How do you get vision to keep on keeping on?

[Janie Grace]

I'm really want to keep homeschooling. But I'm exhausted. I guess I'm wondering if you think I still "have it in me." Please be honest.

 

I have been homeschooling for 9 years now. I have five kids. One of them is at a private school and the youngest (3) isn't doing formal school yet... so really, I'm only schooling K, 4th and 8th right now. But I am just feeling so burned out. I am doing Bob Books and Singapore 1B for the fourth time through now (w the K-er). So partly it's that... I'm just weary of doing the same thing AGAIN (but changing approaches sounds like a hassle; I like the things I use). I'm also feeling like I'm failing, because I'm doing such bare bones stuff. We do math, reading (with the K-er), handwriting, Writing Essentials and Daily Grams with the 4th grader, Queen Language lessons with the K-er, science at a co-op... but not a lot more. I haven't done any of the Sonlight Core I excitedly bought for my K and 4th grader. I did SL for years with my older ones and I'm just... over it. I read them books at lunch sometimes or at other times (right now it's Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle and Charlotte's Web and a book about the names of God)... but I am just over the "snuggling on the couch with a stack of books" thing. By naptime I need time ALONE. Right now the 4th grader wants to learn about the Revolutionary War so I am just giving him books to read. I'm not even discussing them with him.

 

I rarely interact with my 8th grader about school at all. She is totally independent. She wants to go to school next year; she's bright, competitive and just wants the intellectual stimulation of a classroom. I get it. I was that way, too. Dd and I have a great relationship; I just don't have time to sit around engaging in "the Great Conversation" with her. That makes me sad. I think if I only had one or two kids, I could give her a wonderful high school experience at home, but I just. can't. do. it.

 

So next year, I'm looking at 3-4yo, 1st grader and 5th grader (who actually might repeat 4th; he has learning struggles and is behind). My preschooler is extremely intense/needy, my rising 1st grader is smart as a whip (probably highest IQ of all the kids) and my rising 5th grader struggles. I am doing Dianne Craft stuff with him but I feel a bit lost and unsure if we are making progress. In the past three and a half years, I have had a baby and moved twice. I don't know if that relates to the fatigue, I'm just telling you everything so you get a feel for stuff.

 

I don't love homeschooling. I feel antsy and distracted... by the pile of dishes, by wondering what the news is today, by the whining preschooler, by the pile of laundry in the basement... I just think "life would be so sweet if I was just a 'regular' SAHM." However... I also feel like I am giving my kids so much more than they'd get at school in terms of meeting them where they are. I value being with them all day. I like being the biggest influence in their lives right now. I feel like my sweet, different, struggling 4th grader would be made to feel dumb in school. He's not, but his learning style is tricky. I "get" him and am trying to build his self-confidence so that when he is "out there" one day, he knows he can succeed. The reasons I started homeschooling still make it appealing to me. I just don't have that gut-level excitement or joy about it. I got a couple of curriculum catalogs in the mail today, plus an ad for a homeschool convention. They made me want to go hide.

 

What is wrong with me? Is this a sign I need to throw in the towel? If not, how do I get my groove back? I miss the enthusiastic homeschooler I used to be. :(

[whitestavern]

Really? I don't know. When things get really bad and I'm in a funk like that, I just keep on keepin' on and eventually the feelings go away and I get my groove back. But know that you're not alone, if there's any solace in that. :grouphug:

 

Also, I don't know where you live, but where I am (CT) we're still in winter weather here and I swear that has something to do with how I'm feeling lately. We are all so.ready.for.spring.

[Janie Grace]

The weather could be part of it. It *should* be spring here, but we just got yet another big snow.

 

I guess I have that end-of-the-year-in-sight feeling where I suddenly realize it's almost over and I'm not sure I have enough to show for it. Does that make sense? I have friends who are all "woohoo, school's almost over!" but I'm panicking, feeling like I'm falling short and there is no more time to "get to it."

 

Thanks for saying I'm not alone. I wish some objective person could come to my house and talk to my kids and look at what we've done and just tell me I'm doing okay. Or not, and that my kids really should be in school.

[Denise in IN]

Well, don't forget that it's March, which can be even yuckier than February for homeschoolers, imo!

 

Beyond that, it sounds like you've had a lot of stress in your life the past few years. Having a baby plus moving (twice!) is a lot of upheaval! Add to that special needs in your school time, and it's understandable that you're weary.

 

I tend to have the same "end of the year panic" about this time as well, because I realize all of the things I didn't accomplish that I wanted to do. But like whitestavern said, I just keep moving forward, maybe change up a few things if I can, and usually my frame of mind improves and I can evaluate more realistically!

 

So no great earth shattering advice here, but :grouphug: to you. It sounds like you are giving your kids what they need, and that's more important than living up to a mental "ideal".

[tampamommy]

Hugs. Some food for thought...

 

There are definitely seasons to life, parenting, marriage, friendships and just about everything else. I think it is rare, if not impossible, for a homeschooling parent to provide each child in their family with the exact same amount of attention, reading aloud, math practice, etc.

 

Every child is different, and your life is at a different place each time a new child is added to your family. When the dynamics of your family change, so does the educational experience for all the children. In the end, it usually balances out pretty well. So stop beating yourself up for not giving each of your children the identical experience. Quite frankly, I think if most of us tried that it wouldn't work. There are just too many variables involved.

