Introverts with a big family?

[Stayseeliz]

Are you just worn out after being with your kids all the time? I feel like I'm becoming a hermit. I have 4 children. 10 years on down to 7 months. I'm not extremely introverted but I've always been the 4-5 good friend, loves to take a bath and read a good book, needs her down time kind of introvert. I am just worn out by meeting my kids needs and I don't want to go anywhere or do much of anything else right now. I've always been pretty active in our local homeschooling group but it's just so much effort and so draining to go anywhere after schooling, cleaning, nursing, exercising, cleaning again, nursing again, etc. We went to a Thanksgiving dinner at my MIL's church tonight and I couldn't get out of there fast enough. DH couldn't either. He said he was getting grumpy in his old age. I really think it's just the "being on" that 4 kids involves. Thoughts?

[*Inna*]

I'm right here with you.

 

I have three kids, but our extended family is big and most of our friends have big families with rambunctious kids. After every outing or get-together I am drained.

[J-rap]

I'm kind of an introvert, but not with my own kids. It's just as relaxing to be with them as being by myself. I love my quiet/down time, but they do too, so it works out nicely.:) Of course they are older, and that makes a big difference. But, they've enjoyed their quiet time for as long as I can remember.

My son is very outgoing and gregarious and loves being around people -- for about 15 minutes. Then he says he needs to take a break. It's kind of like that for me... I'm not loud and gregarious, but I'm not shy either. However, I get my energy from just being home with my family, not from being out with a crowd.

[Amy in TX]

I understand. I'm an extreme introvert with four kids and a very large, very sociable extended family. A couple of things I do:

 

Go to my happy place (used bookstore near us) once a week if possible. I love a quiet hour in there. Dh is very understanding about this. Now, my kids are older than yours, and this was more difficult when they were all very young, but maybe you could take just the baby and go somewhere quiet that you enjoy just for an hour or so once a week.

 

Say no to some social outings. We spend a LOT of time with the relatives, and I love them very much, but sometimes it's just too much for me. Here again, dh is very understanding. Once in a while I tell him I want to stay home tonight, and he takes the kids and goes without me. (He is wonderful.)

 

Ask for what you need--it's your right! And everyone benefits when Mom is not stressed. :grouphug:

[MyLittleWonders]

I'm right there with you too, including the age of our kids. Thankfully, my dh understands I need time, space, and quiet to recharge and will offer me little moments here and there, even if it's just a long shower after dinner all by myself. :lol: Sometimes when the baby is sleeping in the afternoon, I'll let the kids watch TV and just sit on my bed in the stillness. I think I am slowly realizing that I'm not being selfish in taking some time for myself, but am helping to make myself a better mom by making sure I have time to recharge.

[wapiti]

*sigh* yes, I'm introverted, with six kids. Why else would I spend so much time on the computer - it's how I escape, mentally, while sitting right in the middle of the chaos.

 

My kids are each introverted, but they are LOUD at home, and they each seem to want quiet time when the others want to be loud - lots of opportunity for conflict.

[Stayseeliz]

I don't think I'm shy either. And I do enjoy other people. My favorite thing in the world is to be with my family. I just get almost NO "down time" right now. DH works long hours. Yesterday was the first time I've been away from the baby more than 4 hours. I think I'm just overwhelmed with life right now. My world is pretty small.

 

Oh and reading other responses I'm thinking about this more. Going to to MIL's house is fine. But going to something at her church was miserable because I had to be ON and honestly a little fake. Last week we went to the kid's soccer banquet which was miserable but then I spent days with my parents. Again I didn't have to be ON. A super "social" kind of on if that makes sense! :)

Edited November 21, 2011 by Stayseeliz

[MyLittleWonders]

I totally understand. I love being at my mom's house (though I kind of dread the holidays as as nice as my cousins/their families are, I can't just be "me" it feels). My mom's, and to some extent, my ILs' houses are not draining. But, being at a church function, or one of my kid's baseball games, or such leaves me exhausted. My children also like to talk to me all. the. time. I love it and want to encourage it to keep our relationships open, but there are times I need to tell them that I need a quiet time-out. ;)

[Amy in TX]

I just get almost NO "down time" right now. DH works long hours. Yesterday was the first time I've been away from the baby more than 4 hours. I think I'm just overwhelmed with life right now. My world is pretty small.

 

More :grouphug:

 

I found this era (when you have multiple dc and they're all young) to be the most physically taxing of my life. I thought it would never end, but it truly does get easier. I'm sorry!

[Annie Laurie]

Yes. I've actually been very bad about it this year- my baby is so high-needs and my time alone is few and far between, so I have not been a good friend this year and do not go out much. When I finally get some time to myself, I don't want to talk on the phone or go out with friends. But I'm sure this will get better as the baby gets older.

 

In the meantime, I am with my kids all day. My kids are talkers. When my dh is home, he's a big talker too. My teen loves to sit and chat with me in the evenings after the little kids go to bed, and I know that all too soon, he'll be gone all the time so I want to take the time to enjoy these talks. But it's really hard being with everyone all the time. Then I go to bed and the baby sleeps with me, so there's just hardly any real alone time.

[Sasharowan]

I enforce Mommy time where I sit at my computer with headphones and music on and they aren't supposed to talk to me except emergencies. This is usually in the evenings when only the older two are awake. I find that if the younger two are up later, I just stay up later to get that time and usually get grumpier and more tired as a result.

[leann_in_tx]

Yes.

 

I was talking with a homeschool mom once with several children (seven I think at that time) and I explained how I felt like I never got out at all and she said that when her children were my age, she felt the same way, but now that some of hers are older, help with the littles and want to have challenging discussions, she feels that less.

 

Another homeschooling Mom told me how her teenagers wanted to stay up late and talk with her about everything and I thought, that sounds wonderful! I'm an introvert but I love talking to a small number of people about interesting things. Why does that happen so rarely? Anyway, she enjoyed it, but it was a different kind of challenge from the physically demanding younger years.

 

You are definitely normal in my opinion.

[Stayseeliz]

Thanks guys! This makes me feel better. Part of the issue is that I'm not a "kid" person by nature. I love my kids but I'm not a "kid" person. All my kids are awesome but the 4yo is wearing me ouuuuuut. :) I think once they get older it will get easier. But I don't want to wish away this time either! I know it will be over all too soon!