Anybody want to play, WWYD?

[1bassoon]

Anybody game for a game of "hypotheticals"? I need to think through a potential scenario:

 

About six years ago, we moved from a northern state to the south. My dh's job (in education) dried up after about 18 months; since then, he's been either unemployed, underemployed, or employed doing something not in his major field.

 

Just recently, he's gotten interviews for jobs back in same said northern state. One job right near where we lived; on job about 1.5 hours away from our original city. No interviews down here yet; but it's still early. He's getting the word out now.

 

Here's the complication: dd18 has been accepted to a local school, on a large scholarship, to study business & dance. She very much wants to live at home to do college. She can't swing the tuition & room & board if she lives on campus - and freshmen have to either live with parents or live on campus.

 

So, let's play "what if dh gets this job", shall we?

 

Issues and things I'm thinking:

1. Some of you may say, have dd take a "gap year". Well, she's already done that. And I'm not sure there's a school near where we'd live where she'd want to go. Kwim? Near one of the schools, there's not even an option.

2. My parents JUST bought a condo about 4 hours from us (they were 8 hrs) - we are their closest family now. I had been looking forward to us being near them.

3. We tried to sell our house about 3 years ago when dh worked out of town for 18 months (anyone remember that fiasco?) We had no success.

3.5 Further wrinkle: one of her scholarships stipulates for a student of our state. Don't know what happens if the parents move out of state, and she stays. . . . .it's a sizeable amount of $$, also ($3K per year, renewable)

4. Contemplating the idea of putting the house on the market, and if it sells, staying in an apartment with the kids until next June, so dd can finish her freshman year and then find somewhere to live for the next three. We've lived apart before - not great, but doable. My parents might be willing to help with travel expenses.

5. Leave dd here to go to school - she'll have to take loans to live on campus, but my folks will be a quick drive away for her. We've got lots of friends nearby who would take her in and look out for her. Lots of very, very good friends, I might add.

 

I'm so torn. I hate, hate seeing dh not using his gifts. And yet the thought of moving back to the north is not appealing to me in the slightest.

 

There are more details, but I just needed somewhere to get a little feedback and perspective. Have at it, Hive!

Edited March 23, 2011 by HeatherH

[Jean in Newcastle]

#5.

[Pegasus]

I agree, #5. It's more important to keep you and DH together, if at all possible. Maybe you and DH would be able to give DD a bit more financial help if he landed a good job in the north.

 

Pegasus

[OrganicAnn]

I'd say that your DH should pursue all jobs he can. When he actually has a job offer, then you can make some decisions. If your DH gets a good job, could you pay all or part for your DD to live on campus? Could the GP chip in on for the living on campus?

 

I would not make any decisions until DH finds the job he wants to accept. Though I would be looking at selling the house, if you thought you could.

[1bassoon]

Yeah, I know, I know.

 

But. . . . . the jobs are at private schools. They don't pay well. But it would be something, you know? I don't think it would be enough to pay for her to come home more than once in the middle of the year.

 

And. . . . . if we gave her that choice, I'm not sure she'd take it. I'm afraid she'd rather move with us, and do. . . I don't know what. She's such a homebody.

 

Sigh.

[ChristusG]

Honestly, I'm not sure that I could leave DD in a place that she doesn't want to be. I know that she's 18, but when I was 18, I never would have stayed somewhere that I basically didn't have anyone.

 

What does your DH think? Does it bother him that he's not working in the field that he originally wanted to?

[RahRah]

I live in a college/university town and there is an option you don't have listed:

 

Option 6 - purchase a studio or 1-BR condo close to campus for DD, help her with paying the mortgage and bills (she takes loans or works pt to help too)....when she finishes up, sell the condo and split the equity earned (there will be another student family looking to do the same if it's a college town). It will likely cost less than living on campus and will give her more space - she might even be able to find a roommate and charge them enough rent to pay the mortgage.

 

A lot of students in our area rent private homes, rooms, condos etc. - but, a good number also make a purchase, bring in room mates and wind up with a property to sell when they're done with their studies and/or decide to settle in and stay here. Not sure it'll work for you guys, but perhaps something to consider?

[1bassoon]

I live in a college/university town and there is an option you don't have listed:

 

Option 6 - purchase a studio or 1-BR condo close to campus for DD, help her with paying the mortgage and bills (she takes loans or works pt to help too)....when she finishes up, sell the condo and split the equity earned (there will be another student family looking to do the same if it's a college town). It will likely cost less than living on campus and will give her more space - she might even be able to find a roommate and charge them enough rent to pay the mortgage.

 

A lot of students in our area rent private homes, rooms, condos etc. - but, a good number also make a purchase, bring in room mates and wind up with a property to sell when they're done with their studies and/or decide to settle in and stay here. Not sure it'll work for you guys, but perhaps something to consider?

 

Hmm. . . that is VERY interesting, but - her college stipulates she has to either live on campus or with parents her first year.

 

AND - see further wrinkle 3.5 in my first post.

 

But, then again, we might not be able to sell the house, and would be stuck again, anyways. . . . :glare:

 

And y'all know that he doesn't even have an offer, I just need to think this stuff through!

[Murphy101]

Could dd live with the grandparents and go to the school she wants? That would save the loans and such?

 

Otherwise, he has to go where the money is or there won't be money to do anything for anyone in the home.

 

I'd worry about what colleges are nearby when things look more serious.

 

If the house is more than you can afford, I'd put it on market regardless. If it sells in time for you to move out of state - great. If it sells and you end up staying, then now is your chance to get a more affordable home where you are - also great.

 

But if you aren't serious about getting out of it for either of this reasons, then I'd wait until you are.

[RahRah]

Hmm. . . that is VERY interesting, but - her college stipulates she has to either live on campus or with parents her first year.

 

AND - see further wrinkle 3.5 in my first post.

 

But, then again, we might not be able to sell the house, and would be stuck again, anyways. . . . :glare:

 

And y'all know that he doesn't even have an offer, I just need to think this stuff through!

 

For wrinkle 3.5 - if she hasn't physically moved from the state, she should maintain her residency - if she hasn't registered to vote, she should now to be able to prove she's lived in-state since before the scholarship.

 

Depending on when your move would happen, if it happens, you'll be considered "in state" parents if you are in the state for at least (I think) 181 days in the year you file your taxes. So if she were to start in September, your taxes filed for 2011 would have your residency as your current state if you move in the summer or later - basically you'd have a split return, pro-rated for each state for taxes, with primary state of residency for the year considered the state you lived in for the majority of the year.

 

Also, if you co-own (if you purchase) with her, you own the property - it is your property, her parents - she is living at her parents property....until tax year 2012 comes along (and she's in year two) she's living with you technically and will get her past the first year living restrictions. A second mortgage, on a second property, for what it's worth, is deductible. Also, you could visit her often too...she wouldn't be in a tiny cramped room!

 

If selling your current residence seems like it won't happen - you could consider moving to the new state, rent an apartment and have her maintain the house, get some roommates to help defer costs/pay mortgage, and visit often. Given her age, it might be helpful to hire an agent to officially oversee maintainence and such, collection of rent, etc.