Okay, Mama's how do you handle reentry?

[JudoMom]

Your right! I will leave it up just to live with my shame ;).

 

....in reality, I hate cats. The analogy is totally lost on me. :D

 

I've told my children they kill puppies. That we get ;).

[twoforjoy]

What we've been doing lately that seems to be working well is working on dinner together after DH gets home and spends a few minutes with the kids. I try to make sure the kids are in a relatively calm mood when DH arrives. He usually comes home around 5:15, so around 4:30 we send home any friends, do some picking up of toys, and then the kids watch videos. That way, they're pretty calm and occupied, and DH and I can get into the kitchen for 15 or 20 minutes, make dinner, and catch up on what's going on.

 

Having the kids TV/video/computer/video game time coincide with when DH comes home and when we're preparing dinner definitely seems to help keep things calm.

[Aubrey]

I'm more of a bury my head in my arms kind of girl, esp lately--dh has gotten to where he expects to fix dinner. :o

 

Anyway, on a REALLY, REALLY, REALLY good day...*ahem*... we stop school & start picking up some time between 3 & 4, start dinner, etc. Around 5ish, we talk about what would make dh feel good when he walks in, & I have the kids think about his 5 senses. So one will get slippers, one will turn on some peaceful music, we've started a good dinner smell, but they might light candles, too--well, no, they'd suggest it & I'd do it. The clutter is visually picked up. Etc.

 

They get excited because it's something they can understand, something concrete. Getting the *kids* on board w/ whatever we're doing makes all the difference.

 

Another thing that can help w/ the chaos (as if I'd know)--instituting reading time right around dinner time. Once the house is picked up, that's what we (theoretical we) do until dinner is served.

 

Also, if you're superwoman, I can't remember the ages of your dc, but having anybody under 5yo fed at 5pm can make 6pm dinner much more pleasant. And the hour before 6pm dinner. (I've done this exactly once; I think it requires an extra set of hands to really pull off, lol.)

 

The other day, I sat on the front porch & waited for dh. It was a bad, well, not day, but 15 min before he got home. The kids waited for him in the front window w/ their noses pressed against the glass. I told him what was going on--nothing big at all--but he was impressed that I chose to sit outside in 100 degree weather, complimented me on dealing w/ stuff by taking a break, & was touched that I chose the front porch merely because it was soon to be graced w/ his presence. We sat out there & talked as if we had no kids waiting inside. Until the kids inside came out, in their underwear, with their sticky faces, etc. :lol:

[BabyBre]

I feel like a 50's housewife saying this, but I try to be sure the house is tidy for his arrival, it makes everything more harmonious.

It would be nice if dinner was organised ...

 

 

This is what keeps peace at our house. Focus on what soothes your dh. For mine, it's a clean house, knowing a good meal will be ready shortly, sitting down, being offered a drink, without kids in his face or creating chaos all around him. Mine needs regular decompression time. The kids have been trained to understand this and lay off until Dad's ready for them.

 

When he's at work, it's my household. When he's home, it just has to revolve round him, especially in his higher stress times. Just how it is here.

[flymama]

fairfarmhand - I love what you and your husband talk about. I'm going to talk to my husband about it. It's a great to have a "united front" with the kids.

[simka2]

This is what keeps peace at our house. Focus on what soothes your dh. For mine, it's a clean house, knowing a good meal will be ready shortly, sitting down, being offered a drink, without kids in his face or creating chaos all around him. Mine needs regular decompression time. The kids have been trained to understand this and lay off until Dad's ready for them.

 

When he's at work, it's my household. When he's home, it just has to revolve round him, especially in his higher stress times. Just how it is here.

 

I know this works for other people. My dh would probably leave me if he thought I was planning the household to revolve around him. He just isn't wired that way. Actually, we were both sorta "forced" to structure our lives that way when we were staff pastors. When we left dh looked at me and said, "Never again!!!!"

 

He wants to have a very active role. Last night it was just a bit to active to quickly. I think I need to watch how much I offload and when. Combine that with better communication.

