Ellie Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 UPDATE: Still trying to decide what to do here. Dh wasn't sure that the kids weren't invited so I asked my sil who has the daughter old enough to come to the wedding (according to the bride). My sil received an invitation with only her and her husband's name listed. Now I am even more confused.:001_huh: Why would you be even more confused? That your sil also received an invitation that had only the adults' names on it would seem to be confirmation that the bridal couple prefer to have only adults at the wedding (which I, like Impish, don't think is a bad thing). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Embassy Posted July 21, 2011 Author Share Posted July 21, 2011 Why would you be even more confused? That your sil also received an invitation that had only the adults' names on it would seem to be confirmation that the bridal couple prefer to have only adults at the wedding (which I, like Impish, don't think is a bad thing). Because the bride told my 12 year old niece (sil's child) that she was old enough to come to her wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Because the bride told my 12 year old niece (sil's child) that she was old enough to come to her wedding. Then you should call the bride--and only the bride, not the sil, not your mil, not anyone else--and ask her if your 12 is allowed to come or not, since her name was not on the invitation. Then you'll have to decide whether you'll take just the 12yo and leave the others home, leave all at home and just you and Mr. Wehomeschool go, or not go at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silliness7 Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 No affront taken whatsoever. Just clarity needed. If she wants a kid-free wedding then that is what I want to give her. I also don't want to offend my sil by not going when we all were invited after all. How old are your kids? I think you can safely infer from the facebook comment that the bride thinks that *some* children are too young for her wedding. It's kind of hard to guess if that could be you not knowing the ages of your children. As far as offending sil...it's not her wedding. It's not her event. She doesn't get to be offended. She has a bad relationship with the bride. Heck, she may be taken off the invite list if something crazy happens. It's not unheard of. You said your hubby wouldn't go if his kids weren't invited. I don't understand that. It's perfectly reasonable for people to have adult-only weddings and yes, this would include children of relatives. Does your dh not think that is a reasonable thing for people to want or is he taking up the family banner of being ticked at this bride? It just sounds like there are a lot of unhappy people in the family, taking offense at this that and the other. When you say out of town - how out of town? 2 day drive? or 1 hour? We did a 2 day drive to my db and sil's wedding. They had a kid free event but organized stuff for our kids and a couple other families who were coming so far. We obviously weren't going to travel that far without our kids. Well maybe some people can get a sitter for the weekend and afford to hop on a plane and it wouldn't be a big deal. That was way out of the realm of possibility for us and they were conscious of that. Sorry if I sound harsh. It's very, very, very hot in my house and I am grumpy. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Exactly, why should the bride/groom shoulder feeding a bunch of children, who likely won't eat anything served anyway, where even one misbehaving child can ruin a wedding ceremony/reception? I do not feel that a wedding is "family oriented" by default. It is totally what the bride and groom is wanting for their special day. And if there is an open bar then it is even less of an appropriate child event. I think anyone throwing a party of any kind can invited anyone or not as they choose. It makes me very sad though that weddings (the CREATING of a family) is not seen as family oriented. The weddings in my world always include children. Said children have been taught to behave through religious services since infancy though...For the child who won't be quiet with a parent who won't take child out--well you have an usher who kindly directs them to a room in the back to quiet their child. My niece is getting married in November. She is including children activities and food, but she is not counting children in the dinner count. She is bringing food, that she is making at home, for the children under 10 yrs old. She is making chicken nuggets and baked macaroni & cheese, green beans,and a few munchies and deserts. So far there are at least 20 kids under 10 who will be attending. She is making it fun!!! Not expensive. So far it is looking to be a very enjoyable wedding and reception. She is also renting a room that will be set up for young children (toys, TV, DVD player, movies) and she is letting parents knows about the playroom. That sounds nice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
