Need some understanding

[plain jane]

Hive ladies, help me. :(

 

If you've read my previous posts, you know my toddler is wearing me out, my 4yo is wearing me thin, and the general hardships that are going on in my life are completely wearing me down. I'm burnt out and have lost all motivation for schooling.

 

Not only that, but I am completely and utterly exhausted. By the time the kids are all in bed, I am tired. All I can do is veg out in front of the TV for a bit and then crash. Yes, pathetic. Please limit the tomatos and judgement. I know I could do so much better, like read or work on lesson plans (which I desperately need to do) but I am just plain tired.

 

Sending the kids to PS isn't an option. THe school that they are designated to go to is awful. Truth be told it wasn't a consideration when we moved here many years ago because the thought of PS wasn't even on my radar. I'm glad in a way because it would be too "easy" for me to send them there right now. It's not what dh or I want but I need to get through this rough phase in my life right now.

 

I just have no motivation to do school. It's terrible, I know. I can't believe I'm admitting this and it makes me feel like a very lousy hs'ing mom. I have daily struggles with one of my kids and that one is 3 weeks behind in school work already :glare: We are only 6 weeks into our school year. :001_huh:

 

I have another one who is compliant and does work but I haven't been able to get to the extras with this one so it's been 6 weeks of basics. My last one in school is self motivated and gets all lessons done each day but is now waiting for me to catch up and mark everything. I am failing this one. :(

 

A big cause of the hold up is that I haven't had a functioning printer since August. :glare: I finally broke down and ordered a new one and while it stated next day delivery, it still isn't here almost 3 weeks later. :glare: It is very hard to attend to school work when a lot of our files are pdfs that need printing or workbook pages that need photocopying. I'm so frustrated by this.

 

I don't really know what I'm asking or how to snap out of this funk I'm in. Any ideas? Commiseration? Anything? I'm at a real low point right now and I'd appreciate not to be kicked while I'm down. I know it's probably hard as I sit here and type about how far behind my kids are and that we're struggling to get through each day. I know how poorly I am failing my kids ATM. I need some encouragement or something to get out of this.

 

I know my toddler will grow out of this phase and while I do enjoy the sweetness that comes with this age, I am so drained by the constant neediness. I don't want to wish my toddler to grow up as I want to enjoy this stage but it's a very difficult time right now. I'm not loving this stage of life even though I really want to.

 

I've tried to break out of this by taking the kids outside more and getting together with friends, thinking I'd find my groove but I'm not. I'm not unmotivated in all things, just school work. I think a big part of this is how overwhelmed I am by how far "behind" they are. They're not really on track to finish their subjects by summer and that stresses me out. We have never been able to school year round and I have no reason to think this next summer will be any different.

 

How does one catch up when you've gotten behind in things? How do you not let yourself get overwhelmed by it all?

[mathwonk]

can you say vacation? call a fall break, like they do aT SCHOOL. did you get enough time at leisure for summer?

 

i had this burnout problem every year as a teacher. i needed all summer doing something else to be enthusiastic enough to return for fall classes.

 

try letting them learn from each other. one helpful lesson is to let them do more and see that not everything falls apart. you can't hold it all on your own shoulders, but you probably don't have to.

 

as when i had to give a talk and felt i could not do everything i wanted to, i told myself, all people wanted from me was whatever i had to give. i did not have to line up to my own idealistic goals. you don't have to do it all.

[besroma]

I hope things get better soon.

 

I hope your printer comes soon, too!

 

When I am feeling overwhelmed, it usually isn't long before I read a story about someone else who has hardships such as cancer, children with serious medical problems, etc. That helps me put my feelings in perspective. No judgement here, just saying what helps me. :grouphug:

[Isabella]

You poor thing! As if anyone would throw tomatoes at you when you were down!! We have all been there and done that, as far as burnout goes, and if we haven't it's pretty certain we will be someday over the long haul!

