Question about screen time

[enviromommy]

I'm having trouble picking and sticking to a rule about screen time. I have trouble with how much and when to allow it, but my bigger question is about what counts as screen time.

 

During the school day, for example, it is really helpful to let my four year-old play Stack the States or math games on the iPad so he's quiet and out of the way. But if I've said no screen time until 4pm, that seems to go against my rule. And then when my almost 7 year-old finishes his schoolwork, he wants to know why he can't play on the iPad since the 4 year-old did. And then before I know it computer games start creeping into our day. I hate the way the screen mesmerizes them all, and I really feel that even the educational games make them glaze over. (Although I do see benefits. Stack the States and Stack the Countries really have gotten my 7 and 4 year-olds interested in geography, and they spend a lot of time with maps now even off the computer.)

 

As for when to allow it, I really wanted them off the screens altogether during the week, but I started allowing it back in after school to motivate them to finish. But should it be at a certain time, or when everyone is finished with school? And in the evening when my youngers have to sit around at gymnastics or karate waiting for the olders, is it fair to say they can't play on the iPad or iPhone when they are bored and too tired for reading or school work? But when they've already had screen time, I hate to give them more.

 

Any advice or thoughts on this would be much appreciated. I just can't figure out what to do.

[Katiebug_1976]

I am pretty much in the same boat with you. I have a love/hate relationship w/electronics!:D I would love to hear how others have tamed the "screen beast" in their homes. :bigear:

[LaxMom]

Our kids rarely watch tv and don't play video/computer games at all, mostly. I say mostly because my 10yo plays logic games / quizzes that go with her text book, and they have done word finds on my phone 3 or 4 times in the past 6 months. Nothing regular, though.

 

The tv goes on after they go to bed, often when we grownups go up to bed. There are occasions that they watch something - part of the Macy's parade, and the Ice Age and Charlie Brown specials on Thanksgiving. We might watch a movie on a Friday night while we eat pizza... There may be a board game instead.

 

I find, when there's any regular schedule of viewing, behavior tanks, boredom happens all.the.time, and they squabble more amongst themselves, so there is no regular viewing at our house.

 

It's really finding what works for you instead of trying to come up with an arbitrary rule and trying to figure out what counts and what doesn't, kwim?

[Pamela H in Texas]

How about that they can do only certain things you deem appropriate AND only for a certain amount of time before X o'clock. Then you can have a screen time limit of your choice after that time also. So it may be, "you can do X and Y educational games for up to 20 minutes before 4pm. After 4pm, you may have up to an hour per day of screen time."

[Desert Rat]

I agree. You can make a differentiation between educational screen time and fun screen time. Say, XYZ is an educational game and so you can play during the day. The kids are old enough to know/learn the difference. Make sure you lay out which games you consider eduational first and stick to it.

For us, screen time isn't a hill to die on. I've become a lot more relaxed as they've gotten older. Of course, I personally think it was because dh was laid off for 16 months during which time I lost complete and utter control over raising the kids. LOL Most days I'm just glad that I approve of what they are watching. Again, it wasn't worth the arguement with dh when we were already so stressed. Now, I look back and realize that relaxing with that rule made it a non issue and the kids don't want to watch as much tv anyway. Strange how things workout sometimes.

[enviromommy]

Thank you for the input! Even though it seems so simple, the idea of having X amount of time during the day for educational screen time and Y amount of time after school for entertainment screen time didn't really click for me until I saw it spelled out in your responses. I am going to make a list of "X" activities and "Y" activities. I really appreciate the help!

 

I would still love to hear what other people's rules are about screen time.

[Mergath]

We limit screen time quite a bit around here. My dd gets an hour of screen time a day, period. And that includes playing starfall. We have a family movie night Friday evenings, and I'll occasionally watch the news for fifteen minutes while I'm making dinner. The rest of the time, the tv is off until dd is in bed and asleep.

 

It would be easier to get stuff done if I let her have more, but I've also seen the difference in her focus when she watches any more, and it's just not worth it.

[catz]

I definitely differentiate between educational screen time and recreational screen time. And limit both. My kids got very little as preschoolers, but it's inching up. The iPad has been awesome for my 7 year old. She learned a ton of geography just from stack the states and countries and spouts off stuff she learns on BrainPop non stop. If you let your 4 year old do X amount of time of on educational games on the iPad before 4 pm, I'd let your older do that too, but just make the choices very limited. My older child has educational online options my younger doesn't have yet (like watching Khan academy videos, scratch programming, Python programming and tutorials, etc). Just make their choices age appropriate and high quality.

 

I think it's also to good to gauge your own child's response to screen time. When my older child was small, it was obvious when he'd had too much and I really had to keep a tight reign on how much he'd get of any kind of screen time. He would sit in front of some technology all day if you let him (now too - this kid already says he wants to design and program software as a career). My younger doesn't get as affected and walks away from it on her own in reasonable amounts of time.

[Mommyof4ks]

It took years for me to come up with a plan that works for us. The final plan for us basically allows the kids to rotate through electronics while I work one on one with the other kids. For ex. my dd will be working with me on math, my middle son will be practicing typing on the laptop, and my little guy will play a math game, geography game, or whatever on the iPad. We do that through things they do separately, and there is no screen time during history, science, art, music, and other things we do together. They can watch one educational show during the day as a break (Mythbusters, how it's made, something on discovery), because I need to clean up from lunch and the morning, and they learn a lot that I cannot teach them and stuff that is not clear in books. They play just fine without screen time or complaining after school, so at this point it works for us.

