How to handle conflict with cousins

[Eln]

A video was shared from a 13 year old girl cousin with girl cousins ranging from ages 14 to 7. My two daughters, who were part of the group, refused to watch it and one of them came and told me. My husband was pretty upset and confronted the cousin who was watching it. Come to find out his sister, the girl's mother. had given the okay for her to download this video and show it to her cousin. We are now be labeled as judgmental and sheltering our children! This is NOT the first time something like this has happened. Their solution is that the younger ones can leave the room and also the children need to learn how to get along without parental supervision and if someone tattles they will get in trouble along with the trouble maker

 

Appreciate any input.

 

Ellen

[Leav97]

aside from being a really crappy song, yes. There isn't anything in that video that would bother me.

[zoobie]

It's a sad woman alone in a tub. I wouldn't have an issue with my kids watching it, other than I find her music offensive to my ears. The lyrics are bland. I would be puzzled by anyone being upset her teenager saw that. If you muted the singer, it could be a bad Calgon commercial.

 

Claiming to be born again Christians? One music video gives you a peek into their souls? Even if it were racy, that's kind of a leap.

[Eln]

There were children as young as seven in the room and I feel it was played to get rid of the younger ones that weren't supposed to watch it. Maybe we over reacted, but there's a long history of bullying the younger ones from the older cousin, without any consequences. So it wasn't as much about the video as the attitude behind it.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I don't really care for Rhianna. I'm not the greatest fan of music from naked women in tubs. However, in my opinion, that's beside the point.

 

The point is that when you choose a counter-cultural life, people won't like it. :p The right to our convictions and the ability to raise our kids like most people don't---well, there's no guarantee of approval for that. If you want to blend in and get approval you should just do whatever the people around you are doing. Standing out means standing out; then you work on your own attitude toward being different.

 

If you don't want your kids watching the media that is allowed at someone's house, you either have to request that they are not shown it, or don't let your kids go over there without you. There's no need to say they aren't Christians because they have a different standard, just like there's no need for them to label you as too sheltering or judgmental.

 

Disagree in a mature fashion. If somebody else can't meet you halfway, or handle agreeing to disagree and finding entertainment suitable for both households, then maybe they aren't the best friends for your family. And you have to meet them halfway, stating your family rules calmly without calling their very souls into question.

 

I hope this does not seem too blunt; it's not meant to be. I'm just hoping to show you that there will be a lifetime of these instances for a homeschooling Christian family with atypical standards for media. Set the tone for yourself and your own household now, that this is what we do, other people do things differently, we're not going to wig out about that but instead look for things we can do with our friends without violating our own conscience or judging theirs.

 

~Tibbie, who pretty much hates all television and pop culture yet has managed to raise teens who mostly agree with my standards but who can calmly navigate modern society anyway. I have been where you are and survived.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

There were children as young as seven in the room and I feel it was played to get rid of the younger ones that weren't supposed to watch it. Maybe we over reacted, but there's a long history of bullying the younger ones from the older cousin, without any consequences. So it wasn't as much about the video as the attitude behind it.

 

OH. This is not the same topic as your original post.

[kitten18]

I have no problem with it.

I like the song too. :coolgleamA:

[TracyP]

There were children as young as seven in the room and I feel it was played to get rid of the younger ones that weren't supposed to watch it. Maybe we over reacted, but there's a long history of bullying the younger ones from the older cousin, without any consequences. So it wasn't as much about the video as the attitude behind it.

 

That is a completely different question than the one stated in your OP and I can't help you there. FWIW, we only watch PBS and sports, and we mute the commercials during sports because we are overprotective parents, lol. I would have no problem with any of my kids watching that video.

[Eln]

Thanks! I agree with what you posted. It just harder since they're family and we've had to deal with this one cousin without any support.

[WishboneDawn]

NM. :)

[T'smom]

Well, you have a much larger age spread than what we have with cousins. But our general strategy is that (while we are together and the kids are playing) that one no from any parent equals a no for everybody. We've turned off tv shows that one set of parents felt wasn't appropriate. There is plenty of time to do what your cousins aren't allowed to do when they aren't around. Of course, the cousins (7 under age 6) are much younger, so ymmv.

[Eln]

T'smom We talked about respecting each other's differences and trying to be a good example for the others while we're all together, but the two sister-in-laws with the older girls didn't agree. :(

[LaughingCat]

I think the proposed "solution" is completely ridiculous - BUT ... I think in a situation like this, where the parents aren't in agreement, you do have to teach your children just to walk away when they aren't comfortable. I would try to have other fun things they can do rather than "hang out" with the cousins. And if it's fun enough then maybe everyone will want to join in.

 

FWIW, with such a big age range I do think it's important to allow time for the older cousins to do things without the younger cousins. It can be hard on the olders to have to "play down" all the time and often the youngers tend to follow the olders around not giving them a break. That kind of thing really depends a lot on how often you see them and for what kind of time frame though.