 

I wish we could start a s/o thread about 50's housewives quick tips for the domestically challenged! ;)

[ChrissySC]

Well, my children are not allowed in kitchen during laundry and cooking unless expressly asked. Keep in mind this is mostly for their safety. DH has a chair in the kitchen for when he comes home. I am a usually on time when it comes to preparing dinner. He sits down and tells me of his day and asks after mine.

 

Now, for when he works nights ... I am checking servers and logs when he comes home to sleep. :) He isn't really here, LOL. When he wakes, we are already done with school, except for some independent reading.

 

I guess what I need to say is that you should give him some time. :) He is part of the family. Toss the kids a book and tell them "git".

 

I need adult conversation that is not work related by the time he shows his face for the day - regardless of his schedule or mine. :) Attention will make up for the stack of books, playdoh on the carpet, dirty footed dog, and the little pile of girls on the couch watching cartoons.

Edited June 22, 2011 by ChrissySC

[JessieC]

I wish we could start a s/o thread about 50's housewives quick tips for the domestically challenged! ;)

 

Do it!

[Virg]

:iagree: Yes! Do it!

[2squared]

Even though dh does a lot while I'm at work I still feel...cramped? an additional weight on me? I'm not sure...when I walk in and see that the table has several meals worth of crumbs and general stickiness on it, the floors are in desperate need of vacuuming and mopping, and laundry baskets of clothes are placed randomly throughout the living room.

 

I understand this. I used to work while dh stayed home. I remember how it felt coming home to a house with housework crying my name - laundry, dishes, picking up, etc. I try to make our house calm and welcoming for dh when he comes home which means laundry caught up, rooms picked up, kids occupied, and dinner almost on the table.

 

Our re-entry problems really stem from what he sees outside the house. Does anyone have this same problem? Dh seems to care about what happens outside the house much more than inside, and I see the outside as a chance for the dc to escape and be crazy.

[LMD]

I know DH see's outside as his responsibility to keep clean & clear, whereas inside is my domain (yes, time warp I know!)

 

DH and I talked about what are his priorities for being able to be calm and relaxed when he walked in to the house. He needs the immediate area to be clear, if it's dirty or cluttered he can't relax or think straight. I might have spent all day cleaning the bedrooms but if the living area (that you walk into as soon as you open the door) is a disaster it's all for naught.

 

The kids and I save the last 30mins before he's due to walk in the door to clear the area, we vacuum, usually mop, put things away (everything off the floor) straighten up the couch, clear the tables etc. He'll also often have a shower when he gets home to help him decompress.

 

I LOVE the onions trick, that would work a treat on my DH... :D

[keptwoman]

 

Even though dh does a lot while I'm at work I still feel...cramped? an additional weight on me? I'm not sure...when I walk in and see that the table has several meals worth of crumbs and general stickiness on it, the floors are in desperate need of vacuuming and mopping, and laundry baskets of clothes are placed randomly throughout the living room. It's as if I don't get a chance to decompress from what may have been very busy and/or stressful shifts where I may be operating on less than 4 hours sleep before jumping into family life.

I completely understand this! I'm a Scout leader and when I come home from Scout camps, often sore and lacking in sleep, the house is usually chaos. DH will have done the necessary feeding and driving about, but he doesn't do the cleaning up so I come home to a mess and I find it so depressing that I have to clean up mess from when I wasn't even there.

 

Work has been a bit more stressful than normal for dh. Plus, we are dealing with the recent diagnoses of ds9 with some behavioral issues. Dh comes home about the time the meds are starting to wind down. :glare: Poor ds who has had a great day and can't wait to tell dh all he accomplished...starts to blow it with his evening behavior. Unfortunately, dh (and I) still struggle with identifying what is bad behavior and what is beyond the realm of ds's present level of control. As a result I can feel "extra" protective of him.

I find when work is going badly for DH, the household suffers too! I have also had the same issue with a childs behaviour, and the worst thing of that is that DH explodes easily and I find myself having to intervene. DH is getting better at that slowly.