LDS funeral

[Snow]

Hi there, my SIL's mother died and the funeral is this Friday. A couple of questions: how long are the services usually? I have a 6yo and a 2yo and want to know how much time i need to plan to keep them occupied and quiet.

 

Also, they are "jack Mormons" so not very traditional (the mother had been married 4 times!) but the stepdad has asked that my SIL and her sister apply make up to the deceased mother per tradition?? SIL is very uncomfortable with this. Can anyone share their experience with it, the mentality behind and how someone gets through it if she decides to so it?

 

Thanks.

[NotSoObvious]

It depends on what you choose to attend. If your kids weren't close to her, I'd skip the viewing and just attend the service. It will be about an hour long, depending on how many speakers and songs the stepdad has planned. There will be other children and they are not always quiet. :) It's common to see kids sitting on the floor, using the pew as a table for quiet books or activities. There are usually parents getting up and down, tending to their kids or taking them out for various reasons. You should be fine.

 

Many times there is some sort of food event after, either at the church or at someone's home.

 

I didn't know about the daughters applying make up, but the viewing is an important piece of an LDS funeral, so it doesn't surprise me. If she isn't uncomfortable, I'd encourage her to just say so. Maybe her sister can just do it.

[garddwr]

As far as I know the applying make-up bit is not Mormon tradition. If it is I have never heard of it! The mortuary should be able to take care of that. If the deceased was ever active enough to have received temple ordinances (endowment) they are normally buried in temple robes and family members or the Relief Society president may assist to dress them. However, if your SIL and her sister have not themselves been endowed they would not be expected to do so.

 

As for time, this varies from funeral to funeral according to how the family plans--how many speakers, how long they speak, any musical numbers, etc.; those I have attended have typically been around the 1 hour mark. People generally dress nicely as for Sunday church services, but wearing black is not expected.

 

HTH and feel free to ask if you have other questions.

[gardenmom5]

I always thought the undertaker did the make-up. frequently there will be family members who will dress the body, especially for someone who has received temple ordinances. if your sil is uncomfortable, I honestly think it is inappropriate to force her. I have spoken with friends who did this for their mothers and they spoke of it being a very spiritual and touching experience that helped them say good-bye.

 

the viewing is beforehand - evening before or same day.

 

the funeral itself can range from an hour or an hour and a half.

 

that is usually followed by a short grave service, and then

 

a family meal.

 

when attending funerals for dh relatives, I'd ocassionally leave the kids with someone during the funeral, and go get them before the family dinner. I have taken them, and it is fine. there have just been times I was going to be too busy doing other things to tend to my own children.

 

it really depends upon your kids. I've had kids who could handle it, and other's that needed to be elsewhere.

[gaillardia]

I'm going to bump this, because even though I am LDS I have never heard of being a "jack mormon" and that doesn't sound very good. (kinda funny actually)

I also have never heard of a family member doing the makeup "per tradition" and assume that a beautician is employed by the funeral home to do the hair and makeup. So maybe your SIL's family is not exactly LDS but one of the off shoots of the traditional LDS church?

This sounds like another one of those things of what people feel is part of the religion, and it isn't. And what thegardener said is right on, I speak from personal experience, more than once.

I'm not sure why NotSoObvious thinks the viewing is an important part of it. It is not as if we are told we must have that as part of the process, although most people do have a viewing, but not all.

[Sara in AZ]

"Jack Mormon" is a term for people who are baptized LDS but don't really live it. I don't hear it very much now, but growing up in Salt Lake it was fairly common.

[Snow]

Thanks everyone. Jack Mormon is what SIL called her family to indicate they aren't really practicing. Kind of like some people call some other Christians "Christmas and Easter Christians" because they only go to church on those days.

 

As for the make up thing, it is very surprising and I've never heard of it either. I wonder if my brother misunderstood and confused make up with her robes? I will be able to get more details from SIL on Wednesday. Anyway, thanks again for your insights.

[Butter]

I've been to short funerals at the LDS church and I've been to long ones. I've been to short funerals at the Catholic church and I've been to long ones. I've been to short funerals where it was all done at the funeral home and I've been to long ones. The longest was at some Protestant church for a great-great-aunt and it was my first experience with a fire and brimstone preacher and even thought I was only 5 or 6 I still clearly remember him talking about how she was 7 days from hell. He went on at length about how if she had not repented on her deathbed she would have gone to hell. Scared the crap out of me. My dad said that seron was for her kids and grandkids (all well into adulthood). Very pointed apparently. Anyway, the point is, as for how long an LDS funeral is... who knows! There's nothing set. It all depends on what the family chooses (pretty much the same as any funeral I suppose). Number of talks, number of songs, etc.

 

The make-up thing is puzzling. The only time I've ever heard of anyone doing make-up (other than the mortuary person) is a friend of my mom. Usually a member of our ward did the make-up on people (all people) who used that particular funeral home (it was her job! She loved it!) but someone else had done this particular woman and when my mom and some others went to dress her, they had put bright red lipstick on her. She never would've worn bright red in life so they removed her make-up and redid it the way she would have done it herself when she was alive.