indigomama Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 We received an invitation that was addressed only to DH and I, after reading on this site about wedding etiquette;) we decided DH would stay home with our DC and I would RSVP but decide on the day if DH and the kids (we have a few and they are little) would be ok or if I should stay home too. I just got an email from the bride-to-be who had heard that we might not come and that while she originally wanted a "kid-free-zone" she would rather our whole family come than no one. She said she had issues with so many people not coming without kids she emailed everyone and now there will be more than 24 kids! I definitely wanted to give my friend the wedding she wanted but I am so glad we can now all attend. When we had our wedding, almost 10 years ago:) it never crossed my mind not to invite kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Embassy Posted July 21, 2011 Author Share Posted July 21, 2011 You said your hubby wouldn't go if his kids weren't invited. I don't understand that. It's perfectly reasonable for people to have adult-only weddings and yes, this would include children of relatives. Does your dh not think that is a reasonable thing for people to want or is he taking up the family banner of being ticked at this bride? It just sounds like there are a lot of unhappy people in the family, taking offense at this that and the other. Yes, it is perfectly reasonable to have adult-only weddings. It is also perfectly reasonable to choose not to attend without your family. I don't understand why people don't understand that ;) It isn't about being offended either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMA Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Yes, it is perfectly reasonable to have adult-only weddings. It is also perfectly reasonable to choose not to attend without your family. I don't understand why people don't understand that ;) It isn't about being offended either. It is fine to not invite the children. However, I think the families of the bride and groom need to be also gracious when someone turns down the invitation. My husband's nephew got married last August in a fancy hotel in Boston where it was $600 a night for accommodations for those who didn't want to drive home. The bride told me at the shower she expected everyone to just get a babysitter overnight and come to the wedding. Well, we rarely have a babysitter, never mind having a babysitter overnight. Since there aren't any people for us to ask for babysitting and the hotel was expensive, my husband decided not to go. Well, it turned out no extended family on my nephew's side decided to go mainly for financial reasons and his father (my husband's brother) got upset with everyone. I wished that my brother in law and his wife had been expressed their disappointment more graciously. It's fine to invite but don't be offended if someone turns down the invitation for their own reasons. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 It is fine to not invite the children. However, I think the families of the bride and groom need to be also gracious when someone turns down the invitation. My husband's nephew got married last August in a fancy hotel in Boston where it was $600 a night for accommodations for those who didn't want to drive home. The bride told me at the shower she expected everyone to just get a babysitter overnight and come to the wedding. Well, we rarely have a babysitter, never mind having a babysitter overnight. Since there aren't any people for us to ask for babysitting and the hotel was expensive, my husband decided not to go. Well, it turned out no extended family on my nephew's side decided to go mainly for financial reasons and his father (my husband's brother) got upset with everyone. I wished that my brother in law and his wife had been expressed their disappointment more graciously. It's fine to invite but don't be offended if someone turns down the invitation for their own reasons. Wow, what unrealistic expectations! If I shop carefully, I could likely feed my family for a month for the price of that one hotel night! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Wow, what unrealistic expectations! If I shop carefully, I could likely feed my family for a month for the price of that one hotel night! Just what I was thinking. If you want people to come to your wedding you gotta be realistic about what people can afford. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cathy in IL Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 I am getting married in November. I would LOVE to invite all my friends' children, but our church only sits 106 people. Because of this we can only invite children of family members. If people can't come because of childcare issues, I will understand, but space is driving our decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah C. Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 (edited) Haven't read any other posts yet. We were invited to a wedding and asked if we could bring dd (she was 3 months old). They told us yes. Her name wasn't on the invitation. So in some cases people don't follow the official etiquette. I tried to put names on all of our wedding invitations, but I may have missed some or didn't realize that some people had kids - we had lots of kids at our wedding. I never considered *not* inviting kids. Though, I have many younger siblings, so that probably had something to do with it. ;) No point in not inviting kids when there will already be 5 or so there! I would probably just not go, since you already mentioned that you know she doesn't want children at the reception, it's an out of town wedding, and you aren't especially close to the couple. Edited July 22, 2011 by Hannah C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.