FaithManor Posted September 3, 2011 Share Posted September 3, 2011 (edited) So, I'm sitting here minding my own business, not hurting anyone, checking the weather report (severe thunderstorm watch and given the thunder we now hear, I'm inclined to believe the meteorologist), drinking coffee, being a law abiding citizen...the kind of citizen that should not be TORTURED in her own home, when to my horror a LONG TAIL catches my eye in my periphery. IT WAS DS HOLDING HIS CHINESE WATER DRAGON SNAKE THINGY NOT TWO FEET FROM MY HEAD! Apparently, though this child is academically brilliant, he is otherwise mentally impaired in the common sense department. I jumped, levitated, screamed - very entertaining to dh who has NO IDEA how long it's going to be before he gets teA again - and nearly knocked that blasted, evil, wicked, sadistic creature right out of ds's hand! To top it off, he had the gecko (which I barely tolerate) along with him - two lizards out at once is just too much for me - and the water dragon apparently thought the gecko looked like filet mignon. Dh had to break up that little party. I will say that the gecko was kind of cute the way it puffed itself up trying to look all "make my day" to the water dragon. Sad to say, in a fist fight, the gecko is going to lose...much like pitting Rick Moranis against Jean Claude Van Damme! My heart rate, elevated to 300 or 400 beats per minute, has returned to something near 100 - definitely on alert - but no longer pounding in my ears. If I end up on blood pressure meds, anti-psychotic drugs, forced therapy, and sedatives in the coming weeks, you will all know why. Oh, and his excuse for entering my sanctuary, my haven, my computer desk which is IN MY BEDROOM, was to ask, "Mom can A and I re-decorate our room with a Jurassic Park theme? I thought we could put reptile bark on the floor (they have cherry hardwood floors), paint the walls green, fill it with plants, get a parrot, some parakeets, and some finches, raise frogs and turtles, and have a big aquarium too? Very rainforest like." I didn't answer. I heard dh say, "Son, the look on mom's face suggests that you take your lizards and leave poste haste. Think of yourself as a bunny rabbit facing a velociraptor. She might rip your face off!" Of course, whatever pre-historic look I donned, was then turned onto DH who is now hiding from me. Ds, 14, has announced that he is VERY angry with his brother because, "Look what you did! She's going to be grumpy all day!" I'm beginning to hear John Williams music playing in my head. Unforunately, it's not the theme music to Harry Potter. Owls, cats, hippogriffs, thestrals, I can handle....I am apparently in the wrong movie! RobinLK staked her claim on me as well as IMP and a few others. So, I'd suggest you guys duke it out. I may run soon! Faith Edited September 3, 2011 by FaithManor spelling Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted September 3, 2011 Share Posted September 3, 2011 I think you should write these as columns and publish them. I'm sitting here and my abs hurt from laughing so hard. Not so much because of the situation, but your way of describing it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veritaserum Posted September 3, 2011 Share Posted September 3, 2011 :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted September 3, 2011 Share Posted September 3, 2011 You are channeling Erma Bombeck with these posts! Sorry you are miserable, but it makes for some great reading! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrissySC Posted September 3, 2011 Share Posted September 3, 2011 You are channeling Erma Bombeck with these posts! Sorry you are miserable, but it makes for some great reading! :D :iagree: You are one of the few that I open when people start the "this is what happened" stuff. Ok, maybe even the only one some days.:lol: I absolutely love your writing style! You need to blog for me. I am a blog addict. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted September 3, 2011 Share Posted September 3, 2011 Canada is waiting for you! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swimmermom3 Posted September 3, 2011 Share Posted September 3, 2011 You are channeling Erma Bombeck with these posts! Sorry you are miserable, but it makes for some great reading! :D This must be how Dickens's original readers felt when they had to wait for the next installment to come out in the newspaper. I hope the rest of your day is uneventful.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Photo Ninja Posted September 3, 2011 Share Posted September 3, 2011 While I don't want you to be traumatize in your own home, I admit I enjoy your stories about your experiences. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 (edited) So, I'm sitting here minding my own business, not hurting anyone, checking the weather report (severe thunderstorm watch and given the thunder we now hear, I'm inclined to believe the meteorologist), drinking coffee, being a law abiding citizen...the kind of citizen that should not be TORTURED in her own home, when to my horror a LONG TAIL catches my eye in my periphery. IT WAS DS HOLDING HIS CHINESE WATER DRAGON SNAKE THINGY NOT TWO FEET FROM MY HEAD! Apparently, though this child is academically brilliant, he is otherwise mentally impaired in the common sense department. I jumped, levitated, screamed - very entertaining to dh who has NO IDEA how long it's going to be before he gets teA again - and nearly knocked that blasted, evil, wicked, sadistic creature right out of ds's hand! To top it off, he had the gecko (which I barely tolerate) along with him - two lizards out at once is just too much for me - and the water dragon apparently thought the gecko looked like filet mignon. Dh had to break up that little party. I will say that the gecko was kind of cute the way it puffed itself up trying to look all "make my day" to the water dragon. Sad to say, in a fist fight, the gecko is going to lose...much like pitting Rick Moranis against Jean Claude Van Damme! My heart rate, elevated to 300 or 400 beats per minute, has returned to something near 100 - definitely on alert - but no longer pounding in my ears. If I end up on blood pressure meds, anti-psychotic drugs, forced therapy, and sedatives in the coming weeks, you will all know why. Oh, and his excuse for entering my sanctuary, my haven, my computer desk which is IN MY BEDROOM, was to ask, "Mom can A and I re-decorate our room with a Jurassic Park theme? I thought we could put reptile bark on the floor (they have cherry hardwood floors), paint the walls green, fill it with plants, get a parrot, some parakeets, and some finches, raise frogs and turtles, and have a big aquarium too? Very rainforest like." I didn't answer. I heard dh say, "Son, the look on mom's face suggests that you take your lizards and leave poste haste. Think of yourself as a bunny rabbit facing a velociraptor. She might rip your face off!" Of course, whatever pre-historic look I donned, was then turned onto DH who is now hiding from me. Ds, 14, has announced that he is VERY angry with his brother because, "Look what you did! She's going to be grumpy all day!" I'm beginning to hear John Williams music playing in my head. Unforunately, it's not the theme music to Harry Potter. Owls, cats, hippogriffs, thestrals, I can handle....I am apparently in the wrong movie! RobinLK staked her claim on me as well as IMP and a few others. So, I'd suggest you guys duke it out. I may run soon! Faith :lol: That is the funniest thing I have read all day. :lol: I actually snorted I was laughing so hard. ETA: I just read my ds13 the two posts regarding this because he asks me at least 6 times a day to let him buy a reptile. He thinks the idea your ds had to turn the bedroom into a rain forest is brilliant and now thinks we should do the same to his room. I have decided to use the bunny rabbit/velociraptor comment to warn him when to run. When he told me he wanted his to be like that, I just looked at him and said "you are the bunny rabbit" he ran back to the livingroom. ;) Though I can hear him telling dd how awesome he thinks your ds is for having the lizards and coming up with that idea. Edited September 4, 2011 by swellmomma Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newlifemom Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 Seriously, will you come visit me so when you make your millions off of your writings I can say I knew you? :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.