 

Not much advice, but I wanted to give you piles of hugs!:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I really think you need to realize that your health is important right now. You can't beat yourself up - you need to recover. Think of it...if you had cancer right now (and I know that sounds extreme, but I've had cancer, and the fatigue, stress and need for rest, wasn't as bad as homeschool burnout! So I KNOW what I'm talking about! :D), what arrangements would you make for...say the first 3 months when you needed it most. You would be going to Dr app's, suffering from chemo, radiation, and the stress of having a disease like that, so you'd need some alternative arrangements. You have EVERY bit as much need for those alternative arrangements now. I think you sound bad enough to make some temporary arrangements - yes, I know you will feel it's not bad enough for that, or that other people will think it's not that bad....but it is. If the thought of struggling on for another 3 months makes your head feel like it will implode, you need to GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION to make these arrangements. (I'm not yelling at you with the capitals, just want you to see how important it is for you to take steps to get yourself over it.)

 

Now - how bad IS the school? Have a look at some kids around the neighbourhood? Do they look beaten? Are they on drugs? (well the older ones could be, but that's the case in very good private schools, too!). Do they still enjoy life? I'm sure they do in the main! Is the school really that bad - or is it just not ideal. Of course it won't be ideal, but its an emergency plan, and above all - it's SHORT TERM - 3 months. They will be getting some learning, which will put your mind at ease, and the negative influences will not have too much effect in that time. If your dc know it's only short term, too - they will probably look on it as quite an adventure.

 

Make arrangements for day-care (preferably, I would say), or a mother's helper for 3 months. I would say several days per week at the minimum. They have stimulating stuff for toddlers to do, and I'm sure you'll find he will get SO much from the experience. Again remember, it's short term! You are not a bad mom for wishing this stage past. With an arrangement like daycare, you can much more readily enjoy the time you have with him at home, when you are refreshed, and his high activity needs have been assuaged a little at daycare.

 

I know I've come across as bossy - but honestly, I really feel you need to give yourself the permission to recuperate and become the person you used to be. It will happen anyway, but it will take a lot longer than if you just give yourself the space to get better.

 

Again - remember...it's every bit as necessary right now, as if you had cancer.

 

Again - a hug, :grouphug: and I really hope you will find the strength to do what you need to do.

Edited October 12, 2012 by Isabella

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

I agree with taking a break. Is working later in the year, or even a year-round type schedule and option for your family? Or would the threat of doing school in the summer be enough to lite a fire under the kids' tails? :001_smile: Call who every you need to, but get your printer! Three weeks is long enough.

 

:grouphug: I hope things get better.

[justamouse]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

Most of the time, I would say take a two week vacation with orders to not think about school, but you're exhausted from stress and that isn't leaving any time soon, so no amount of vacation will fix it. So what has to be done is figuring out how do you deal with this.

 

You have three that are schooling and one unholy terror, right? ;) What are the grades you're dealing with?

 

They are young. You really need to do less than you think you do.

 

I was homeschooling my first year (oldest son and daughter) when my twins were born--and then less than a year and another came along...it was a nightmare.

 

The point I'm trying to make, though, is that they were older, and I scaled WAAAYYY back, and now, as a senior in HS, my daughter is a straight A student who far outpaces her peers and my son, though he went back to PS in 10th and was only homeschooled three years, went back IN grade (though he came home 'failing' that year).

 

Stop thinking about This Year--that's the sprint--think about where you want them to be in HS.

 

This is where depth vs breath comes in. We weren't able to do as much as I wanted, and I totally burned Josh and I out that first year--it was wretched. But the next year we stuck to the three Rs and that was it.

 

Did I give them the schooling I wanted for them? No. To be honest, I didn't. But I know more of my own pedagogy and theory now than I did back then, so even IF I had the time, I would have schooled them differently, and that's ok. They're both doing really well, and the love of family filled in the cracks. They're also still young and TBH, our relationship is what drives their learning, and all of that is still intact, so it's not a waste, you know?

 

So, being three weeks behind is ok. Schooling all year is how we dealt with the insanity, and it worked in strange, wonderful ways.

 

Stick to making sure math gets done. Then, read outloud to them. Give them a mandatory reading time according to age and ability. You can build the rest off of those two things.

 

You need to make sure you are taking care of yourself. Sleep when you can, eat the best you can and take your vitamins.

Edited October 12, 2012 by justamouse

[Remudamom]

We all go through this. Wait on your printer and in the meantime do fun stuff, like read alouds or field trips. You'll get back on your feet.

[justamouse]

We all go through this. Wait on your printer and in the meantime do fun stuff, like read alouds or field trips. You'll get back on your feet.

 

That IS true--we do all go through this.