Out of age level comments from kids?

[FairProspects]

Ds has teacher permission to take an out-of-age-level class. He is doing well in the class (better than some of the older kids, which may have prompted the comments), but now kids are bugging him about how old he is and what grade he is in, and telling him he's too young/little for the class. Ds is an introvert and is sensitive in general, so he was fighting back tears telling me this because he really wants to make friends in the class. This class until now has been a great, safe place for him to shine, and I don't want him to turn off to something he loves because of stupid kid comments.

 

What can I say to him to smooth things over? What are some appropriate responses he can say back to other kids? What is some BTDT advice?

[jennynd]

I don't know what is the answer.

DS is currently in a very very small private school and accelerate 2 grades. Most kids he knows are with him since they were in 1st grade or kindergarten. so he didn't have a problem. I am scared to death what gonna happen next year. we realized that he can't hide in small private school forever and also some other curriculum related issue we have with school made us decided to move him to PS next year and I really don't know what gonna happen... We actually told the principal that we do not want him to be accelerated in PS because of that. I figure we afterschool anyway and he is so far ahead even accelerate him 2 grades really not doing anything for him, so we will just let him stay with his age group. It is not the best solution. but there is no other way around.

[Dmmetler]

What I've noticed is that my DD gets such comments when the older kids feel threatened-like when she can easily solve a problem that they can't. I think they feel a need to make her feel younger to make themselves feel bigger. I'm not sure what the answer is, because even outside of academic settings, it happens when DD is just being herself, like when, while waiting to go into gymnastics, the conversation was on math (and how hard it is) and DD piped in with something she'd just found out and had found thrilling (probably dealing with extracting cube roots-that was that day's discovery that had her talking my ear off). So-invariably, when DD was struggling with her cartwheel and handspring, she got comments about how she's just a baby and can't keep up with the big kids.

 

I don't think she was trying to show off, but that's how it was taken, and I don't know how to teach her to walk the tightrope between making other people feel bad without meaning to while not hiding who she is inside, which includes being enthusiastic about things like cube roots.

[MomatHWTK]

I wasn't super gifted in school, but often got the top grade. My school experience throughout was pretty brutal. I was intellectually able but not emotionally so. My parents didn't know how to help with social skills and back then there was no such thing as grade privacy. I spent 12 years (11.5 actually) with a HUGE target on my back. :confused:

 

Having a bright child requires the parent to do more than just seek to maximize academic opportunity. Making sure the child can navigate through a world where people are competitive and often mean is just as important. Ideally, everyone would be appreciated for their unique gifts and talents and be kind to one another. But, you have to prepare the child for the alternative. This will involve making sure they aren't doing anything to make the matter worse and helping them to develop a "thick skin."

 

Sometimes the academic gain may not be worth the emotional sacrifice. That's something you'll have to continually evaluate. I'm sure you are doing your best- just remember, you can't always change other people. You only really have control over how you respond to them. :grouphug:

[jennynd]

Another thing come to my mind is that my DS does do a lot sports sponsored by the town. So when we go out, he will say hi left and right to different kids that I never seen before. (DH takes DS to sports thing) I am banking on that will help him when he goes to PS.

Not sure if you have that option. Usually it is easier for kids making friends during sport events

[FairProspects]

What are the ages involved?

 

Appropriate responses: factual. Ds2 usually answers that he is a good listener, and that's why math is easy for him. Elementary school boys are usually so busy fighting to be alpha dog that they can't figure out what friends are...ds would look for friends outside the clique and the teacher would pair him with someone suitable in partner work and seating arrangement.

 

Ds is 7, and the other boys are 9-10. There probably is some alpha dog shuffling going on. And I thought girl comments were bad. *sigh*

 

But, you have to prepare the child for the alternative. This will involve making sure they aren't doing anything to make the matter worse and helping them to develop a "thick skin."

 

 

I'm sure this is the route we will go, as ds loves this class. So much for the argument that hs kids won't make it in the real world since they don't get picked on. :D

 

Just for clarification, this is a community class, so while there is a teacher, it is not an all day/systemic problem like in a school classroom.

[Donna]

My dd has not taken any classes but did get comments when she started with her current orchestra last year. When asked her age, she answers. When asked her grade level she says she home schools and does not do a particular grade level (sometimes she'll say, "if I were in school, I'd be in 4th grade.")

 

I haven't taught her this but she tends to do it on her own and it seems to work...she'll compliment other kids on something (a shirt they are wearing, a new haircut, anything). It seems to take their guard down and removes the attention from her. When comments are made to her she smiles and says thank you and moves on or will come right back at someone trying to make her feel bad. She has two older brothers, a very thick skin, and thinks fast on her feet.

[Bang!Zoom!]

Have you considered approaching the teacher for one on one tutoring if things get funky emotionally?

[Dmmetler]

Maybe he just needs to tell them flat out to cut it out. My DD's dance teacher came out Tuesday, mid-class, getting one of the teens to assist, with a big grin on her face, and told me that "I had to get out of there before I started laughing. DD is SO P#$%^&%%!" There's one 10 yr old in this class who is more than a bit of a bully, and DD has been her primary target ever since the teacher moved DD up to the front row and complimented DD on her speed at learning choreography. DD's been spending a lot of time ignoring comments in class, and then getting upset in the car on the way home, wondering why this child doesn't like her, what she's doing wrong, etc. She's also verbalized this to the teacher, who has talked to the child several times without any real results.

 

Apparently, DD got mad and let this girl have it, verbally, with both barrels. Not crying, not shaking, not any of her normal frustrated with HERSELF behaviors. The impetus apparently was that this older child, beyond picking on DD, went after one of DD's friends, who is a sweet, lovable little girl who is not at ALL assertive herself. And that got DD mad.

 

So DD told this girl flat out that she was being mean, that she was NOT to be mean to A (DD's friend), and that as far as DD was concerned, she was DONE with the girl and wasn't going to deal with her ANY more, so Meangirl could just go play her games elsewhere. Then DD turned to the teacher and asked if they could go on with class. Completely calm, cool and collected, leaving the older kid to pick her jaw up off the floor. Which was when the teacher excused herself and let her assistant take the class, because she was having too hard of a time keeping her composure-she said it was like watching a toy poodle tear into a rottweiler, and the rottweiler back down.

 

Apparently the rest of the class went much more smoothly, and DD came out and told me "Meangirl" was MUCH nicer now!".

 

We'll see how the next couple of weeks go (the recital's only about a month away at this point).