Multigenerational same-house dwelling?

[Woodhaven]

We do it. MIL and FIL have lived with us for 3 years. They can't live alone any longer, and so need assistance. I get along pretty well with MIL as she makes it a point to be nice and not say anything that would start conflict. She sometimes clips articles from a newspaper or magazine and passes them on to me as "this might be interesting or helpful".

 

We prefer to have them live with us than live in a nursing home. MIL takes care of most of their needs except meals. FIL is just along for the ride. His memory is poor, and he just does whatever MIL tells him to do.

 

The kids have fun playing board games with them. FIL can still play the games he knew years ago, but can't seem to learn anything new. I'm glad they are here for the kids! My kids love them and they are sweet to the kids. I wish I had my grandparents around when I was a kid!

[trinchick]

I posted earlier about the fact that my mom lives with us, and thought I would add here that I also grew up in a multigenerational home. My mom was widowed when I was young (4), and coincidentally my grandfather died about the same time. So my mom bought a new house and my grandmother moved in with us. I loved growing up with my grandmother in the house. She and I were so much alike, and I always had the sense that she understood me at a completely different level than anyone else. She applied a level of wisdom to the parenting process - though she didn't overtly interfere with my mother's role; maybe guided it behind the scenes. I see a lot of the same thing happening between my mom and my kids, especially my daughter. They are so sweet together that I sometimes catch my breath when I see them working on something together. DD is more compassionate towards my mother than I am oftentimes (I'm ashamed to say).

 

A pp mentioned modeling caring for elderly parents and IMO this is absolutely, 100% true. This subject comes up here from time to time, and I always get a chuckle over the people who say that they couldn't possibly live with their parents but they fully expect that they will live with their grown children someday. Oh, yeah? And what makes you think they'll have you? What did you teach your kids about caring for aging parents? Do you think you'll be so fascinating, wealthy, active, and (please, God, fingers crossed) continent that they'll be begging you to move in with them?

[Arcadia]

I wonder why it works so well and is so normal in other cultures, but so many people here in America think it would be a disaster?

It is the culture of filial piety. When elderly parents need help, it is common for them to move in with their children. Sometimes they rotate among their children like an aunt of mine does, sometimes they stay with the eldest son. The good thing is children do not return to an empty home after school if both parents work. Most grandparents can help with homework coaching too. Guys has long learn not to take sides between their mother and their wife, and DILs has long learn to tune out the disruptive criticisms.

 

 

It doesn't work because the grown up children resent handing their paychecks over to nonretirement age parents, who then spend it on nonessentials while neglecting the childrens' needs and wants.

 

In Asia plenty of grown up children stay with their parents until they are married especially urbanites. They hand over a fixed amount of their paycheck as "rent"/contribution to household expenses. The going rate was $500 ten years ago. Everyone is happy. No way would anyone be willing to hand over the whole paycheck unless the parents are in financial difficulties and the children are bailing their parents out.

[JeanM]

My MIL moved in with us almost two years ago. It's working really well, but it helps that she has her own "area" with her own kitchen. I could never handle it with my own parents, but my MIL is very independent and non-intrusive.

[JBJones]

Interesting subject. I honestly believe that more and more families will begin doing this, as the price of EVERYTHING continues to soar. Of course, there are some families that wouldn't be abe to live under one roof without the situation coming to blows.

We already know that in 10-12 years, we will be moving in with my Mom, and taking care of her as she ages. DD knows that she is welcome to live there as well. That might include, by that time, grandchildren. So, we would be a three to four generation household.

[KungFuPanda]

Interesting subject. I honestly believe that more and more families will begin doing this, as the price of EVERYTHING continues to soar. Of course, there are some families that wouldn't be abe to live under one roof without the situation coming to blows.

We already know that in 10-12 years, we will be moving in with my Mom, and taking care of her as she ages. DD knows that she is welcome to live there as well. That might include, by that time, grandchildren. So, we would be a three to four generation household.

 

Fair warning . . . I skip posts written I this font.

[I.Dup.]

If we had the money to build a compound, that is one of the first things I would want done. One of the greatest hurdles in living close to either side of our family has been the complete inability for them to help us in their town (they both want us near them, but do not have the housing or the ability to help us get settled while finding a job, etc). I would love to have the ability to give my children a long-term place to stay with their families, and I'm sad that way of living is rare in our culture.

 

I'm not sure how we will ever do this being very middle class and having many children, but it is a dream of mine.

[lllll]

..

[Laura Corin]

It can actually be very difficult in other countries too. When I lived in Japan, a lot of tv soap opera plot lines seemed to be about those difficulties. If you read memoirs you will see that.

 

 

 

Yes. A Chinese friend of mine lives with her husband, MIL and baby in a small flat. It's expected but the relationship is still horrendous.

 

Laura