KirstenH Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 Okay, I'm going to post about this again, this time without last night's whining. (Thanks again for the hugs, those of you who saw that.) DH and I have always wanted to adopt a child internationally, but I recently was diagnosed and treated for cancer (the scary internal organ kind). They caught it early and after surgery, I'm clean, but I have to follow up yearly for six years just to be sure. It occurred to me last night that having this in my history might be a real problem for adopting, so I looked it up on Google. What I found was not terribly encouraging. Many countries will not consider a prospective parent who has ever had cancer at all, and many more require you to have been cancer-free for 3-10 years. (I've only been cancer-free for a month.) The problem is, my husband is going to be 47 in a couple of months, which means in 3 years he will be 50, which is the cutoff for many international adoption programs. I guess my question is, have any of you done this, or do you know anyone who has done it? I would love to hear something encouraging about this. I'm off to take Bacon to preschool, but I'll be back later. (Because I know someone will ask, I'm going to preemptively say that for several reasons, we are not comfortable with domestic adoption for our family at this time.) Thanks in advance if you have any information that can help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kokotg Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 I don't know much, but DH's cousin and his wife dealt with this recently. She had breast cancer a few years ago, and then they were hoping to adopt a child from Georgia (the country, not the state). They even made a trip there, but it wound up not working out, because of her history of cancer. They ended up adopting domestically, though, and have an adorable little boy now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 Someone I knew was diagnosed with breast cancer shortly after getting matched up with a child in Haiti. This little girl's adoption was finalized a week before the earthquake and they came home on one of those emergency flights. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murmer Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 China has stopped issuing waivers for cancer and basically said uf you had cancer you cannot adopt from china...other countries are less strigent about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KirstenH Posted March 29, 2012 Author Share Posted March 29, 2012 Wow, kokotg, I can't believe it got as far as them traveling to Georgia before it all fell apart. How horrible for them! Thanks to the rest of you who responded. The little I've managed to find on this subject online seems to indicate domestic adoption is the most reliable way to go if you've had cancer. I don't think that's going to be an option for us, though. Private agencies only seem to want young couples with no or one kid. I'm 31, but DH is older, and we have two kids already. We're absolutely not comfortable doing foster-to-adopt, so ... I'm just having a really hard time accepting that our adoption plans as we had imagined them are more than likely no longer an option. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kokotg Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 Wow, kokotg, I can't believe it got as far as them traveling to Georgia before it all fell apart. How horrible for them! Thanks to the rest of you who responded. The little I've managed to find on this subject online seems to indicate domestic adoption is the most reliable way to go if you've had cancer. I don't think that's going to be an option for us, though. Private agencies only seem to want young couples with no or one kid. I'm 31, but DH is older, and we have two kids already. We're absolutely not comfortable doing foster-to-adopt, so ... I'm just having a really hard time accepting that our adoption plans as we had imagined them are more than likely no longer an option. Yeah, I don't know how it worked out that they didn't already know before they went....I know that he had worked there for several years, so it may have been more of a trip to visit friends and see what was up and whether it would work out. FWIW, they already had 2 biological kids when they did their domestic adoption....I believe she was in her early 30's and he was in his late 30's. I hope something works out for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2hunangirls Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 I have 2 friends that absolutely do not qualify to the written rules for China...one brought home her son 5 months ago and one is traveling in the next few months. I will say it is not for the faint of heart...you have to call agencies and tell your story and tell some more and get doctors letters and tell your story some more. Expect some heart break. Try again. The one thing I've learned from these two is that where your heart is there your treasure will be also. Both of these families were denied more than once. And call another agency and started over again. It wasn't fast and wasn't easy, but.... I'm so sorry that it all seems so hard, and that it is hard. Both of my girls are from China and it was hard....but textbook. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FriedClams Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 I have a dear friend who adopted domestically after cancer. Bad cancer. Then - twins. A boy and a girl. Makes me cry thinking of how God orchestrated it all. Nothing is impossible with God. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKidAcademy Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 I am a firm believer in the notion that YOUR child will find his/her way to you, no matter the obstacles. Best wishes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KirstenH Posted March 29, 2012 Author Share Posted March 29, 2012 I have a dear friend who adopted domestically after cancer. Bad cancer. Then - twins. A boy and a girl. Makes me cry thinking of how God orchestrated it all. Nothing is impossible with God. Thank you for sharing this. I needed to hear it ... even if it doesn't work out for me and mine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jallison25 Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 Kristen, are you looking to adopt a typical child or a child with disabilities? I know that sometimes the "rules" can be overlooked with children w/ disabilities. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilacii Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 I had bone cancer (13 yrs. ago). We attempted to adopt from China. We were not allowed to because of my previous situation. It was certainly eye-opening for us... There are coutries with fewer "blanket stated" laws, but you might simply be unable to adopt from some locations. My heart goes out to you because we have been where you are now. It isn't encouraging, but know others understand how you feel. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KirstenH Posted March 29, 2012 Author Share Posted March 29, 2012 We are open to special needs, but not *severe* special needs. We have NO family or community support to help us out, so we really need to be realistic about our limitations and the impact that this would have on our other two. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KirstenH Posted March 29, 2012 Author Share Posted March 29, 2012 I had bone cancer (13 yrs. ago). We attempted to adopt from China. We were not allowed to because of my previous situation. It was certainly eye-opening for us... There are coutries with fewer "blanket stated" laws, but you might simply be unable to adopt from some locations. My heart goes out to you because we have been where you are now. It isn't encouraging, but know others understand how you feel. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murmer Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 Already having children in your home and age do not preclude you from domestic adoption, although it may mean the wait is longer. I have a friend who has 5 other children and placed 2 years ago with a white newborn. I know 50 + single women who are getting placements. Be prepared for a wait but if your baby is coming through adoption then your baby will come regardless of age and number of children in the home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momof3sofar Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 We are currently in process for a little girl from China with mild cerebral palsy. I was diagnosed 18 mo ago with breast cancer. It is not true that China will no longer accept someone who has had cancer. You need an agency who is willing to ask for the waivers and you do need to be open to special needs and/or older children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KirstenH Posted March 29, 2012 Author Share Posted March 29, 2012 We are currently in process for a little girl from China with mild cerebral palsy. I was diagnosed 18 mo ago with breast cancer. It is not true that China will no longer accept someone who has had cancer. You need an agency who is willing to ask for the waivers and you do need to be open to special needs and/or older children. Oh, wow. I will pray for your adoption to go smoothly, and your cancer to be cured. If you don't mind, would you consider PMing me the name of the agency you're using? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lea1 Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 We adopted our two sons from Russia and my husband was already 52 at that time. We were happy to find that they only really look at the age of the mother and I am 8 years younger. I believe they have changed some of their adoption laws since then but you should check into it. Also, be very careful because what we found was that many agencies have their own age limits and they will tell you that is the age limit for adopting from such and such country when it is really the age limit for their agency. Ask me how we know.:tongue_smilie: We used Christian World Adoption and we were very happy with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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