Laura Corin Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 My mother is staying with us now, and loves the area where we live. She doesn't like where she lives now (eight hours away by train). I don't think it would be a good idea for her to live with us long term - we are both very independent people. I was wondering about her selling her house and our building a granny-flat for her, or her buying a small place nearby. We get on well and she's not an interfering person. Any experiences? Pitfalls? She's 86 and in good health - she can walk but not drive, and only needs help with cleaning her house. Thanks Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 No experience as an adult, but we had various elderly or ill relatives live with us when I was coming up. From the viewpoint of timing, it sure sounds like a good time. She likes where you live, is willing & able to live on her own w/minimum help and you get along. It is much easier to do this now - it is very difficult to move an invalid any significant distance for multiple reasons (mostly having to do with insurance here in the US). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RahRah Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 (edited) DH's parents lived on the east coast when we moved to MO....they moved about a mile from us 2 years ago. Makes it easier on DH now that his dad is starting to fail...if he were still in NJ, it would be much more difficult to either move them now or for DH to get time off to help tend to his needs. ETA: His parents sold their house and bought a house here for about the same money they got selling their home in NJ. The only *pitfall* seems to be MIL thinking any time DH is off is her time, all the time. Edited August 16, 2011 by RahRah Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 If she's not going to live right in your house, I think it's a great idea. As TechWife noted, it's much easier to do while she's in good health. If she does get to the point of needing more help, it's very hard to do that from 8 hours away. The biggest pitfall would probably be having her new life revolve around you guys, with no other interests. Even before she makes the move, check out various activities she might be interested in. Do they have senior centers where you live? She might want to be within walking distance of one, if it's hard for you to drop off/pick up. How does she get around town currently? Will that still work if she moves near you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Socalmom Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 My ILs moved from Chicago to So. Cal. and now live about 2 miles from us in a small house. The physical move was difficult for them. They downsized from the house where they raised their family to a much smaller house. My FIL joked that the next time he moves, it will be in a box with 6 people carrying him. :) I enjoy both of them and they try very hard not to interfere. They are very social and joined a church, found a newcomer's group, and started volunteering at the local visitor's center. They created a life for themselves separate from us. It has been wonderful for our kids to be able to spend time with them. My DH helps with heavy lifting and computer questions. They do still drive around our town which helps. When that is no longer possible, it's going to be difficult. My DH and his siblings will have to help them figure out what to do next. (assisted living, hired help, or ????) They would not be happy being dependent on us for transportion. My friend's MIL moved to be close to her family and ended up moving back after 6 months. She was very lonely and missed her friends. Margie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted August 16, 2011 Author Share Posted August 16, 2011 If she's not going to live right in your house, I think it's a great idea. As TechWife noted, it's much easier to do while she's in good health. If she does get to the point of needing more help, it's very hard to do that from 8 hours away. The biggest pitfall would probably be having her new life revolve around you guys, with no other interests. Even before she makes the move, check out various activities she might be interested in. Do they have senior centers where you live? She might want to be within walking distance of one, if it's hard for you to drop off/pick up. How does she get around town currently? Will that still work if she moves near you? There's a 'bespoke bus' service here (cheap taxi) which she could use. She doesn't have any interests where she is: she shops for food, visits the farmers' market.... that's it. She lives in the city centre and yearns to live in the country, as she did when she was small. She's a solitary soul, so I think she'd probably live in as isolated a way here as she does in her current location - she has no friends and doesn't seem to want them. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Items to consider: Will she be able to meet all her health care needs where you are? Including potential needs in the future. Will she be able to develop ties to the community/interests outside of your family? Will you/she be able to afford to have her move and cost of living in the new area? Will the rest of her family accept her moving closer to you? This sort of move can often cause friction between siblings and other extended family members. We've been facing some of the same issues in our family in trying to make plans for the future. These are some of the issues that have come up in our discussions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted August 16, 2011 Author Share Posted August 16, 2011 Items to consider: Will she be able to meet all her health care needs where you are? Including potential needs in the future. She's covered by the NHS in both places. Provision is rather better where we are than in her current home. Will she be able to develop ties to the community/interests outside of your family? No - she's solitary. Will you/she be able to afford to have her move and cost of living in the new area? Need to look into this. Her house is in dreadful condition, so I have no idea what it would fetch. Will the rest of her family accept her moving closer to you? This sort of move can often cause friction between siblings and other extended family members. I don't anticipate problems. I think that my brothers would be happy if I took responsibility. We've been facing some of the same issues in our family in trying to make plans for the future. These are some of the issues that have come up in our discussions. Thanks - those are good things to think about. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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