Should it be dd or my responsibility to remember when to go?

[Mynyel]

She goes to karate twice a week. Has been for the last year and a half. She is one belt from being a black belt.

 

I have told her when to go for every single class. Every one. She is 14 now. Would it be unreasonable of me to put the ball in her court and have her tell me when it is time to go?

[SonshineLearner]

My daughter is 13 and this year it turned out to be her job. I would give a couple weeks of "reminding" if you think it's needed. Talk through different ways that she may remind her. (How do you think you might remind yourself to go... Cell phone alarm, etc.) Not as a punishment, but as a step towards independence. :)

[Mommyof4ks]

I agree with PP, it would be a step toward independence. My dd is a worrier by nature and afraid we will miss stuff, so she is always reminding me when to go places (she is 12), but my laid DS will have a hard time taking on that responsibility.

[Tohru]

Personally, unless she's driving, you should be responsible, not her. Drivers know the route, weather issues, high traffic events, light timing considerations, alternate shortcuts, etc.

 

Unless you tell her in advance, "Today is nice and the roads are fine, there isn't any construction going on, its not a holiday week, so we only need to leave 25 minutes before your class starts. Tell me when it is time to go."

Then it can be her responsibility.

Edited March 27, 2012 by jadedone80
fix grammar

[Cindyg]

Does she walk to class? If so, yes, I could see it being her responsibility. But if you're driving her, you've got to have it on your calendar and work your other responsibilities around it.

 

I guess I don't understand the question. You want her to say, "Mom, it's time to go to karate"?

 

My son is also 14, takes karate, and is one belt behind yours. I'm the one who says, "It's time to ket ready to go to karate" and I'm OK with that.

[Paige]

Personally, unless she's driving, you should be responsible, not her. Drivers know the route, weather issues, high traffic events, light timing considerations, alternate shortcuts, etc.

 

Unless you tell her in advance, "Today is nice and the roads are fine, there isn't any construction going on, its not a holiday week, so we only need to leave 25 minutes before your class starts. Tell me when it is time to go."

Then it can be her responsibility.

 

:iagree: I think it is reasonable to expect her to get ready to go on her own if you tell her something like, "You need to be dressed by 5:45."

[*********]

She goes to karate twice a week. Has been for the last year and a half. She is one belt from being a black belt.

 

I have told her when to go for every single class. Every one. She is 14 now. Would it be unreasonable of me to put the ball in her court and have her tell me when it is time to go?

 

If you feel she's ready to take on the responsibility of remembering, then start transitioning the responsibility to her. Tell her it's her job to remind you now, and that you'll be giving her a few weeks to get used to it. Tell her that starting in May (or whenever you think is reasonable), that you will no longer be helping her remember.

 

I think it's very reasonable to expect a (typical) 14 year old to be able to learn to be responsible for something like this. IMO, something like your situation is ideal for new responsibilities. It's not like you're making her remember her dental cleaning appointments, you know? :tongue_smilie: I assume karate is something she wants to do, therefore she'll have even more motivation to be responsible for getting there.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Ds14 is responsible for making sure that he has a clean gi and that everything is packed and ready to go to taekwando at our usual departure time. I do not remind him to do these things for the most part and he doesn't remind me to get ready to go either. We both take responsibility for our part of the equation.

[tex-mex]

I have a 16 y.o Aspie teen son. So take this advice with a grain of salt?

 

He is just now learning responsibility with community service -- he works one day a week with the local city govt. office. The night before "work", he knows he needs to shower, lay out clothes, and get to bed early.

 

It is my job to feed him breakfast and get him there (he does not drive) on time.

 

And to pick him up after his shift is over. Since he is Aspie/Perfectionist, we go back and forth on the issue of being "on time". I get him there 5 minutes early to sign in and go up to the 2nd floor. He thinks he should be there 10-15 minutes earlier as the lines for his job are long and he feels bad that he is not there to help. :confused:

 

I point out that his shift begins at ______ am. If he leaves the house at _______ time, we get there at __________ am -- 5 minutes early. If ds did not dawdle while eating, grooming, or just sitting doing nothing... we could get there earlier. But this is his responsibility. His supervisor says no worries as he is doing a great job and this month earned Volunteer of the Month. I think if he really wanted to be there early, he needs to make the effort. I'm just the driver. Life skills -- from an Aspie POV.