 

Keep trying until you find what works for you and your family. I know a lot of people think screen time is bad, but it has been a huge positive in our house in terms of what the kids can do to teach themselves things and find ways to learn on their own. If it were just mindless games all day or the kids could not

play without them, then I would view them differently.

[enviromommy]

Thinking about the educational uses, I'm wondering about whether things like a science documentary or Khan Academy (for the older kids) would count as screen time?

[ChandlerMom]

For us the basic rule is that they get screen time WHEN IT SUITS ME. :lol:

 

That really starts with how I think about it -- easy to think in terms of "but they like it" or "PBS is educational". Truth is, unless it is strict 'schoolwork' they would be better off doing something else. The reason they get to watch tv, play on iPad, etc is because it makes it easier for me to work with the other kids. I try to make that screen time as productive and educational as possible. The real "games" stuff I try to keep to after all lessons are done for the day, but it does creep in ("just checking on Bug Villiage").

 

I agree with PP about distinguishing:

1) lessons on electronics (videos on topic, PDFs or drills on iPad/computer)

2) educational entertainment (math games, puzzles, etc)

3) pure entertainment

 

Kids do understand that different uses can have different rules.

 

Final advice: although I'm joking (a little) about the rule being at my whim, part of that is recognizing that if you make a RULE you better be ready to enforce it consistently and stick with it (at least for a while) before you tweak it. For that reason, use is a case-by-case basis. How it usually works is I give the iPad to one kid with the directions, "You can do [item from group (2), or "check on" something from group 3] AFTER you do A, B, and C". [Where A, B, and C are from group 1.] Then I work one-on-one with another child, etc.

 

It's a constantly changing balance. :p

[Alicia64]

It would be easier to get stuff done if I let her have more, but I've also seen the difference in her focus when she watches any more, and it's just not worth it.

 

This is exactly how I feel. We finally just got rid of the TV two years ago -- we think it was the smartest thing ever.

 

We don't allow video games. No Wii or ds any of it.

 

The boys can watch Math U See and do some math games on the internet but not even every day.

 

The ipod is used for audio books -- no music except John Denver, some Stevie Wonder etc. Clean music.

 

I sound like a nut, I realize, but if you were to meet me, you'd never guess.

 

I've heard that when kids become tweens and teens it becomes really hard to separate them from their screens.

 

Alley

[enviromommy]

For us the basic rule is that they get screen time WHEN IT SUITS ME. :lol:

 

That really starts with how I think about it -- easy to think in terms of "but they like it" or "PBS is educational". Truth is, unless it is strict 'schoolwork' they would be better off doing something else. The reason they get to watch tv, play on iPad, etc is because it makes it easier for me to work with the other kids. I try to make that screen time as productive and educational as possible. The real "games" stuff I try to keep to after all lessons are done for the day, but it does creep in ("just checking on Bug Villiage").

 

I agree with PP about distinguishing:

1) lessons on electronics (videos on topic, PDFs or drills on iPad/computer)

2) educational entertainment (math games, puzzles, etc)

3) pure entertainment

 

Kids do understand that different uses can have different rules.

 

Final advice: although I'm joking (a little) about the rule being at my whim, part of that is recognizing that if you make a RULE you better be ready to enforce it consistently and stick with it (at least for a while) before you tweak it. For that reason, use is a case-by-case basis. How it usually works is I give the iPad to one kid with the directions, "You can do [item from group (2), or "check on" something from group 3] AFTER you do A, B, and C". [Where A, B, and C are from group 1.] Then I work one-on-one with another child, etc.

 

It's a constantly changing balance. :p

 

I wish I could do this, but I fear that I'm don't have the necessary strength of will and personality not to let it spiral out of control without a firm rule. I'm impressed that you can do it.

[SailorMom]

This doesn't really work for us anymore,,,, but for quite a long time my sons had to read a minute for every minute of screen time they wanted.

We had a maximum of 2 hours on weekends and 1 hour on weekdays.

It worked great for years.

[enviromommy]

This is exactly how I feel. We finally just got rid of the TV two years ago -- we think it was the smartest thing ever.

 

We don't allow video games. No Wii or ds any of it.

 

The boys can watch Math U See and do some math games on the internet but not even every day.

 

The ipod is used for audio books -- no music except John Denver, some Stevie Wonder etc. Clean music.

 

I sound like a nut, I realize, but if you were to meet me, you'd never guess.

 

I've heard that when kids become tweens and teens it becomes really hard to separate them from their screens.

 

Alley

 

This is what is so frustrating to me, because I completely agree with you. We have no television set, and we've never had DS, Wii, etc. Just isn't in the house. But we had to have regular computers, and at first, I had no idea they could get TV through the internet. At some point when they were still in school and their friends told them about Club Penguin, I started allowing that some, and then they figured out they could get cartoon episodes and games through cartoon network, and then the cat was out of the bag. Ever since then, it's been a constant battle and I HATE IT. If I declared that all episodic television and computer games were off-limits, there would be World War III in this house, and I'm trying to figure out whether that's the right thing to do. Aaargh. (And it doesn't help matters that when I tell them screen time is really bad for them, they ask me why I'm on WTM and FB. :tongue_smilie:)

 

So one final question, and then I promise I'll let this thread go. If one kid watches the episode that another kid picked, should that count as the first kid's screen time? Often, I come in and say "Ok, computer time is over" and one kid starts crying, "I didn't have my turn. He/she picked the show to watch and I never got to pick my own." What are your thoughts on this?