Dd, school, and realistic future goals

[Haiku]

*Sigh*

 

We just got dd17's report card. She failed two classes (algebra/geometry and physical science).

 

Dd goes to a school run by a local university. It is a school specifically designed to help kids who wouldn't get to college without intensive intervention. Dd was adopted as a pre-teen. She has learning disabilities and an IEP. She generally works hard in school, although she did slack somewhat over the winter, and I think that contributed to her poor science grade. Math has always been a monumental struggle for her.

 

The thing is, dd has always said she wants to be a doctor, and the school has encouraged this idea. I would never want to be the parent who says to my kid, "You can't do that," but ... my dd cannot be a doctor. Despite several years of reading tutors and remedial reading classes, she does not read as well as my dd9. She hates to read. She doesn't enjoy science, and her abstract thinking skills are poor. She is going into her junior year and just failed the two most important classes for a science major. She wants a career where she "helps people," but everything my dh and I suggest other than doctor is shot down.

 

It's doubtful now that my dd will even graduate high school in four years due to having to repeat these classes. I am (and always have been) worried about her ability to handle college-level work, if she can even get accepted to a college (she carries a low-C average).

 

I don't really know what to say to dd or where to go from here. She gets tutoring at school, we monitor homework and have to sign her planner to indicate she has completed her work, etc. She just has learning challenges that might limit her. I don't want to discourage her, but I think we need to be realistic.

 

Advice? Thanks for reading.

 

Tara

[Impish]

Talk to her guidance counselor at school? I think she needs to hear the reality of the situation, but its best not coming from you. Better that she comes to accept it and make plans that she can achieve for her future than get to the end of high school and have a devestating shock.

[Farrar]

Agreed with Impish that it shouldn't come from you. But you should be the one to help pick up the pieces and help her find another goal. I would focus on why she wants to be a doctor in the first place? Is it just the idea of "success"? Does she want to help people? Is she interested in the body at all? If she wants to be a doctor because she wants to help people, then she may still be able to get a nursing degree or go into a field like physical therapy. Those also require a lot of work, but if she perseveres, they might be realistic goals.

[SailorMom]

I agree with the guidance counselor idea.

ALso - you may suggest that with her grades, she may not be accepted to medical school. Don't make it about her, per say... She could also try working in the medical fields while going to college. That may help her find other ways she could work within her interests.

[....]

I have to tell you about my sister...

 

...one of my sisters had SEVERE adhd. The school wanted to hold her back in K, then she almost failed 2nd grade and 5th grade. My parents ended up having to pull her out of school in high school (to homeschool for awhile) or she wouldn't have finished high school. Her academics were horrible. Her reading and math was horrible, too. She would just sit and cry all night at the dinner table with her homework.

 

Anyway, years later, she ended up graduating from the university with her BSN, she's a LT in the Army and she is an emergency room nurse.

 

My entire family has been stunned that she graduated from college, much less became an ER nurse. She's going to work towards nurse practicioner over the next few years.

[Mary in VA]

Does she know what is required to get into college and then medical school? Have HER research the process and requirements to do both and that might be the reality check she needs. Then you are not discouraging her, she is just being confronted with the facts. Then you could have her research other fields that involve helping people so she could find one that would be achievable. It also may provide more motivation for her school work if she finds an achievable goal.

 

Mary

[Mama Geek]

Dh is dyslexic, almost failed out of high school and was told by a guidance counselor that he would never graduate. Once he finally got his mind right he got a BS in Physics and a MS in Electrical Engineering.

[K&Rs Mom]

Can you talk about what part of being a doctor is attracting her? Maybe there's something similar but with fewer math/science requirements that she could aim for now, then see if she wants to continue working toward MD after a few years experience.

[Haiku]

How about sitting down with her and doing some college research this summer? She needs to understand that the path to med school includes reading at a certain level as well as science. Her choice if she wants to do the work to get there.

 

She had to do that this year for a project for school. She had to research five colleges/universities, find out how much they cost, what the GPA requirements were for admittance, what the requirements are for certain majors she is interested in, etc.

 

Somehow she thinks this does not apply to her or that she will magically acquire the reading skills/desire when she gets to college.

 

Unfortunately, her advisor (guidance counselor) at school is part of the problem. Everyone at the school is all "rah-rah" about anything the kids say they want to do. I understand encouraging them, but even though dd has a low-C average and struggles with math and science, they continue to tell her that medical school is a realistic goal for her.

 

You know, maybe dd will surprise us and be one of those students who goes on to do things that her high school achievement wouldn't have suggested. But at this point, I'm worried about her even getting into a college. Even our local university (not the one that runs the high school; that university is private), which the kids refer to as [College Name] High School because of its relatively low requirements, requires a higher GPA than dd carries.

 

Tara

[MBM]

Maybe she could look into other areas of health care: naturopathy, accupuncture, rolfing, massage therapy, etc. IIRC, you live in the Pacific Northwest where some decent schools for learning those types of therapy are located. Bastyr might be a good start, and I'm sure the people there would be happy to offer other helpful suggestions.

[elfgivas]

we do a lot of "plan B" work. "if what you are planning doesn't work out, what would you like to have as plan B?" we approach it as a way to be less stressed when life throws you curve balls.... you might try that around a few other things that she is less emotionally vested in, and then try it with this one?

 

i'm wondering if she displays this approach around other things too? and if it is about not being able to evaluate what is true/possible/realistic or how the world really works and who she really is....

 

:grouphug:

its hard....

 

ann

[twoforjoy]

FWIW, I think most people who want to be doctors end up adjusting their goals. It's not unusual for more than half of my first-year college students to say they are pre-med, and very few of them are going to make it past first year bio, and of those who do, a bunch more will be weeded out during organic chem.

 

I would consider steering her towards a community college and an AA in a medical field. If she does well in her courses, she could go on, but if she struggles, at least she'll come out working in a field that interests her.