Gwen in VA Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 Has anyone else had a kid who, due to lack of time, dropped a much-loved activity? Dd2 made the monumental decision to drop an activity where she was "in leadership" for the past two years. (She';s been in it since 5th grade.) This activity is one where students often drop out prior to 9th grade but usually stick it out once they hit high school. It is prestigious and much is made of the how great it looks on college apps. The time commitment was a challenge -- 14-18 hours per week during the school year and more during the summer. (No, she can't do is with a smaller time commitment, and yes, she has already dropped it, so please don't make suggestons of how she can blend things. She's tried that for the past two years!) Dd feels very strongly that she wants to pursue a different dream, one that will take a lot of time, so she needs a freer schedule. She took well over half a year to make the decision, and she seems at peace with it. I'm a wreck over this decision! i would love to hear some stories of kids who dropped a major activity that they were hugely successful in to pursue a wild and crazy dream! Sort of a high school version of a midlife crisis -- the lawyer who decides to toss the high-powered career to become a missionary or the person who leaves an established corporate career to start his own company! Anyone have that kind of story? If so, PLEASE share! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storm Bay Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 I don't know what the activity is, but this is the kind of heart wrenching decision that hast to be made. At 14 my kid brother opted not to move to the city to get the calibre of hockey he needed (he was VERY good) and is now a successful screen actor who has even been the lead on a network prime time TV series that lasted a number of seaons (not the star, so perhaps that doesn't quite fit with hugely successful, but given the odds of making a career out of screen acting (1/10,000 of those who try end up making a living at it) I'd say so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwen in VA Posted August 31, 2012 Author Share Posted August 31, 2012 Wow -- what a hard decision! Thanks for sharing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen in NY Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 (edited) My daughter(s) danced forever... both since the age of 2. My dd1 was at the studio 5 days a week, held "leadership" positions, was in all the highest level competition classes, and at her final recital won the "dancer of the year" award for her studio, which would have meant a 1/2 tuition scholarship. (I won't even go into the irony of quitting when it finally got "cheap!") Anyhooo.... it would have been really easy to keep spending 15-20 hours a week at the studio dancing and being a class assistant. It had been one of her major social outlets, dance was a huge part of her self image (for good and bad, BTW), and it was what *everyone* expected her to do. But she was unchallenged there. She had other blossoming interests that couldn't be adequately addressed whilst spending all of her free time at the dance studio. So, (after about a year of deliberating) she made the excruciating decision to walk away... had to call the studio director and deal with that (not pleasant....), call her duet partner of many, many years and let her know that she wouldn't be dancing anymore (worse than calling the director).... walk away from what amounted to her major social circle..... I cried, a lot, for weeks. We joined the local Science Academy Astronomy section immediately; we would finally be able to make the monthly meetings, and felt like it was important to feed her interests in a positive way quickly. Leaving dance left what felt like a huge hole! We met a young woman - a doctoral candidate in Physics and Astronomy. Long story short, she mentioned that when she was dd1's age she participated in an internship program..... Fast forward one year.... Today is the last day of dd's 2 month long internship at a Nuclear Fusion Research Lab that has been the most amazing, expanding, fascinating experience of her life. The lab has invited her to stay on during the year and continue her research. I know in my heart that if she had spent last year at the dance studio her level of preparation for the interview process would not have been what it was, and she probably wouldn't have been offered the position... and there's absolutely no way she would have been able to work at the lab and dance and apply for colleges and do all of her schoolwork this year. She has been given the opportunity to see scientists at the highest level of her field of interest at work... to work alongside them... to see world class possibilities. She has worked with a fantastic group of similarly motivated and interested teens... she has finally found "her people." I can't overstate the influence this has had on my daughter, and how her ambitions have stretched and grown by having the opportunity to peer behind the curtain. Don't worry... all of the experiences, the discipline, the leadership ... it is all transferrable. Those skills don't evaporate with a change of activity.:001_smile: Sometimes you need to leave where you are to find where you belong. Edited August 31, 2012 by Jen in NY Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyGrace Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 My daughter(s) danced forever... both since the age 2. My dd1 was at the studio 5 days a week, held "leadership" positions, was in all the highest level competition classes, and at her final recital won the "dancer of the year" award for her studio, which would have meant a 1/2 tuition scholarship. (I won't even go into the irony of quitting when it finally got "cheap!") Anyhooo.... it would have been really easy to keep spending 15-20 hours a week at the studio dancing and being a class assistant. It had been one of her major social outlets, dance was a huge part of her self image (for good and bad, BTW), and it was what *everyone* expected her to do. But she was unchallenged there. She had other blossoming interests that couldn't be adequately addressed whilst spending all of her free time at the dance studio. So, (after about a year of deliberating) she made the excruciating decision to walk away... had to call the studio director and deal with that (not pleasant....), call her duet partner of many, many years and let her know that she wouldn't be dancing anymore (worse than calling the director).... walk away from what amounted to her major social circle..... We joined the local Science Academy Astronomy section immediately; we would finally be able to make the monthly meetings, and felt like it was important to feed her interests in a positive way quickly. Leaving dance left what felt like a huge hole! We met a young woman - a doctoral candidate in Physics and Astronomy. Long story short, she mentioned that when she was dd1's age she participated in an internship program..... Fast forward one