razorbackmama Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 I do believe my oldest to be bright. He has some glitches, yes. He has some motivation issues, yes. And he seems to think that being done is equally acceptable to being correct, so he tends to hurry through his work. However, he is not dumb by any means. Unfortunately, he does not agree with me. He had to write sentences using vocabulary words, and one of his sentences was, "I lack being smart.":(:(:( He was in the middle of vacuuming when I saw it, and I stopped him IMMEDIATELY and asked if he really thought that. Then I told him emphatically that it was absolutely, positively NOT TRUE. However, I am sure in his almost 14yo mind I was just full of BLAHBLAHBLAH. So how do you handle these thoughts? I can honestly say that I do NOT focus on his shortcomings, and I praise him privately and publicly about his strengths (which are many). He simply has trouble with language, which unfortunately affects everything. This makes him feel stupid. I'm sure I'm not alone in dealing with this sort of thing, so how have you handled it? And has it helped? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 Dr. Hallowell who specializes in ADD kids, says the way to build self-esteem is to work hard at something and accomplish it/win it/complete it. It doesn't have to be in academics. Once the kid accomplishes things, then they will more likely believe that they are smart in some way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Critterfixer Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 I would probably point out to him that if he heard another person talk about a friend of his in that way that he would probably be pretty angry. He might even get angry enough to defend that friend, because he would know just how wrong it would be to talk about his friend in that way. If he would not stand to hear a friend degraded in that way, why would he say such things about himself? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
razorbackmama Posted March 23, 2011 Author Share Posted March 23, 2011 Dr. Hallowell who specializes in ADD kids, says the way to build self-esteem is to work hard at something and accomplish it/win it/complete it. It doesn't have to be in academics. Once the kid accomplishes things, then they will more likely believe that they are smart in some way. He plans to start playing the bass guitar soon (saving up for a bass), and in July he is joining the Young Marines. I think he will do GREAT at both of these. I hope he can see that as well. I would probably point out to him that if he heard another person talk about a friend of his in that way that he would probably be pretty angry. He might even get angry enough to defend that friend, because he would know just how wrong it would be to talk about his friend in that way. If he would not stand to hear a friend degraded in that way, why would he say such things about himself? I REALLY like this. I just hope he will understand it since it requires some logical leaps (which he sometimes can struggle with). I will give it a shot though, for SURE! Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 Has he been formally evaluated? I've told my dd14 that she IS smart, and we have an IQ test to prove it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
razorbackmama Posted March 23, 2011 Author Share Posted March 23, 2011 Has he been formally evaluated? I've told my dd14 that she IS smart, and we have an IQ test to prove it. He's had bits and pieces of different tests. :glare: Everything came out very average except for things like receptive and expressive language. But yes, I'd like to get a full-blown cognitive battery done, partly because of this and partly to see if there are any processing/working memory issues too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peacefully Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
razorbackmama Posted March 23, 2011 Author Share Posted March 23, 2011 Thanks for all the suggestions! I've really been consumed by this idea lately, since I often compare my son and my dh, who is moderately to severely dyslexic and has the most positive "growth mindset" I've ever personally seen. I've known dh since high school, and he's had some pretty stellar academic achievements. But I've also seen how hard he's worked. More than any other skill, I want ds to develop some of his dad's steady determination. This is like my dh too. I'm sure he's somewhat dyslexic. He has a doctorate. However, he worked his TAIL off to do it. I watched him work WAY harder than his classmates. Unfortunately my ds doesn't really see that and probably doesn't believe it. But I talk about it lots anyway LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 Does he have any signs of ADD/ADHD? That can make smart kids feel "dumb" as they can't focus on things and complete them to their ability level. It can show up more and more (esp. the inattention stuff) as they get older and the material more complex. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Critterfixer Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 Everything seems catastrophic at fourteen, too.:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
razorbackmama Posted March 24, 2011 Author Share Posted March 24, 2011 Does he have any signs of ADD/ADHD? That can make smart kids feel "dumb" as they can't focus on things and complete them to their ability level. It can show up more and more (esp. the inattention stuff) as they get older and the material more complex.Nah. He has CAPD though, and yes, the material can cause trouble since he doesn't understand the language used. Everything seems catastrophic at fourteen, too.:001_smile:VERY good point. Because after all, life revolves around Facebook and his favorite band, don'tcha know.;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TAKlinda Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 I work with students with various learning difficulties. Most are concept/system thinkers and though they struggle with basic learning, they do very well with concepts. Starting with my son over 25 years go, I discovered you need to teach them the way they think. I use dot patterns for letter and number reversals, as well as for thinking. Decoding word lists for reading and fluency. Give them a formula for paragraph writing and use a system to teach math facts. I tell them that they are really smart, they just think differently and need to be taught a different way. It is amazing to watch them gain confidence and succeed academically. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momx4 Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 This just breaks my heart. DD has a LD, and two older brothers who do not have an LD. Unfortunately, we live in a small burb, and she has all her brothers' former teachers who stupidly make comparisons. I've put a stop to it, but the damage is done. She has broken down crying several times stating, "I'm stupid, I'm not like them!" Plus, our district has LOTS of GT kids, so she would rather do poorly in school than receive a modification that her peers/friends might learn about. She is exceptional at sports (on a national level) so we keep her involved, and I always emphasize as many positive things with her as possible. I just hope she makes it through. Ugh. GLTY! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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