hsbeth Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 Just wanted to drop an update to those who provided support and encouragement ahead of this trip. We made it! Lots of tense and awkward moments but, on the whole, I'm glad we got it over with. This is a shameless plea for some reassurance. We reluctantly planned a trip to visit with our extended families next week. We've been putting it off for over a year and just couldn't get away with stalling any longer. Our kids are really looking forward to it. I thought I was okay with it, but as it creeps closer (we leave Friday night) I'm am getting more and more anxious. We live 1000+ miles away for a reason. My concerns: MIL/FIL relations have been dicey for years. We'll be staying with them for 4 of our 7 days and it's always volatile. Have already endured 3 phone conversations with MIL this past week or so which have made me see red. The trip is a huge stretch financially (especially at Christmas) so a hotel is definitely a no-go. We've got a 17-18 hr car ride and youngest (6) doesn't do as well as the olders do in the car. We haven't made this trip in almost 3 years so I have no idea how she'll do. One SIL hasn't been barely speaking to us for the last 18mths or so. No idea how she's going to be in person, BUT she lives right next door to MIL and MIL is planning lots of family time for us together. The other SIL is newly divorced and has recently announced her engagement and spring wedding, so a new IL to meet/greet. Plus a niece and nephew that have had a roller coaster of a year. We now live in the south and have no real cold weather clothing/ gear. Kids love the idea of snow, but dh and I are so over it. The 10 day forecast now includes some signs of impending snow/ice. :/ Running is my sanity and I'm in the middle of training for a half marathon, but I likely won' t be able to run nearly as much as I want/need to. The rest of the trip will be spend visiting with some on my side. We've got issues too... Mom has been getting progressively more ill (MS and and a bout with cancer). It's always shocking to see her in person when the decline is so evident. Sister recently eloped with someone she met less than 6 mths ago. So ANOTHER new IL to meet and another nephew who's had a difficult year. Likely more bad weather. Last, but not least, I am behind on a project for work so none of our own Christmas prep. has gotten done. Dh and I work straight through to Friday, leave that night and will return late on the 23rd. One of our children has a birthday on the 26th, so that prep. needs to be started on too. Feeling overwhelmed :-( Can I get a hug? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: How about a few. I think I'd play sick and stay home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trilliums Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 Last spring we did a long drive to visit the in-laws. We have some of the similar issues you mentioned (stressful relationships) but I AM SO GLAD THAT WE WENT. We visited everyone and I feel so much better knowing that we "got it out of the way". I realize that may sound harsh, and I realize we do not have to visit, but I do feel a certain obligation. Plus, despite some differences, I do want to visit relatives and want my kids to know them. Everything went pretty well. I hope it goes well for you. Just endure. :) Maybe hit up some thrift stores for jackets or even ask around to see if people there have any they can loan you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 I'd send you a :grouphug:, but I'm not entirely sure you don't need this: :smash: Seriously. Someone needs to konk you over the head and set your mind straight. STAY HOME. Make any excuse you can think of, but STAY HOME. You have not listed even one reason that would make me think you should go, even if these people lived 20 minutes from your house! Really. There's still time to think of a reason why you can't go. START THINKING, WOMAN!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hsbeth Posted December 11, 2012 Author Share Posted December 11, 2012 Last spring we did a long drive to visit the in-laws. We have some of the similar issues you mentioned (stressful relationships) but I AM SO GLAD THAT WE WENT. We visited everyone and I feel so much better knowing that we "got it out of the way". I realize that may sound harsh, and I realize we do not have to visit, but I do feel a certain obligation. Plus, despite some differences, I do want to visit relatives and want my kids to know them. Everything went pretty well. I hope it goes well for you. Just endure. :) Maybe hit up some thrift stores for jackets or even ask around to see if people there have any they can loan you. Thank you so much. I'm hoping this is me. Sometimes I get so focused on "dreading" things, but the reality isn' t half as bad. My kids want to go so badly. Dh sorta wants to go. So I was guilted by my feelings of "obligation" into agreeing. Like you, I do want my kids to have some relationships with these family members. They aren't totally toxic, just prone to drama and not very successful in dealing with boundaries (we've tried). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beaners Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hsbeth Posted December 12, 2012 Author Share Posted December 12, 2012 There's still time to think of a reason why you can't go. START THINKING, WOMAN!!! Yes, I actually did try to convince dh that "I" needed to stay behind b/c our usual pet sitter cancelled out on us and I am WAY behind on a project at work. He was not impressed with the idea of tackling the trip alone though. I AM feeling pretty ick today and the flu has become rampant in our neck of the woods over the last week or so. Honestly though, my issue is probably mostly emotional as I haven't been sleeping well. I'm sort of praying that one of us shows definite and unignorable signs of illness in the next few days. How sad is that?!? BTW, we did cancel the last two times. The first, I had to have major surgery that couldn't wait. The second, they were predicting a blizzard up there and we cancelled last minute to avoid the drive through the snow. That's why it's been nearly three years. MIL/FIL come to see us every year or so and that's much more manageable. I get more personal space/escape time. BUT they are insistent that dh's siblings need to see us, so that doesn't get us off the hook for a visit up there. Since there has been an elopment on my side and an impending wedding (that we aren't going to attend on his), this was the compromise solution. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Sounds awful. :grouphug: You will have to be proactive. Can you and the kids leave the house once a day at least and get a little breather? Even if only to go to Walmart? I find that having something to do with my hands really, really helps. Can you bring some knitting or handiwork? Can you reschedule your private family celebration (you, dh, and the kids) for January, when you are back? Save it for AFTER the stress and don't even try to lug all that stuff along? Here's another :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.