Nakia Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 I was going to take her last year, but Patrick talked me into giving her another year to mature. Fair enough. Well, I didn't even talk to him about making the appointment this time; I just told him after it was done. He's not the one who is with her every day. I have to know what's going on. So she goes on Feb 20th. I printed off the Vanderbilt form, and after looking it over with the scoring tool, I think it's a slam dunk. I feel like a failure. I know that's dumb and makes no sense. But we never want something to be "wrong" with our kids, ya know? And I have no idea how to help Cora. :crying: I feel at a loss. She is such a sweet and fun kid...until you've been with her for an entire day. She is exhausting and SO IMPULSIVE!!! I have struggled with parenting her for 4 years (she was our first "terrible two year old"), and I am so sad because I think I should enjoy her more. I want to enjoy her more. I fuss at her more than I should because she is always into something every single minute. I hope this doesn't make me sound like a horrible mother. I adore her, and she really is a precious girl. But I just feel like she runs the household, and almost every night, I am in tears because I don't know what to do with her. Between her and my hormonal preteen, I'm just plain worn out. My middle daughter has an anxiety disorder, but she is doing so much better. Thank God. Thanks for listening. I'd appreciate your prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 :grouphug: It can never be wrong to search for the help you think your child may need! Don't feel bad. You are being her advocate. I can't remember, you may have mentioned this in other posts, but have you eliminated all processed things from her diet? Your DD sounds a lot like my DD6 was before she was off food dyes. In fact, my mom had her yesterday, the day after she'd had some colored candy and a maraschino cherry, and she said she couldn't believe the difference--it was like she'd had ants in her pants all day long. You may have already tried all this, so ignore me if you need to. I just know what a difference I've seen in my own DD over the past year, so thought I'd throw it out there. Either way, :grouphug: to you all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted February 8, 2012 Author Share Posted February 8, 2012 :grouphug: It can never be wrong to search for the help you think your child may need! Don't feel bad. You are being her advocate. I can't remember, you may have mentioned this in other posts, but have you eliminated all processed things from her diet? Your DD sounds a lot like my DD6 was before she was off food dyes. In fact, my mom had her yesterday, the day after she'd had some colored candy and a maraschino cherry, and she said she couldn't believe the difference--it was like she'd had ants in her pants all day long. You may have already tried all this, so ignore me if you need to. I just know what a difference I've seen in my own DD over the past year, so thought I'd throw it out there. Either way, :grouphug: to you all. We have been careful about red dyes since Anna was little and we found that it wrecked her attitude. I haven't cut all food dyes though. Hmmm, I'll have to look into it. We do not eat a lot of processed foods. I've been trying to cook mostly from scratch for about a year and a half now. It doesn't always happen, of course. I haven't noticed that she is better or worse with the changes. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura in MI Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 We have been careful about red dyes since Anna was little and we found that it wrecked her attitude. I haven't cut all food dyes though. Hmmm, I'll have to look into it. We do not eat a lot of processed foods. I've been trying to cook mostly from scratch for about a year and a half now. It doesn't always happen, of course. I haven't noticed that she is better or worse with the changes. :( Red is the most common one, I think, but yellow is the killer here. Hoo baby, you don't want to be around the day after she's had yellow dye. She had Kraft mac and cheese a few weeks ago and it took four days to get out of her system. It's worth paying closer attention to, IMO, but if you rarely have processed things, then that might not be the culprit. That's OK though. She'll be alright, and you're a great mom for being so on top of this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zoo Keeper Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 (edited) :grouphug: to you. I completely understand where you are; two of my boys have issues that make a "normal" day of school next to impossible. Impulsive, highly distractible, and very hard to focus. You did not fail. There is nothing "wrong" with Cora. She has her own weaknesses AND strengths, just like everyone else on the planet. And she has a great mom who will do all she can to help her. :) Edited February 9, 2012 by Zoo Keeper Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenL Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 Oh, Nakia, please do not beat yourself up