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irrational pouting


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I am having a sad/hard time and really wanted to share with my new found friends on this board, in hopes of finding someone who understands. I know several women in my area that homeschool. We are friendly everytime we see each other, but it doesn't really go past that. Then I had my inner circle, my posse! A group of really close girlfriends that I could share this journey with. A group of friends that were heart to heart. I had 3 really close friends and one by one, in just a matter of a couple of months, they have each quit homeschooling and started working. I am happy for each of them. I understand each of their decisions. I support them and feel that they have each made the best choice for their family....but.....

 

I feel sad, lonely, abandoned and even :confused:angry??:confused:

 

I know it is so irrational. I know they are still my friends and it is irrational and even unfair how I feel...and yet, I still feel it! :sad:

 

When I talk to them now, I feel somewhat disconnected from them. They have time for lunch with their Dad (without the kids), they talk about work and paychecks, they talk about school events that I somehow find myself wishing my kids could attend. They now live in a world where they don't worry about whether their kids are getting enough face-time with friends. They are about to spend a summer without the nagging worry that they didn't get enough "school" done before they took the break. They are developing their skills and talents in a world where they get recognition and paid for their efforts. They get long breaks in the daytime from their kids so they don't have to feel like a "bad mom" who can't understand why sometimes she just wants to plop the kids in front of the TV and lock the bedroom door.

I miss talking to them about curriculum, about how I'm going to teach Math, about the frustrations, joys and loves of homeschooling...

I think it is sometimes hard to be a homeschooler. I feel like, in some ways, we are a "fringe" group. Sometimes we are marginalized and viewed as slightly strange by others who don't understand. I felt so strong with my posse, facing the world together, supporting each other in this sacrifice and adventure. Now I feel alone. And I find myself pouting....

I find myself feeling like they abandoned me...gave up the fight and left me fighting alone....

Don't get me wrong. I still love homeschooling. In fact, I feel more committed to it than I ever thought I would when I first started. I love being with my kids, I love learning with them, I love what I've seen it do in my family...etc...I could go on and on.

I'm beginning to think that this is just one of those things about homeschooling that I didn't see at first. I am thinking that I have to get used to somewhat of a revolving door of friends. Friends always change in our lives, maybe even more, though, in this kind of community. We are living outside of what others consider "normal". It is a sacrifice of our lives and time to do what we do. Maybe it should not surprise me that people will not be as constant in a community based on such things.

But...still...I pout.....

 

Anyone out there understand????

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Yes, I understand. I've had to adapt to the changing friendships, have lost some friendships (nothing major, they just atrophied away) and I've forged new friendships. I also come to this board a lot because frankly, the homeschooling ranks do tend to thin out once your kids get into middle school and esp. high school. :grouphug::grouphug:

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