Annoying Amazon book reviews. *glare*

[stripe]

Both the product and this review are hilarious. I promise it's not obscene.

 

http://www.amazon.com/review/R1ARK8JLUNNNRW/ref=cm_cr_pr_cmt?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B002RCWVK6

[Rockhopper]

My pet peeve w/ Amazon reviews is the "template review". (Yep, I made that up!)

 

It's especially prevalent, I hate to say, w/ Christian fiction. Which I'm not a big fan of, although Christian myself. And I think that "template reviews" of bad Christian fiction do absolutely nothing to advance the cause of Christ or share the Gospel message.

 

They just make me CRAZY!

 

So--- these "template reviews" I'm talking about: Here's how I envision it going. Nancy Novelist has written her Christian romance, primarily as an evangelism tool, so she's going to publish it for the Kindle for FREE.

 

But of course, it needs a lot of good reviews to get people to notice it. Maybe enough 5 star ratings so it'll get mentioned on some blogs. (Somewhere between 20 and 40 seems to be the magic number.)

 

So she gathers up her home group or Sunday School class or whatever and distributes a couple of sample reviews:

 

(Remember, I'm just imagining that this is how this goes. Actual details may vary!)

 

Sample 1: "I loved this book/This was a wonderful book. The characters were so (insert adjective -- believable, likeable, realistic). I love how (main character) learns to (turn to God in trouble, let go of her bitterness). I can't wait to read more by (author)!"

 

Sample 2: Begin w/ a quick plot summary. Example: Katy Character is working at a dead-end job in Nowhere, trying to escape her past, when Handsome Dan walks in. He's got a chip on his shoulder... Then close with "I can't wait for the next book/I didn't want to put it down/It's a wonderful book."

 

And 20 to 40 sweet ladies in her class, anxious to participate in her evangelism efforts, go home and follow her detailed instructions on how to write a review. Using the template. To the letter!

 

Now I know book reviews in general always cover the same ground, but these stand out because they'll be soooooo uniform. All 20 to 40 of them, all following the same one or two templates, with only a few fill-in-the-blank details changed.

 

And I honestly doubt most of the folks writing the reviews even READ THE BOOK!

 

And even more disturbing to me are the ones that seem to be intentionally disingenuous -- the ones where, in all of the reviews, EVERYone careful avoids any mention that it's a Christian book. No mention of faith or God or church or Jesus -- just sometimes a very careful final line about "will Katy Character find hope?" or something like that. As if all non-Christians are dumb or naive enough that if we can just dupe them into reading something religious without their knowledge, without their seeking out God out of their own recognition of their need for redemption, well then - shabam! of course they'll become Christians.

 

OK, so my pet peeve turned into a bit of a rant instead, LOL! But boy, they drive me bonkers.

 

(oops, just noticed this was an old thread....)

Edited June 1, 2012 by Rockhopper

[stripe]

I know it's an old thread. I wanted to revive it. Please click my link. Please!

[Rockhopper]

I know it's an old thread. I wanted to revive it. Please click my link. Please!

 

 

I did! Promise!

 

And then I typed a response. And then I deleted it, fearing people wouldn't get my humor.

 

But I'll go ahead this time!

 

Mmmm-mmm-good! Best-tasting baby I've ever eaten!

 

LOL

[nmoira]

 

What really annoys me is that they have combined the reviews for all editions of the books. Some editions are completely different than others. Ugh!!

Especially when it's a work with multiple translations. :glare:

[nmoira]

I know it's an old thread. I wanted to revive it. Please click my link. Please!

Ooops...

 

But I did. :001_smile:

[stripe]

I did! Promise!

 

And then I typed a response. And then I deleted it, fearing people wouldn't get my humor.

 

But I'll go ahead this time!

 

Mmmm-mmm-good! Best-tasting baby I've ever eaten!

 

LOL

ha -- I don't understand the concept of a baby-shaped edible and why a company felt the need to make one, but... oh well!

