Extreme POOPaphobia in my 2.7 year old daughter. Anyone else experience this?

[bridgette]

My daughter will turn 3 this September. She detests going to the bathroom (especially #2). We began potty training about 6 - 7 months ago and even before she was potty training she didn't like to poop even in her diaper. THEN (before potty training) she would hold it in purposely (you could tell as she went to great links to put it off --- red face, squeezing buns together, etc.) and she would not go for several days until I would have to give her Miralax stool softener (Dr. advised this) to get her to go. We started potty training about 6 months ago and she STILL hates to do #2. Her #1 potty training was great, but #2 was almost always in her panties when she would go. It has NOW (this past 2 weeks) gotten to the point where she won't even go urinate to avoid the chance that the feces will come with it. Even in the morning (when I KNOW her bladder's bound to be full), she won't go to the bathroom. She cries while on the potty. I'm to the point where I wonder if we don't need a child psychologist.

The doctor says her anatomy looks normal and I can't tell where the stool is hard to cause discomfort. Now we just give her the Miralax regularly and she still tries to avoid it altogether. I've ruled out falling-in-toilet phobias.

I don't know where to go with this (especially since our 2nd child is due in 2 days).

Has anyone else had this issue? Can you offer any advice?

[Kathryn]

Miralax every single day until she gets over it and don't make a big deal out of it. ODS tore internally from withholding and it took two years of daily Miralax for him to heal. I didn't put any pressure on YDS at all because I was so scared of a repeat. He decided on his own last month that he was ready and that was it. He's also September 2009. I would have let him go much longer though.

[Chris in VA]

Honestly, I'd hit the reboot button. Put her back in diapers, don't mention pottying at all for a couple of months, then try again. But that's just me.

[Momof3littles]

We went through this with my oldest after a big painful poop. We dealt with it for about 2 years, and his intestine got stretched out enough that he had encoperesis-liquidy stuff would leak out and around the blocked up poop. We did miralax, but in retrospect we should have done a better job of using it consistently, and daily, and over a longer period of time.

 

My youngest withholds too (he's just over 2) but goes in phases with it. He hasn't had a big painful poop yet so his isn't as extreme. We give him miralax, which he handles fine in a smoothie with a straw :)

 

Some docs recommend upping the miralax gradually until it is soft enough they can't withhold, and then backing down. Talk with your own doc.

[Bang!Zoom!]

Years ago I knew and cared for a child like this. A part of the solution was to never, ever flush the tank while she was present.

 

Somehow in her mind, she connected to solids to a literal part of her, and flushing *that* away just really caused problems.

 

That particular child also needed baby wipes and not regular paper as well.

[coffeefreak]

Disclaimer, my oldest is now almost 13,:svengo: and so some of my experience may be outdated. I can't believe I'm having to say that! When did I get so old?!?!?! I will say though, my oldest is not scarred in any way, and no, I did not ruin her. Her potty phobia did go away by age 5 and now she's shocked she ever had it to begin with. Take that as encouragement.:001_smile:

 

My oldest was the same way, except she only liked to poop standing up because of how constipated she was, and that's why we couldn't get her potty trained. The Dr said a stool for her feet was a must and reluctantly gave me a stool softener. She warned me that she wouldn't re-fill it because they really don't like to give kids "help" unless there's a severe medical condition related to the difficulty. The stool was extremely helpful because then her little feet weren't dangling, and her little butt wouldn't go numb from sitting there so long. It also enabled her to read.

 

Another thing I did, which I know is going to be highly controversial, is, I threw away all pullups and diapers for her. I was in the exact same position you are. Baby on the way, 3 year old in diapers, and potty training was not working. So, I told her she was going to be a big sister, she was a big girl now, and only the baby would be wearing diapers (I couldn't afford two in diapers). I threw them all away, and cleaned up messes for a good 6 months. I rewarded her for going potty in the potty, ESPECIALLY if she pooped. She NEVER had an overnight accident, but even if she did, I would not have pulled back out the pullups. I never put my youngest in them. I still think they're death to potty training.:glare: I'll warn you, this was harder on me than her. I can't tell you all the fights and frustrations we had. However, I knew we were making progress when we went to the zoo one day and I forgot her bag of backup clothes. When she chose to wet herself 5 min in instead of using the potty, we had to go home (I had tried to take her to the bathroom, and she threw a fit). I lived an hour from the zoo and would have had to pay to get back in. I was FURIOUS, but it turned out, having to go home and have our day ruined was one of the things that convinced her to go on the potty. From that day on, she started working with me instead of against me. She was almost 4, and it had been at least 6 months into no pullups or diapers.

 

One last thing, I know some moms that have bought "seats" where their kids can squat or stand above the toilet to make it more comfortable for them. I honestly would have tried that if I had known they existed. I didn't hear about them until my youngest was born and she was a BREEZE to potty train! Go figure LOL!

 

HTH! Potty training sucks!

:grouphug:

Dorinda

[Momof3littles]

Another tip is to make sure her feet are supported when she is trying to poop.

 

I would disagree that throwing out dipes will make it easier. My kids are/were diaper free and withheld as a result. I think for some kids I would just offer the dipe for pooping and wean off it later, because really, I know of too many kids who had significant issues as a result of the withholding (needed to be surgically de-impacted in one case). I have heard of people offering a dipe for poop if the child will comfortably poop in the diaper, then weaning off of it by cutting out the back of it and having them poop on the toilet as time goes on. As someone who went through 2+ years of withholding with her kid, I would do what it took to get them comfortable pooping. Offering dipes didn't work in our case, but if it will for your DD, I'd consider it. THe longer they withhold, the harder the poop gets, and over time the more poop they can withhold because things stretch out. And it creates a vicious cycle. In time they lose tone in their bowel and sphincters and then they start getting leakage around the blocked part. It isn't uncommon at all in kids that withhold. BTDT. I'm just trying to point out that you want to stop the cycle. If diapers stop it for now, I'd use them. I'd start w/ giving enough miralax to keep things soft enough she can't withhold, and then tweak the dose over time so it just keeps things soft but not ridiculously loose.

 

I"d start with the miralax, regularly, and give it time to work. Keep her on maintenance with it. Make sure she's getting enough fluids. Even if her poop doesn't appear to be hard, a lot of times the softer stuff gets pushed out around the blocked up harder stuff. THat can make it difficult to discern how "hard" their poop really is. And that bowel can keep stretching and holding more and more poop for longer and longer periods of time. Nasty, nasty cycle.

[bridgette]

lots of good advice here. I appreciate the input and help.