Inspire Me to Be a Better Teacher

[Mom0012]

I need to change my entire attitude towards homeschooling. I am a type A, goal-driven perfectionist. I have a son with special needs. I think that says it all.

 

I need to find a way to focus on the teaching process rather than whatever my goal is. I am totally motivated to "finish X curriculum" or "teach Y skill". I get totally frustrated and impatient when I feel like the goals aren't being met. I am devastated when I think a goal has been met, only to find out that it no longer is or that it is only going to be met on certain days because of learning disabilities.

 

I was totally depressed and disappointed after our recent round of standardized testing. Really, he did well enough, but his results were not nearly what I had hoped or expected. I know I need to adjust my expectations, but how do I do this?

 

I need to learn how to correct a child when they are not giving me the right answer. Do I just give them the answer? Asking more questions just seems to lead to frustration.

 

I work well with my daughter because she rarely makes mistakes, and when she does, she is like her mother and is so hard on herself, I wouldn't dream of doing anything but reassuring her. My son, on the other hand, has lots of struggles but is perfectly happy with his work as long as I am. He looks to me for approval and Lord knows, I try to give it to him.

 

This has been a huge struggle for me. I just don't know how to patiently work with this particular child. He really needs the one-on-one attention of homeschooling and he wants to homeschool, so it would break my heart to send him to public school. Sometimes, I really think that would be better for him though.

 

Please be gentle. This is something I have been working on and struggling with since I started with my son and I'm just at a loss of where to go from here. Maybe recommendations for books on teaching would be helpful. I would like to hire a tutor to work with this child, but I just don't know where the money would come from.

 

Lisa

[Peela]

Oh, I can relate. I am not really a type A driven person but I am fairly academically minded and my son just isnt, he has learning difficulties, he challenges me a lot. All my high classical ideals have gone through so many transformations! This year, I am thrilled because his handwriting has improved to now being clearly legible, and he frequently writes assignments of one page instead of half. It's a big deal. He is 12.

I think you probably know already that you need to just love him completely for who he is and not who you want him to be. I know its been hard for me but for me getting a diagnosis of dyslexia for my son helped me to stop giving us both a hard time. I thought I was a bad teacher and he was lazy, he thought he was stupid however many times I told him he wasnt, now I know it's not either of us, it's just how it is and its ok just how it is. There's nothing wrong with just being how you are. Not everyone is going to be a scholar.

I also have a bright academically minded daughter who is similar to me, so I know how you feel.

I think lots of cuddles and unconditional loving, separate from schoolwork, helps me maintain a good relationship with my son, as well as keeping my sonse of humour as much as possible- we have clashed a lot over school although its much better since I really did back off a lot, stopped "pushing" as I call it, and we changed over to using Ambleside. He loves to read, so by capitalising on his strength, we get everything else done too.

I think you adjust your expectations by just seeing and loving your son as he is, whether he ever does well academically or not. Its not the most important thing in the world, how well he does on test scores, ever- your relationship to him is far more important. These are the years you and he will look back on. I came to a crunch about 9 months ago now, and realised I wasn't going to look back on these years with my son with much fondness, because I was constantly trying to get him to be something slightly different from who he is, and I thought I was doing it for him. But no, looking deeper, I wanted him to look good for me, at least partly.

I went through quite a change and he felt it. I don't sacrifice today for tomorrow, for the future. This is the day I have with my son, and this is the day we need to live fully, with no regrets.This is life, not a practice run. I do use discipline and structure, but we finish school quicker than before, we read more books, we do nature walks, we just don't stress as much, and we are happier.

[Mom0012]

Oh, Peela, thank you so much! It helps just to know that someone else understands. I need to make myself a little plaque and put it right in front of my face whenever I am doing schoolwork with my son - "Don't sacrifice today for tomorrow". Like you, I have a loving, affectionate relationship with my son outside of school. It's always this one area that has been the problem for me.

 

My son does have a diagnosis, but I've always felt that we could just overcome it. As he gets older, it becomes clear that we won't. When I think about what I want for him, it is simply happiness. I just can't get past thinking he won't be happy because he won't have the opportunities he "should" have had.

 

Some of this is also me feeling like I am failing if he does not do great on the standardized tests. I feel like I received a "C" after all the hard work and effort and I'm just going to have to let go of that. I think I need to somehow get my brain to accept a new goal of being the most patient, fun teacher instead of achieving academic excellence. That shift is not coming easily for more though. It's less tangible, I guess.

 

Lisa

[Stacy in NJ]

You can do both. Lisa, are you having difficulty with the DI/SRA material? You can be a patient, giving, loving teacher and still have high but realistic standards. You do need to let go of the "we need to get through this lesson" mentality. Each time you have teaching time with your kiddo you have an opportunity to bond. Don't worry about the material just have him do what he can do, set it aside and return to it next time. Take a break from it, using something else, and return to it when you feel ready.

[Mom0012]

Stacy -

 

Yes! I have a love-hate relationship with that curriculum. The intensity of it and the length of time it takes to get through it really pushes me to my limits. And yet, I feel as though it gives my son the very best chance of doing well, so I don't want to drop it. I'm also using a lot of other teacher-intensive curriculum -- Rightstart for my daughter and SWR for both kids.

