I would love your feedback - 5th grade writing sample

[bnrmom]

I'm very concerned about ds's writing because he wants to go to public school for 6th grade next year, and I want to make sure he's up to speed. Here is a sample of what he wrote today. He was asked to write a one paragraph summary of the book Frindle. My mom helped him with it because I was at jury duty, but I'm not sure how much assistance she gave. (Spelling is a particular challenge for him, and we are addressing it, but I am going to spell it just like he did. If you have any particular comments about that I am all ears.)

 

"This book is about a kid named Nick Alen in fith grade who invented a new word, "Frindle" wich means pen. When the new word gets out, there's nothing Nick can do about it. The whole school uses it, and than a batte begins, "Frindle" vs. Nick's teacher, Mrs. Granger. Mrs. Granger fought, but lost. Soon the whole county used it, then the whole state was using it, then the USA. Nick was on the news here and there, and the big blow hapened; if you guessed the whole world you are right. Soon pens, I mean Frindles, had something like this on it [here he draws a pen with the word Frindle on it]. There were Frindle t-shirts, hats, jackets, and a lot of other things. Nick's dad decided that Nick should have 30% of the money. The first check that Nick got was for $2,758. Nick grew up to be a rich man, and lived a very happy life."

 

So, my impression is this: I think his general summary is decent, but he could lose a few of the extraneous details, but also explain a bit more about what the battle with Mrs. Granger was about. There are also a few awkward sentences. We are using WWE3, so I'm hoping that his summary skills will improve as we move through the year. I think he did pretty well with the grammar.

 

I'm wondering if you could let me know if you think this is at all in the realm of normal for a 5th grade boy, or if I should be really worried! Thank you!

[bnrmom]

Anyone?

[Wildiris]

I've been meaning to post on this, but my time is not my own these days.

 

"This book is about a kid named Nick Alen in fith grade who invented a new word, "Frindle" wich means pen. When the new word gets out, there's nothing Nick can do about it. The whole school uses it, and than a batte begins, "Frindle" vs. Nick's teacher, Mrs. Granger. Mrs. Granger fought, but lost. Soon the whole county used it, then the whole state was using it, then the USA. Nick was on the news here and there, and the big blow hapened; if you guessed the whole world you are right. Soon pens, I mean Frindles, had something like this on it [here he draws a pen with the word Frindle on it]. There were Frindle t-shirts, hats, jackets, and a lot of other things. Nick's dad decided that Nick should have 30% of the money. The first check that Nick got was for $2,758. Nick grew up to be a rich man, and lived a very happy life."

 

The above is a reasonable rough draft of a summary. If your son wants to enter public school coming from a homeschool environment, he maybe be judged more harshly than another student transferring in from a different public school. I do not think this summary would received good marks in a public school setting. Note: I am not a public school teacher, so it is a guess on my part about writing expectations in public schools.

 

I am reluctant to provide a line by line edit. I feel it is a job for you to do with your son. If it were my child I would review each line, asking some simple questions, moving through a revision, editing, and proofreading of each sentence. I like to focus on content. I always read aloud with my kids what they have written, prompting them with questions such as, "Does this sentence say what you want? Can you say it better?" Reading aloud helps kids correct many mistakes. Once the content is clear, I then help them write grammatically correct sentences. Finally, I help them proofread for spelling and mechanics. It is a bit of a process, but the end results are worth the effort. The more I go through this process with each of my kids the fewer corrections I make, so at the high school level my job is that of a helpful reader and not a teacher.

 

The more your son writes the easier writing will become. I've posted some writing prompts on my blog , but you might want to get a copy of Unjournaling. Here is my review of Unjournaling. I like these prompts a lot. Kids like them too.

 

 

[Carrie Sue]

It is very similar to what the 4th/5th graders that I work with in co-op would do, and he actually did a better job summarizing without over-writing, which some of my students have trouble with. In my experience, public schools are not putting much of an emphasis on writing--most of their tests are multiple choice/true/false, fill in the blank, etc...and most of our schools' kids who come in from public school cannot write well.

 

I would edit it for him for spelling/grammar, then make a few of the suggestions you added and have him rewrite. He'll get better as he practices!

[Quad Shot Academy]

I am not a writing expert, but how can you expect him to write at grade level if you are using WWE 3? Isn't that third grade? I would start using WWS 5 or another grade level program.