 

Why not ask an older child to read a short story or two aloud to the youngest while you lay down to rest for 20 minutes? Are your children helping out with the chores? If they are not used to doing that, start small and increase gradually. They should be helping to keep your home running smoothly and if they're not, it's time to train them!

 

Some homeschooling parents love teaching their children; others do not like it, but do it because they feel it is best for their family; and many fall somewhere in the middle. There is nothing “wrong†if you view homeschooling your children as a job – with parts you like, parts you don't like and maybe even parts you'd rather not do at all! Few people have an ideal job that they love every single aspect of. Don't feel guilty if at this point in your life, every moment is not an utter joy. You sound like you recognize the benefits for your children, and sometimes that alone is the right reason to keep going, even if it is not always what you want to be doing.

 

If you have decided your dd will thrive in school beginning next year, try not to mourn “what might have been†for her high school and focus on the wonderful foundation you gave her – to be bright and an independent worker in 8^th grade is fantastic! That is a success, Mom. If the “Great Conversation†is something that she relishes, she will have her whole life to read great literature and discuss it with you. Maybe instead she will be a mathematician or scientist and share her love of numbers or research with you. It sounds like she is poised to be a successful young adult.

 

If your 4^th grader has a fascination with the Revolutionary War and you are giving him books to read, that is great! You have taught him how to learn about an interest on his own. That is a life skill that will serve him well! Instead of feeling guilty for not discussing them with him, why not surprise him one day by declaring that “today is Revolutionary War Day†and ask him to draw a picture showing his favorite part of X number of books he has read. Or to use sculpey clay and make a scene in 3D? Or write a little story about one of his favorite parts of the war.

 

A couple more thoughts – I have found that when I am not getting enough sleep, it is really, really, really important to eat right and exercise. It is amazing at how those two things can energize you. If you don't have time in blocks, exercise in little chunks. While you are folding laundry, do squats. Every time you brush your teeth, do ten pushups. Every time you walk out to get the mail, do 10 jumping jacks. Do 20 stomach crunches before each shower. It is not that difficult to work in little bits of exercise throughout the day. If you do it in 30-60 second bursts at these or other “trigger points,†you will be surprised at how it accumulates in 24 hours. When I say eat right, I mean eat and drink real food and real beverages. No junk, no processed stuff.

 

Lastly, maybe try to be a bit more light hearted about school, in particular with your youngest ones. Instead of handwriting practice, take sidewalk chalk outside and write there. Instead of a reading lesson at home, take them to the grocery store and look for simple words on packages for the children to read. Mix it up a little and let their imaginations help you think of those kind of refreshing ideas.

 

HTH and hang in there.

[Janie Grace]

Thanks, you guys. It's a new day and while I'm still weary, I'm not freaking out as much. Thank you, tampamommy, for your specific encouragement about my kids. That means so much.

[lailasmum]

I have only been at it a few years but I have definitely been getting bored the last year. The best thing that helps me is taking time out to work on my favourite thing which is photography and working on getting a business set up. Somehow doing that just allows me to give more to the kids rather than if I was just focused on them all the time.

[Kelly1730]

I have nothing profound to add. I feel this way this time of year pretty much every single year. This is year 6 for me. I'm dying to take a walk and for some sunshine. I'd love to go to the park.

 

Yes! I just told dh the other day that if I could just sit out in the sun for awhile I think I would feel better. :coolgleamA: We've had a so-so year. The boys are learning and progressing but we did no "fun" field trips, I let a few things like Latin, Logic and Writing fall through the cracks so not feeling so great about my teaching ablilities. That gives me vision to keep going, I know they are learning but I also know there is so much more we could be doing. Looking forward to sitting by the pool this summer and getting rejuvinated!

[Janie Grace]

 

Yes! I just told dh the other day that if I could just sit out in the sun for awhile I think I would feel better. :coolgleamA: We've had a so-so year. The boys are learning and progressing but we did no "fun" field trips, I let a few things like Latin, Logic and Writing fall through the cracks so not feeling so great about my teaching ablilities. That gives me vision to keep going, I know they are learning but I also know there is so much more we could be doing. Looking forward to sitting by the pool this summer and getting rejuvinated!

 

I feel like I ALWAYS feel that we had a "so-so year." I am ready to finish a school year and think "that was awesome! We did almost everything I planned and we all learned SO much! And what amazing memories we made!" etc. But I am always hyper-aware of the stuff I bought and didn't use, the ideas I had and didn't do, etc. Maybe I'm just too glass-half-empty about this. Or maybe I'm a realist and we homeschoolers don't like to kick each other in the butt. ;)

 

It's cool that not feeling great about your teaching abilities gives you vision to keep going instead of making you want to quit. I wish I was more like that!

 

Yeah, by-the-pool-rejuvenation sounds pretty wonderful.

[happypamama]

Just had to say that I feel for you; I can see where this may come for me in a few years. And I realized that by next summer, I will have spent almost four years straight either pregnant or nursing/caring for a baby under a year. Next school year will also be the first year I have to deal with portfolios and reporting requirements for two children, plus the 2yo and newborn, plus a 5yo who desperately wants to learn to read and wants to know when he will be able to do math too (and I have no doubt that he'd be able to do all of that NOW, except that my time and energy are very short). Not to take over your post, but I really understand and feel for you. (((HUGS)))