 

This isn't all about curriculum, but it does definitely have an impact. I am really toying with getting a part-time job so that I can pay someone else to do the DI programs with my son. Not exactly what I had envisioned when I decided to homeschool, but maybe the best for both of us. My husband has also volunteered to do the math program with him, but I am having a hard time with the idea of letting him take that over since he is wonderful in many ways, but not very consistent.

 

If I continue doing it all myself, I like your idea about working for set amount of time rather than trying to finish the lesson. Right now, we are doing SRA's Language for Writing and it is taking 1 1/2 hours just to get through the teaching part. I am ready to tear my hair out about 30 - 40 minutes in.

 

Lisa

[Sue G in PA]

You just described me...and my dd11 and my sons! I am very Type-A which does not go well w/ a son with Aspergers or a son who is very hands-on and doesn't like workbook type stuff. My dd11 is very much like me...loves school, does well, is self-motivated and independent. Easy. I wish I had some advice, but I'm looking for suggestions as well.

[Stacy in NJ]

I was doing Reasoning & Writing with my little guy. Thankfully, we finished up last week. I began breaking the lessons into two parts and spreading them over two days. They were just tooooooo long! We have an easier time with the math program; we're able to skip problems and some sections sometimes, which makes CMC much more doable. Definately make it work for you; don't be a slave to the curriculum. For writing next year we won't be moving on to R&W D, simply because I don't want to spend as much time on it as we have been. I'm going to use the 4th grade section of WWE and hopefully later will then intergrate both of my boys into the same curriculum, IEW. We'll continue on with CMC because it really works for us.

 

Please don't get discouraged on the basis of a standardized test. Think about the progress your ds has made that you can literally see with your own eyes. He's still little and even if he doesn't grow up to be a real egg head, I am certain that you will provide him with the skills he needs to be a successful and happy big person.

 

Peela is so right about enjoying the now. I struggle with this a well. I think I need a sign, too.

[Mom0012]

Stacy -

 

I'm sure it's got to be a relief to get that completed. I thought it was just us with the lessons taking so long. I wonder how on earth this program is implemented in public school?

 

Let me know if you want to sell your Reasoning & Writing. As torturesome as it is, I feel like it's working well. I am glad to hear that CMC isn't as bad. I haven't started that and was thinking about sticking with my R&S/Rightstart combo, but I'll probably get my husband to give it a whirl and see how it goes.

 

Thanks again!

Lisa

[Stacy in NJ]

Yep. Those lessons definately get long. I'm not quite ready to part with R&W just yet. I want to use it to review some multiparagraph narrative writing during this year. I'll look for you on the boards when I'm ready to get rid of it.

[HollyinNNV]

Well, maybe it would help to write down a list of daily goals for yourself. Check them off daily as you complete them.

 

Here are some that come to mind.

 

I hugged him when he finished an assignment.

I spoke patiently through the entire math lesson.

We laughed together today.

I gave him a hand massage after handwriting practice. (my ds loves those!)

He didn't get concept x, and so I've thought of 2 different ways to teach that concept tomorrow.

I told a funny joke.

He taught me something today.

 

Maybe focusing on these types of teacher habits will help you feel better about yourself and your teaching. Maybe you already do these things. You just need to pat yourself on the back for doing them.

Holly

[brehon]

Have you visited MFS' un-blog? I think she has some wonderful things to say about teaching and living. I can't speak to the specific curriculum you're using as I'm not familiar with it. Peela had some wonderful things to say in her response to you.

 

Some possibilities for books to read include anything by Marva Collins. Rafe Esquith (I think this is his name) is also an idea. These authors are teachers who have found great ways to connect with their students. Many of their ideas and techniques are certainly applicable to a homeschool setting. Look in your library for titles by these authors.

 

But, first, I'd read some of the MFS' entries on her blog.

[Mom0012]

Holly -

 

I love that! That is a great list and just what I need to be doing. Those are definitely not the kinds of things that are on my checklist now. Something like this might really help me because I am such a "check the box" person.

 

Thanks!

Lisa

[Mom0012]

Stacy -

 

Thanks! I have to say I worked with my son yesterday and I kept your comment about it being an opportunity to bond at the forefront of my mind during the lesson and it really helped me through it.

 

Lisa

[Mom0012]

Have you visited MFS' un-blog? I think she has some wonderful things to say about teaching and living. I can't speak to the specific curriculum you're using as I'm not familiar with it. Peela had some wonderful things to say in her response to you.

 

Some possibilities for books to read include anything by Marva Collins. Rafe Esquith (I think this is his name) is also an idea. These authors are teachers who have found great ways to connect with their students. Many of their ideas and techniques are certainly applicable to a homeschool setting. Look in your library for titles by these authors.

 

But, first, I'd read some of the MFS' entries on her blog.

 

Thank you! I will check out the MFS' blog. I always loved what she had to say on the board. I will also see what my library has by Marva Collins and Esquith. That's just the kind of book I was thinking of.

 

Lisa