year.... Today is the last day of dd's 2 month long internship at a Nuclear Fusion Research Lab that has been the most amazing, expanding, fascinating experience of her life. The lab has invited her to stay on during the year and continue her research. I know in my heart that if she had spent last year at the dance studio her level of preparation for the interview process would not have been what it was, and she probably wouldn't have been offered the position... and there's absolutely no way she would have been able to work at the lab and dance and apply for colleges and do all of her schoolwork this year. She has been given the opportunity to see scientists at the highest level of her field of interest at work... to work alongside them... to see world class possibilities. She has worked with a fantastic group of similarly motivated and interested teens... she has finally found "her people." I can't overstate the influence this has had on my daughter, and how her ambitions have stretched and grown by having the opportunity to peer behind the curtain. Don't worry... all of the experiences, the discipline, the leadership ... it is all transferrable. Those skills don't evaporate with a change of activity.:001_smile: Sometimes you need to leave where you are to find where you belong. Thank you for this! We are in a similar situation to the OP-great to see there is light at the end of the tunnel! How wonderful for your dd! :grouphug: to OP-I know exactly how you feel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwen in VA Posted August 31, 2012 Author Share Posted August 31, 2012 Sometimes you need to leave where you are to find where you belong. Thank you, Jen. What a great story and such a happy ending! Change is hard.....A friend of mine used the term "bittersweet" -- leaving is hard but you think you are moving on to new adventures. It takes vision and courage to see beyond the loss, and I'm short on those at the moment! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen in NY Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 I totally get it. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: When we were in the throes of "the decision" --- it loomed so large and seemed so huge. It sucked up so much of our family's vital energy thinking about it. Which seems weird, because it seems much smaller now. There definitely IS a light at the end of the tunnel! Best to you and your daughter! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbmamaz Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 It wasnt quite as big as that, but still - my daughter (who i never homeschooled) had a great voice and always loved to sing. The high school choir sang for the middle school when she was in 7th grade, and from that moment on, her goal was to be in a choir with that director. She was one of very few 9th graders to make the lowest level try-out choir, and in 10th grade was one of the youngest in the highest all-women choir (not counting the . . whatever the female barbershop was). But . . . she was miserable. she was miserable in school, with the academics offered either too hard or too easy. She was miserable socially, finally really being smacked in the face by how different her friends values were from hers. She was miserable in choir, because the director hated her and lied to her face and generally went out of her way to make my daughter miserable. By this point, my daughter, who had never taken any art, had started teaching herself to draw and decided she wanted to go in to graphic art. we worked with the school to get her to do most of her credits at a local community college (which had an art program run by her old youth group leader!!). She was taking a full load at college plus at least 2 high school classes for her Jr and Sr year of high school - and had no time to sing. Now she is a transfer student at a local public university, in their very prestigious advertising program. She has been working more on her visual art instead of her music, but all in all, she is doing fantastic things, working part time, getting all her school work done, and excited about her carreer path. I still miss hearing her sing with that fantastic choir! but she had to let go of that adolescent dream to move on to her young-adult dream. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwen in VA Posted September 1, 2012 Author Share Posted September 1, 2012 she had to let go of that adolescent dream to move on to her young-adult dream Thank you for all the stories, ladies! They are balm to my soul right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted September 1, 2012 Share Posted September 1, 2012 We've seen this among our local friends, and it threw me at first too. I think that a lot of it that they're becoming young adults though, and they are seeing more of what their choices mean. One young lady we know spent years orienting herself to an elite ballet company with an associated school. She finally got in, and her family centered everything around that. Her dad even took a job that he wasn't particularly thrilled with so that he could commute with her. After a year she quit. She spent the whole year struggling with injuries and found that she didn't really like being consumed by ballet. So she's back to schooling at home and is dancing with a local company on a more reasonable schedule. She is talking about other areas of study in college. Another friend was involved in scouts from the beginning, and recently quit short of his Eagle to focus on 4-H. He wants to be a vet, and feels like that is a better pursuit right now. Prior to that 4-H had been a distant secondary interest. It happens! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwen in VA Posted September 1, 2012 Author Share Posted September 1, 2012 (edited) She did her last march as the #2 fifer with the Colonial Williamsburg Fifes and Drums. It was an awesome experience for her -- costumed interpreters shouted and waved flags like they do for graduating seniors, people gave her cards and gift cards, everybody cried and hugged her, and she was allowed to lead the performance. The best part was that her boss told her that if she needed a summer job, Colonial Williamsburg could always use her and all she needed to do was ask! Thanks for all of the encouragement. This has been a hard week, but today was awesome -- for the first time in six years, we could sleep in on a Saturday, she didn't have to go to rehearsal, and she is now leisurely doing some schoolwork. I apreciate all the stories about how life goes on after a major change! Edited September 1, 2012 by Gwen in VA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbmamaz Posted September 1, 2012 Share Posted September 1, 2012 Aww, what a sweet image! I always remember my daughter caroling at an event outdoors at Maymont . .. if you know where that is . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwen in VA Posted September 1, 2012 Author Share Posted September 1, 2012 We love wandering around the gardens at Maymont! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.