[Sparkle]

Both the product and this review are hilarious. I promise it's not obscene.

 

http://www.amazon.com/review/R1ARK8JLUNNNRW/ref=cm_cr_pr_cmt?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B002RCWVK6

 

Oh, that is just creepy. Who would ever want that? :ack2:

[GoVanGogh]

Oh, that is just creepy. Who would ever want that? :ack2:

:lol:

I know.

I was reminded of Steel Magnolias where the father of the bride gets a big ole piece of armadillo b*tt cake.

But baby b*tt?! :blink:

[stripe]

I think this is the funniest review I've ever read! I've never heard anyone in the current century use the word "jezebel" AND the stuff about wanting to become a writer is priceless.

Emily of New Moon DVD set

 

Not good for children to watch. Please use good judgment.

 

I gave this a 2 star. When I first began watching this show, I thought it would be a cute show for children and encouraged my daughter to have my two small granddaughters to view it. Well, after a few episodes I began to think everything was a sham. Emily was a daydreamer, with an excessive imaginations. She was always seeing imaginary things as real. Emily involved herself into adult issues on a continual basis. Most children her age would be out playing with peers. True, she had Ilse as a friend along with Perry, but all those children seem to involve themselves in adult issues. Then when they delivered a baby from one of the Murray cousins who gave birth out of wedlock that very much appalled me. Having all those kids about delivering a baby. I just could not believe they would allow something like that on television for children to see and the woman giving birth was a jezebel. Well, it just was a horrible episode for any child to watch. Emily was too young to even think of being a writer. Yes, children dream about future goals, but during the show they over emphasized how Emily would become a writer when the girl was just learning how to spell and use proper grammar in elementary school which should have been focused upon firstly and then in late episodes them discussing her becoming a writer. I began to think the only people in the family with common sense were Uncle Malcolm and Aunt Elizabeth who at times could be exacerbating old witch. Nevertheless, Elizabeth stated in some episodes that Emily needs to not involve herself with adult affairs, which I agreed with. After all this show was to be setting examples for children. Then there is good old Perry that did not even know how to spell his name but kept on the issue of becoming Prime Minister someday when his family was nothing but thieves, liars, and his mother killing his father. These kids focused too much on their futures and not on the present such as their education and their childhood, which would be interacting with their peers and not adult issues. Ilse was a major snoop into everyone's business and didn't even take the time to wash her face. She looked like a filthy person and she was supposed to present herself as the town physician's daughter. Now how does that look to children watching the show? Ilse was a complete snob and I am sure they wanted her to behave this way in her character, but they over did it. Then to have Ilse raise that baby on her own was a circus. As I said, they put these children more in adult roles more than children's roles. After seeing this show I do not recommend it to anyone and especially children. I can now see why they show did not last long. What I thought was the most absurd was Emily seeing things that were not real/imaginary. This was a bad example for children to see in the show. My granddaughter went to bed with nightmares from these things that were not real. After my granddaughters nightmare we did not allow her to watch it again and she didn't want to watch it. She called it, `The scary show'. It was a shame as this show was written more for children, but wasn't really meant for children to see. I have not read or viewed any of Ms. Montgomery's books/shows, but heard the rest are good such as `Anne of Green Gables'. Why they put Emily out I will never know because it was just that, it was scary as my granddaughter said. Aunt Laura was nice but was excessively naïve, which bored me to tears. She could never stick up for herself in which I wish they would have allowed her to do and it would have made the show more interesting. I mentioned Uncle Malcolm and Aunt Elizabeth with having the common sense, but I must correct myself. The only one who had common sense in this show was Uncle Jimmy (Stephan McHattie). He played his role well and was smart. He had the most common sense of the entire clan. I am partial to Stephan McHattie. He has always been one of my favorite actors and he did a fine job in his role. Anyway, please use good judgment in letting your children watch this show. I don't recommend it to children.