursing after a song is sung and make it gradually shorter and shorter each time

 

- take her off sooner and sooner so that she learns to go to sleep beside you instead of nursing to sleep or even ask her to wait a few minutes. (Go to the bathroom, get a glass of milk etc. then nurse her)

 

- if she is nursing during the day the just let her know that *they* need their sleep too and offer quickly in the morning.

 

- another might be to get dad to find a way to get her to sleep when she is OK with that and sequey into night duty for dad sometimes until she knows she's done. At least it opens up your options when you are feeling over whelmed.

 

- giving her lots of sensory input during the day that involves her mouth - gum, jello, straws, crunchy foods and smooth foods, hot and cold, she may be holding onto long term nursing because of sensory issues and she *needs* the input more than the nursing itself.

 

 

Although these things work better if you have done some of them during day weaning, at three you might just get some co-operation if you talk to her during a time of peace and daylight. Let her know she is loved and that someday she will not be nursing...point to grown dc and let her know you still love them and they do not nurse anymore. Bring it up during a causal conversation and do not expect her to agree with you. Just say it as you are doing other things. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Smile. Smile. Smile. Eventually it will start sinking in.

 

I do understand your reluctance to go public with this question. I have nursed toddlers and some people will be fairly judgmental. Don't worry she will wean and you will not harm her by just saying no sometimes. The transition to *fully* weaned can be a long haul for some kids and moms. If you are just done and get the heby jebies when you nurse you might want to just say no. (I say this knowing how difficult this can be in the middle of the night).

 

Blessings to you. It can be tough for some kids. You've done well by her to last this long and she can be ready for the next step with a little planning and care.

 

As always - Take what works and leave the rest! :001_smile:

 

 

PM - me if you want. BTDT!

[lighthouseacademy]

:blush: (Melissa in St Louis takes a deep breath, and decides to ask even though she's embarrassed...)

 

DD turns 3 in Sept....she still nurses at night....Although I've totally loved nursing her this long, I think it is time to stop (she however, does not). Sooooooo, I read online tonight about putting lemonjuice or vinegar on the "scenes of the crime" and that usually after trying a few times, the toddler will not want to nurse any longer.....I'm tempted. :001_huh: Is this wrong? Is she going to hate me? :tongue_smilie:

 

 

Goodness. :confused:

Please don't put lemon juice or vinegar there. Nursing has been a special relationship between you and it has fond memories for her. I think that would be mean.

 

That said, my 2 yr old was nursing until May when it had to end. I was leaving for a week for a final seminar that had to be this summer and I would not be able to nurse her. I didn't want her to nurse anymore because I didn't want that separation to be as traumatic for her as it would be if she were still nursing. I had already night weaned her using Dr. Jay Gordon's methods (I have used it for all 3 kids to night wean). She was still nursing for bed. The Friday before Memorial Day I told her that this would be the night time she would ever nurse. I allowed her to nurse as long as she wanted. We snuggled, we cuddled, and I laid down with her and snuggled my little nursling for the last time and dozed off for a bit too. It was wonderful. She fell asleep in my arms and then I put her in her bed. The next couple of nights, she wanted to nurse and she and I both cried a few times. I explained that nursing was all done and that I knew she was sad. I rocked her and hugged her and loved her through her tears (and mine). After about 3 or 4 days she was content to rock and no longer asked to nurse. I cherish the memory of nursing her that last time because it was so peaceful and beautiful.

[Mrs Mungo]

I'll only tell you what I did with my eldest. She was only nursing at night at 2 1/2 and I was pregnant. I was done. So, I talked to her, told her we were going to stop. That's when hubby took over bedtime (he already handled baths so it was a fairly easy transition). We gave her a bath and fed her a banana, cheerios, oatmeal, something filling. I read to her, hubby took her to brush her teeth and tuck her in. He'd rub her back or whatever. If she asked to nurse he'd offer a drink instead. Since she was no longer nursing at night she sometimes asked to nurse during the day. I'd offer to read or play playdough or something like that instead. It was relatively painless and tear-free for us.

[Mandy in TN]

When my youngest turned 3, I decided that I was done nursing him. For me it was time. I also agree that you shorten the nursing length. I would let ds nurse for a short time and then I moved my ds to having his face on top of my shirt, but allowed him to keep his hand on my tummy. I shortened more and more until finally I moved to just starting with his head on top of my shirt and his hand on my tummy to snuggle for a little while.

 

The middle of the night is harder, because you are tired and don't want to wake up all the way. I agree that if you feel that it is time to quit then you just have to tell her no. Then, expect for her to be upset and tell you about it- sometimes loudly. I dealt with the going to sleep before I dealt with the middle of the night.

 

HTH-

Mandy

[Melissa in St Louis]

First off, glad to hear I am not the only one nursing this long. :D Thanks, ladies, for all the imput. We are going to gradually stop with the goal of her being able to go to my mom's over night on the 18th a bit more non-dependant on "milks." Thanks so much. Your stories are all so warm and reminded me I'm not alone. :grouphug:

[Mom2legomaniacs]

Not alone in the least! Both of mine were between 2.75 and 3 years when we stopped. It was beautiful, but time to end. Go gently and have loving memories of that special time. I hope it goes smoothly for you both. :grouphug:

[beansprouts]

But I think that putting lemonjuice or vinegar is a passive/aggressive and not healthy way to wean a child.

 

If you want to mother-decided wean; just do it. Don't expect her to be happy about it, don't expect her to accept it, don't expect her to buy into it, agree or want to be "a big girl".

 

Weaning is a perfectly acceptable decision for a 3 year old child. Night weaning, especially so! But make it your decision; take responsibility and ownership.

 

"We are not going to have milkies anymore. We'll cuddle (read, walk, sing, whatever) instead."

 

For many kids, you'll need to *not* give in or what they learn is that if you ask "X" amount of times in the right tone, you get milkies.

 

 

 

 

I completely agree with Joanne. All of my babies nursed until they were old enough to discuss weaning. It wasn't always easy to deal with their protests, but I think it was right to be honest with them. Allowing them access while knowing (or hoping) they would be repulsed only seems deceptive to me.