HELP!!! Don't know what to do with my add/aspie 15yo ds!!

[shastanarnia]

I could really use some help/suggestions please!!

 

My 15yo 10th grader has lost this school year completely. He had been doing an online class this fall that was "right up his alley" - History through Film. He did very well, and kept up reasonably well with other classes I assigned him. I knew that he wasn't putting as much effort into them, but he was keeping up. Then January came....and moderate to severe depression! We got him over the depression, through vitamins, light therapy, and other supplements (prescribed by a qualified doctor). However, he still can't function well enough to feel capable of doing school work. We have him barely keeping up with his online class (World history through film). He feels incapable of completing work. Since I also have ADD, I'm not sure where to begin making changes for him.

 

We live in a VERY underserviced area, with few professionals that are qualified. I would have to drive significant distances for help. Also, our income is very limited.

 

I'm thinking that something like an educational consultant might be helpful. Either that or an ADD coach?

 

I would appreciate any suggestions anyone has. I'm at my wit's end...he's very very bright, but doesn't feel he can do anything!!

 

Thanks,

Darlene

[cjbeach]

We just finishes quite a bit of neuropsych testing. One of the things he suggested was retetivtive physical activity (running, lap swimming, distance bike riding).

[EKS]

What is your role in his schooling? Do you maintain an active presence with teaching and organization and such, or are you more hands off in your approach?

[AK_Mom4]

When DS16 was an 8th grader, we went thru a similiar "bad time" with depression. I had to refocus his academics for a while - we just did his outside class (music which he loved) and math. Our goal was to get thru 2 math lessons each day for about a month. No writing, no history, nothing but the one academic subject. And lots and lots of physical activity (in his case martial arts) and field trips.

 

We did have his Vitamin D levels checked and they were extremely low, so his doc started him on a supplement. After a month of just math and the vitamin D, things got better and we added back in his regular course load and things were ok. We even finished about on time that year.

 

I often thought (to myself) that his brain had shut down with the depression and we had to sort-of slow-start it again.

[shastanarnia]

cjbeach....thanks for that! it's interesting though, he has been on a swim team since age 5...absolutely hates it...i've allowed him to cut back as long as he is running (we've started a homeschool track team). I agree absolutely that its essential...but the swimming was stressing him more. Running is much more theraputic for him!

[shastanarnia]

Kai...that's a good question. I'm pretty much hands off. I've tried to be more hands on...but it never worked with him. He was always resistant to my teaching, and enjoyed learning directly from books. However, with me being ADD as well, its hard for me to keep him on schedule. Right now, he's just doing his online class. We are slowly adding back some of his other classes, however I don't think he'll finish most of them this year. I'm not sure I want to pressure him just yet, it would depress him that he can't get it finished!!

[Lecka]

My same-age cousin I grew up with has Aspergers. I have the perspective of a cousin, not of a parent. My aunt and uncle are wonderful people.

 

As an adult my cousin has taken (at different times) medication for anxiety and depression. It has helped him to get to where he can do some concrete things that would help some underlying reasons for the depression. Or, maybe it has just plain helped. I am not sure.

 

Recently we were all worried about him, and it turned out he was depressed. We did not recognize it as depression -- he seemed more lacksadaisical and distracted than depressed, and he could not get anything done, even things he wanted to do.

 

In general he needs opportunities to be independent from his parents -- this is hard b/c he does need a lot of help. He also needs some social activities. He goes to church but he will not always fit in with the group he is supposed to be in -- it is very hard. Throughout his life he has done better with people who just like him... but it is hard to find these people, and sometimes someone will move or have less time for him just b/c life, and then it is hard to fill in the gap.

 

He does not feel much in common with me since I have had kids, which is sad for me, and he is not great with little kids. He is doing really well with my older son since he has gotten a little older, though. (He is almost 7.) We used to be closer.

 

Overall -- I don't know. My cousin had a hard time in high school also, he also has some learning disabilities and he has a hard time organizing himself. I think the good will of his parents meant (and means) a lot to him there. I would also keep in mind the option of medication if he gets worse or continues to have periods like this. The first time I saw him after he took anxiety medication he was doing very well and I was very happy for him.

 

My aunt and uncle always follow a good diet and my aunt is very health conscious, and I know took him to all kinds of doctors.... it was not a first resort by any means.

 

edit: my cousin has learning problems also, and I think he has a hard time from that as much as from the Aspergers. He is probably more severe than some people with Aspergers, also.

Edited March 26, 2012 by Lecka

[shastanarnia]

AK Mom....you don't know how grateful i am to hear your story!! That's exactly what he's going through and I'm very encouraged that things will get better with time. I have been biding my time, helping him plod along through the little work that is assigned each week. I've also increased his chores somewhat, esp. to get him outside in the sun more often! He's actually happy to be doing them. I'm glad to hear things worked out for your son!

[LisaAnne]

I do not have any advise as my son is much younger as we are just starting our HSing journey. I find your post helpful as I am sure this is something we will face.

 

Hang in there though.. Could he need a different curriculum? Something different to peak his interest again?

[shastanarnia]

LisaAnne....thank you for your encouragement! We have changed curriculum several times, tried online classes (older DD excelled in these and is graduating with all A's from her online school), and now....I'm not sure what to do! He's very bright...he has a natural inclination to research information of interest and can tell you all details about what he reads. However, focusing on completing school work seems nearly impossible!

[EKS]

Kai...that's a good question. I'm pretty much hands off. I've tried to be more hands on...but it never worked with him. He was always resistant to my teaching, and enjoyed learning directly from books. However, with me being ADD as well, its hard for me to keep him on schedule. Right now, he's just doing his online class. We are slowly adding back some of his other classes, however I don't think he'll finish most of them this year. I'm not sure I want to pressure him just yet, it would depress him that he can't get it finished!!

 

It can be totally overwhelming to be really behind, especially in multiple classes. This can be paralyzing. Maybe you can take a look at the work he has left in the courses and figure out a plan that is doable to get it done by a certain date. I wouldn't expect a teen with ADD and depression to be able to figure this out himself.

[funnygirl]

Do you have to take the summer off, or could you use that time to get him back on track? There's an interesting thread going on the Logic board about schooling 6-7 days a week (but only a few hours a day). That might work too. I keep reminding myself that the beauty of homeschooling is that it doesn't have to look like anything except what works for us.

 

Hugs to you, and wine and chocolate too!!