Has anyone ever felt like hschooling was hurting your relationship w/dc?

[saraha]

Has anyone ever felt like homeschooling hurt or damaged your relationship with your child? Did you realize it while homeschooling and make some kind of change? Did you not realize it until the end? How did you deal with it?

 

Thanks

[Mommyfaithe]

With one of my children...absolutely. It is too late...I wish I would have realized it before....but, honestly.....something else could have damaged our relationship just as easily NOT homeschooling....hindsight and all. This child and I love each other but do not have any closeness ..... Not sure why...maybe it is just our personalities. I pray we can someday have a good friendship. For some reason I could never quite understand and provide what this kid needed.

[saraha]

I feel like we just need space from each other. Let someone else tell her she is "wrong" and then I can be the mommy who consoles her and is her soft place instead of being the teacher and then not magically turn into the mom.

[Momofeat]

Yes, and I was very tempted to put her in ps, but our local schools are REALLY bad. We changed churches, she joined the youth, a year later I became a volunteer with the youth, and we joined a co-op. We still homeschool, but we try to find outside teachers whenever possible. Our relationship has improved drastically the past 3 years.

[JumpyTheFrog]

We still homeschool, but we try to find outside teachers whenever possible. Our relationship has improved drastically the past 3 years.

 

Could you elaborate on this? How old was your child when you made these changes? Could the changes be from maturing in general or do you think it was from using more outside teachers? I ask because I have one that I sometimes think might be happier at school or something else.

[Momofeat]

Could you elaborate on this? How old was your child when you made these changes? Could the changes be from maturing in general or do you think it was from using more outside teachers? I ask because I have one that I sometimes think might be happier at school or something else.

 

She & I struggled with her schooling from Day 1. She's extremely strong-willed, and it all came to a head in 4th & 5th grades. My dh had to talk me out of taking her to the local school more than once.

 

Yes, I think she matured, but I really believe the changes we made for her had the bigger effect. When we changed churches, she made many sweet friends, and the Lord worked on her heart, so that helped. At the same time, I made a concerted effort to work harder on our relationship, and the youth group gave me a great opportunity for that. She didn't like it when I volunteered at first, but she has since written me a note thanking me for doing it. She'll be 14 this summer, and we're much closer now than I used to think was possible. I truly enjoy her company, but back then, I didn't really enjoy her at all. :crying:

 

However, she still chafes when I teach her at home. Just a few minutes ago, I called her in to correct some math problems and endured "the glare." This year, we realized that she will need to take as many outside classes as possible so that she and I can keep our relationship. The past 2 years I've taught the co-op writing class that she's taking, but I've already requested a different assignment next year. I want to be the supporting mother rather than the mean teacher. ;) PS is not an option, so she'll be in a TOG co-op, plus another "pay-per-class" co-op, plus an outside biology class. Expensive, but still thousands less than private school. (Not that private school is really an option, anyway. The closest one is an hour away!)

[duckens]

Today I feel that way.

 

Tomorrow will be better. :grouphug:

[hsmom2011]

n/m

[Tree Frog]

I stopped homeschooling my youngest when he was in 5th grade. My husband was deploying for 9 months and we'd already had a couple of times when ds needed dh's correction. I felt if I were mom, dad, and teacher that we would lose the good relationship we had. Ds went to ps for the first time and it was an excellent decision for us. His teacher challenged him academically and was a good male role model while dh was gone. DD also returned to school full time that year at her request. (She was already planning to return before we found out about dh's deployment.) Our relationship was very rocky while dh was gone and I think we would have had permanent damage if I had continued to teach her at home. (It was very strange having all 3 kids at school all day! It took me awhile to figure out what to do with myself!) DD and I now have a good relationship. I miss homeschooling, but I'm very glad that sending the 2 youngest to school strengthened our relationships.

 

It is difficult to decide what's best for each of our children and what's good for one isn't necessarily the best for another. I wish you much luck as you balance schooling your child with having a good relationship with him/her.

[mommymilkies]

I felt having my dd in school hurt our relationship. I never got to see her between busing and school, and when I did see her, it was a rush to homework/baths/bed. It has been much easier homeschooling. Not that every day is rosy, but it is easier than when she was in school.

[mathnmusic]

This is an interesting question! I'd say that hs'ing has definitely made us closer, because of all the time we get to have together. It hasn't been easy AT ALL though, because a lot of our faults (partly the kids', but mostly mine!) show up more when we're this close. When I was working outside the home and the kids were going to christian school, we didn't HAVE as much of a relationship, I mostly saw them an hour in the morning before school and a few hours after school when we had the homework/dinner/bedtime rush. I had to ask the classroom teacher how my kids were doing with attitude, friendships, academically, socially. Now I do't have to ask anybody - I know all too well what their issues are, and darn it, they know all too well my issues too! But it's been such a blessing to have this kind of closeness during this period in their lives, they're only small for a short time. I do think it's made things harder for us, harder in terms of not being easy, it was easier was when all I had to do was drop them off, pick them up, deal with scheduling stress, yes, but not much relationship stress...and we've had way more confict (arguments, discipline issues) since we started hs'ing than before, but I think of those as growing pains as our faults come to the surface and need to be addressed. On a day to day basis, it's made us pray more together and get lots of chances to ask forgiveness from each other and hug it out. I'd say it's been hard but a good hard, kwim? =)