Please tell me how you've gotten over not having any more children

[Tracey in TX]

Waaaaaah. That is me whining. We can't have any more children and I know I need to get over it. My youngest is 6, so really, having another one even if we could, would be very difficult seeing as we are in a totally new season. I just can't get the thought of wanting more out of my head.

 

HOW ON EARTH do other woman do this?????? :glare: I'm game for any suggestions. Please, if you've gotten over it and moved on, please tell me *what* you did if anything to get to that point. :bigear:

 

Thank you.

I love children and prayed for a houseful! What I *meant* was my two and all their friends. LOL Certainly wasn't specific in prayer and am so eternally grateful for it. That being said, sometimes I have a teensy desire for more. That's how we get exchange students, extended sleepovers, kids who need a 'break' from home (with parental blessings). It meets my desires, drives DH bonkers, and makes our home a bit happier and crazier/

[SusanG]

We knew 2 was our magic number when we tried for our second child. DH had his vasectomy appointment scheduled before she was even born, and had it done when she was a few months old. We were happy with two from the moment our daughter was born, and neither of us have ever had so much as a teensy weensy desire for more children.

[summer]

You just said you'd "take a baby in a second given the chance" and stated earlier that you decided not to "push your luck" after your friend did everything she could to maintain a pregnancy and "has a child with Down's now." What does that mean?

 

I guess I pushed my luck by having a second child at age 32 who happened to be born with Down Syndrome.

 

I'll probably regret posting this; I already regret it. I usually make it a rule for myself to stay off the general board and out of personal posts but I guess I couldn't help myself this time. Your post really hit me wrong. Everytime we choose to become parents we face risks, unknowns, heartbreaks and, thankfully, unbelievable joy as well. This is the case regardless of # of children, age of mother, whether the child is adopted or biological and so on...I'll stop now.

 

Carolyn

 

I am guessing what she meant is that having Down's was a sign that it could have been worse. I have known people to have babies die and 3 of the people I have known to have babies with down's, the babies died before they turned 1. I can see what she means. What if I push it and then there is something really wrong with the baby? Not something livable where the child has a life and can go on, but something with a heart defect or something where the baby lives a while and has a painful life and then dies. I have a friend going through this right now. Her child has a partial chromosome deletion on one of the chromosomes, not sure which one right now. Anyway, her baby had an 80% chance of dying by 2 and basically does not have a chance really at living in the long run and her baby cries all the time from pain and requires so much medical care. She spends half her time in the hospital. I feel so lucky with the children I have now, but what if something did go wrong? Something fatal and devastating and so on. I do not think she was making an attack on children with Down's at all but rather to point out the possibility of bigger issues.

[PeterPan]

Bess, there will be a 9 1/2 year gap between my first and this new baby, not by our choice. I had emotionally moved on, gone through all the hurt, and then got my surprise. Whether or not you'll have more kids physically, I don't know, but I will say the thing that turned it around for me was realizing I could have kids OTHER ways. I started teaching co-op classes and taking mothers into my home to teach them skills. I started pouring that energy I would have put into a baby or toddler into other people, other ministries. I pursued more grad school and correspondence courses, even contemplated going back for a degree so I'd be hireable. I basically set some long-term goals (finish a master's so I can teach) and was starting to prepare for that. Now God had other plans for me, but that doesn't happen for everyone. Can't even believe it happened to me honestly, even though these days it's pretty real, lugging around that extra weight.

 

The one thing I can say is to not do what I did: don't skip holding babies. It hurt so much to deal with our inability that I just didn't for about 8 years. It kind of messes you up internally to do that, so don't clamp down on that part of you. But I'll tell you, the time I felt most whole was at the end, where I finally realized I could have *20* kids if I taught, and most moms only have 3 or 4 or 8. As I started pouring my energy into that, I felt better. :)

[2cents]

Hummm...my last two are very close together so it itself helped...also...potty training and teaching two to read (felt like I was doing phonics and Bob books FOREVER)...oh and the GINORMOUS double stroller that literally parted the crowds when they saw us coming. All of those reasons helped us in our resolve to not have more children. Now I'll babysit and I love to hold other babies but I'm happy to give them back to their mothers too. :)

[Bess]

Bess, there will be a 9 1/2 year gap between my first and this new baby, not by our choice. I had emotionally moved on, gone through all the hurt, and then got my surprise. Whether or not you'll have more kids physically, I don't know, but I will say the thing that turned it around for me was realizing I could have kids OTHER ways. I started teaching co-op classes and taking mothers into my home to teach them skills. I started pouring that energy I would have put into a baby or toddler into other people, other ministries. I pursued more grad school and correspondence courses, even contemplated going back for a degree so I'd be hireable. I basically set some long-term goals (finish a master's so I can teach) and was starting to prepare for that. Now God had other plans for me, but that doesn't happen for everyone. Can't even believe it happened to me honestly, even though these days it's pretty real, lugging around that extra weight.

 

The one thing I can say is to not do what I did: don't skip holding babies. It hurt so much to deal with our inability that I just didn't for about 8 years. It kind of messes you up internally to do that, so don't clamp down on that part of you. But I'll tell you, the time I felt most whole was at the end, where I finally realized I could have *20* kids if I taught, and most moms only have 3 or 4 or 8. As I started pouring my energy into that, I felt better. :)

 

Thank you for this post. I think it would help me to set a long term goal like you did. It's helpful to know that it helped you move on to do that. Thanks again, and congratulations!

[Jumping In Puddles]

This thread has me in tears. I'm literally posting this through tears. I hate the thought of not being pregnant again and having a little baby. I love the 2 I have and I'm grateful but there's just something that is so terribly sad about knowing that this is it. :crying: