Slipper Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 We had a horrible argument with DH's father and stepmother this summer that we really haven't recovered from. I'm dreading the upcoming holidays because of it. I have tried to reconcile and explain things but they believe we are trying to keep them away from the grandkids. We aren't, but their behavior was so bad this summer it actually gave my youngest daughter nightmares. (She is super-sensitive.) We know they are coming to Thanksgiving dinner at our house because they have sent an email to DH saying they are coming. (We hadn't invited them yet because neither of us wanted to call and talk with them). They may or may not make a scene at Thanksgiving. They made a short one last year, yelling at me about not coming to visit them with the grandkids. (Afterwards I did schedule a trip which was when all the drama/disaster of the summer started). This set of grandparents loves to tell Bible stories to the kids. They have been enthusiastic (and fairly recent) church-goers and teach a kids Sunday School class. They do a good job and I know they are proud of their success in church. However, when they tell Bible stories at family get-togethers, I have 3 other sets of grandparents waiting (im)patiently so they can all go back to talking with everyone. Our house is too small for people to go elsewhere so everyone watches/listens to the story. We've asked them to wait until the other grandparents leave but they feel that we're ashamed to have others see/hear Bible stories being told in our house. (They also feel that we're upset with them for being Christian. I have no clue why they feel this way.) After this summer, I consider the whole Bible story act to be just that, an act. I consider them to be hypocrites and our values are different. Additionally, the Bible stories are geared towards the classes they teach, 3 year old kids. My youngest will be 8 in December. The girls always know the answers to the questions they ask (thank goodness). I've thought about having the girls put on a show of some sort (they love to sing, etc) or even tell a Bible story themselves (not that I would have a clue as to which one they could tell) to shift things. I've invited a few more people this year (my brother who cannot find a job and has now lost unemployment and his family) and I'd rather all the kids do something rather than two grandparents tell a story to my kids (the other kids usually wander off). Any suggestions? I think they're going to be mad at me about something anyway, so I may as well have the day go like I want rather than trying to be nice and STILL being in the doghouse. I want us to move away from Bible stories during holiday family get-togethers. I know it sounds rotten, but I have everyone over for just a couple of hours. For the record, we are Christian (though a couple members of our extended family are Jewish) but we don't attend church. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 I'd say we'd planned something else for Thanksgiving. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 (edited) I'd say we'd planned something else for Thanksgiving. :iagree: I had typed out a long response, then lost it. :glare: Short version: IIWY, I would separate out what we do with this set of relatives from what we do with the rest. Set a different time, day, whatever to meet with them, preferably in a situation that allows you to leave easily if they become obnoxious. Will it tick them off if you rock the boat? Yes. But I will take a little short term drama to avoid a lifetime of walking on eggshells or being bulldozed. (Said as someone who grew up watching some fabulous dysfunction play out because no one was willing to call out anyone on their BS.) ETA- You do not HAVE to do anything with them you know. If they cannot treat you and your family appropriately it makes sense to take a break until they can. Edited November 5, 2012 by BLA5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 I'm going to ask this gently but WHY would you have these people over on Thanksgiving?? No one gets to "invite" themselves to YOUR home. That's not how it works. If you kow in your heart that these people are going to ruin your day and tramatise your kids, then why would you even try? What does your DH think of all of this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bzymom Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Invitations here go to those whose company is pleasant for our family. Those who invite themselves knowing they are most likely not welcome would receive a brief "sorry, that doesn't work for us." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slipper Posted November 5, 2012 Author Share Posted November 5, 2012 I'm going to ask this gently but WHY would you have these people over on Thanksgiving?? No one gets to "invite" themselves to YOUR home. That's not how it works. If you kow in your heart that these people are going to ruin your day and tramatise your kids, then why would you even try? What does your DH think of all of this? The invitation to all of our family was set up a few years ago. My middle daughter has Celiac Disease and family holidays were horrible. She couldn't eat anything and the few dishes we were assured were safe invariably made her ill. (A reaction can last anywhere from 2 - 11 days with vomiting, diarrhea and stomach cramps). It was so awful a few years ago that we set up a rule that we were no longer going to anyone's house on Thanksgiving or Christmas but everyone was welcome to come to our home. It's almost a permanent invitation. Typically, people wait until we call them to tell them what day/time, but they didn't wait. DH doesn't want to deal with them. He's upset at how badly things turned out after this summer. I think they have had a grudge for several years against us and this summer brought it all out. During that week (and ever since), FIL has a really nasty way of saying, "Nobody ever tells me anything Slipper". (My name has one syllable but he draws it out and I can tell he's furious with me.) If they show up and are pleasant, that's great, I'd love to have them. But, it's unpredictable. And I certainly don't want to hear them talking about God while they are here. I'll talk to DH about it. Maybe I can call Step-MIL up and tell her that due to this past summer, perhaps it's best if we skip getting together this Thanksgiving. If he says to let them come anyway, I'll tell them that instead of a Bible story that we have something different planned regarding entertainment. (I'm just not sure what at the moment). Maybe they will get a flat tire. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 I think it would be difficult to tell folks what to talk about while they are visiting, unless it was highly offensive. Don't we all get stuck listening to someone's stories at holidays. I mean, who really wants to hear about Uncle Al's recent surgeries, or Papa Bob tell the same joke year after year, but they still do it. If everyone else wanders off, that should pretty much take care of everyone else, right? ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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