over this. I know fully what you are feeling, so I know how hard my opening sentence is to follow. We have spent years struggling with our oldest, me especially, because I am with him all day and dh is not. I have felt like a failure, tried everything to make his day easier, organized him to death, etc, but about 6-9 months ago, I finally allowed myself to contact the pediatrician and share all that was occurring with him. She had me print out and complete the Vanderbuilt. He was 9/9 for Inattentive! I had always suspected ADHD, but like you, I guess I wanted to believe he wouldn't have this issue hanging over him (and us) and he would just mature. It's been an interesting time since his diagnosis. I have researched as much as possible regarding ADHD, and I have learned an incredible amount that describes him to a tee. We have removed all processed foods, dyes, and we now eat nearly all organic. We've also tried holistic alternatives to help him, but 3 weeks ago, we began Strattera because although things were improving with the dietary changes, he was still such a mess. I'm seeing changes happening with the Strattera (it takes 3-6 weeks to get into their system), and I feel like I'm getting my happy boy back. Prior to this he was so impulsive, angry, frustrated, unfocused, and struggled to stay out of his own way. It's making a huge difference. Now, that is not to say put Cora on meds, but rather to give you a brief glimpse of our journey, and to tell you that you are not alone, you are not a failure, and that things will get better now that you can understand your daughter. So much of her behavior is truly out of her control. Once I accepted my son's diagnosis (which did not happen overnight), I found peace in him & our new reality. Our pediatrician was actually encouraging with this diagnosis because some of the most amazing leaders in history have ADHD, and she said it's really a gift if we channel it correctly (she believes we are through homeschooling). She named off JFK, Einstein, Edison, Bill Gates, and someone else. That's pretty good company, I'd say. ;) So, hug yourself and your daughter and hang in there. It will be okay. I'm here if you'd ever like to pm me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wallingjan Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 I'm delurking to send you hugs and good thoughts. My 10 yo daughter decided herself to pursue an ADD workup this year. She was so unhappy with herself. We had always been somewhat opposed to medicating for a variety of reasons. We finally decided that it wasn't fair to withhold what could be an appropriate treatment for her because we disagree with other people's parenting choices. Anyway, she started a trial of Vivance and the results have been miraculous. She is still our spunky girl, but she is so much happier with herself now. I still feel bad when she is driving me crazy so I know how you feel. Go easy on yourself, we're all making up this parenting thing as we go along. Good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 :grouphug: I hope you get some answers. Don't beat yourself up. You've been doing the best you could. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 We have been careful about red dyes since Anna was little and we found that it wrecked her attitude. I haven't cut all food dyes though. Hmmm, I'll have to look into it. We do not eat a lot of processed foods. I've been trying to cook mostly from scratch for about a year and a half now. It doesn't always happen, of course. I haven't noticed that she is better or worse with the changes. :( :grouphug::grouphug: Praying for you! Nakia, I used to be a music therapist and I worked some very, very extreme ADHD children. These children were literally almost unable to function. One of the things that seemed to help all of them to some noticeable degree was an Omega oil supplement. It's literally brain food and has some ability to equalize brain chemistry. The two brands that seemed to work the best were Learning Factors and Rainbow Vitamin company. You can get it in small capsules that can be swallowed whole or chewed, though they have a strong fish flavor...I think Learning Factors was either Salmon oil Cod Liver oil plus borage oil and several others. I'm not sure about the formulation of Rainbow, but I was told that their supplement came in a liquid and a capsule form and was flavored pretty well so it was easier to get children to take. On the old boards, we talked about this supplement a bit and I know there were moms that attested that it made a difference in their ADHD children after about 30 days of being on the supplement. Some moms were able to do only that, others did it in addition to medication or therapies prescribed by their pediatricians. I just thought I'd throw that idea out there for whatever it might be worth. Blessings and Prayers, Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted February 9, 2012 Author Share Posted February 9, 2012 Thank you for all your support and prayers. It means a lot! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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