 

His punctuation seems wonderful to me! I like that he can use semicolons properly. What grammar/punctuation program have you been using?

 

I liked the humor in it too. I think if he reads it out loud, figures out the awkward parts and fixes them, it will be good. I don't know what he means by battle or big blow, but those seem like they might be the most exciting and important parts. (I have never read the book.)

[bnrmom]

Thank you for your feedback. I am mainly trying to figure out if his general level of writing is acceptable for his grade level. This is his rough draft, and we will be editing it, but I wanted to look at it from the perspective of what he produced, not what he polished with my help.

 

We are using WWE3 mainly because the dictations in WWE4 were way too hard for him. I have looked at WWS but wow, it seems really advanced. I ran it by another friend of mine and we both feel like it is more middle school level. However, I may go ahead and start that with him in January and see how it goes.

 

We are using FLL4, but other than that he has had no direct grammar instruction. He has a naturally good grasp of grammar, which I find interesting given how elusive spelling is for him.

[UmMusa]

This is interesting to me because I have a 5th grader using WWE3 and FLL4. I would think my son could write something similar but a little less casual. I have been thinking about getting him some type of supplement to help him transition to writing full page summaries.

[Quad Shot Academy]

I think the writing is fine for 5th, but I think it is certainly a 2nd or 3rd grade assignment for public school. They would not have done as well as him though. If you gave him a 5th grade assignment, he may be able to do it just as well, but it hard to say w/o trying. I know my public school friends with 4th and 5th graders are writing at least one full page, not paragraphs. I don't think WWS is even close to middle school for public school. I actually think it is 4th grade, at the highest.

 

I don't seek to emulate PS's scope and sequence, but I mention it since your main point was for him to be able to go into PS next year at grade level.

[bnrmom]

Hmm, it's a fifth grade book report format that we are using. This was just the first part. There are two additional questions about the characters that he hasn't answered yet. He was in public school in 4th grade and their book reports consisted of a cover page, and then 3 short paragraphs (beginning middle end) about the book. I'm not sure their school is doing anything much more involved for 5th grade.

 

As far as WWS goes, I don't think the quantity of writing is middle school level, but I think the quality and depth is at least middle school level. The school my son attended last year was one of those top ranked, blue ribbon, blah blah blah schools, and they received little to no direct writing instruction. There was no outlining instruction or practice, they didn't learn about bibligoraphies, no poetry analysis, and no grammar. The writing expected of them was most definitely quantity rather than quality, although they were expected to write neatly and have proper spelling.

 

It's all so hard to figure out. I think what I'm going to do right now is not think about this any further until January. I'm going to move forward with what we are doing - WWE3, FLL4, Bravewriter, and the writing he does in science, for book reports and his state report. Even if I knew what I wanted to change, the odds of me implementing a dramatic shift between now and Jan are slim to none anyhow.

 

Thanks for the feedback, and I of course would love to hear any additional comments anyone might have.

[Penelope]

I can't make a judgment on what grade level your son's writing is, but there are states that give end-of-year writing tests to children, with samples posted online.

 

Here is an article about writing in 5th, with a link at the bottom to some of these assessments. http://www.greatschools.org/students/academic-skills/337-fifth-grade-writing.gs

[Janice in NJ]

Wrong place to post these comments. SORRY! I was responding to a full-up on this post, not the original questions.

 

SORRY!

Edited October 24, 2011 by Janice in NJ

[JadeOrchidSong]

I am reluctant to provide a line by line edit. I feel it is a job for you to do with your son. If it were my child I would review each line, asking some simple questions, moving through a revision, editing, and proofreading of each sentence. I like to focus on content. I always read aloud with my kids what they have written, prompting them with questions such as, "Does this sentence say what you want? Can you say it better?" Reading aloud helps kids correct many mistakes. Once the content is clear, I then help them write grammatically correct sentences. Finally, I help them proofread for spelling and mechanics. It is a bit of a process, but the end results are worth the effort. The more I go through this process with each of my kids the fewer corrections I make, so at the high school level my job is that of a helpful reader and not a teacher.

 

The more your son writes the easier writing will become. I've posted some writing prompts on my blog , but you might want to get a copy of Unjournaling. Here is my review of Unjournaling. I like these prompts a lot. Kids like them too.

 

 

Wildiris,

I am curious what writing and grammar programs you use for your dc. I really like the way you help them edit their first drafts. Thanks!