Anyone feel guilty for being too involved in the college app process should read this

[readwithem]

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB120969684580161879.html?mod=weekend_journal_primary_hs

 

Of late, college administrators have taken to complaining about the excessive involvement of parents in the admissions process, but let's face it: In order to deal with the bureaucratic nightmare of college applications you need constant adult supervision.

[Brenda in MA]

that girl is fortunate to have an aunt and uncle to assist her.

 

Brenda

[Jane in NC]

The quote in the original post summed up my observations.

 

Jane

[pmegan]

My husband was in a not entirely dissimilar situation. He's very smart, but got no guidance at school, and his parents were clueless (his father was absent, and his mother was an overworked single mother without a degree of her own, plus some mental problems). For example, he didn't know how to register for the SAT's (you couldn't just google back then!) and his guidance counselor told him they weren't very important anyway, so by the time he finally figured it out he had to take them after all the applications were due... so he had no idea if his school choices were realistic. He got no guidance, so he ended up only applying to 2 schools: MIT and a small, very not good local school. He didn't get into MIT, so he ended up at the small school, and it was a disaster from start to finish. He dropped out after two semesters.

 

He's done very well for himself, because he's smart and a hard worker, and he's in a field (IT) where a college degree doesn't really matter. But it really makes me think about how lucky I was to have had very educated parents who were very involved and knew exactly how the admissions system works, and to have gone to a small private school where there was someone whose entire job was to get the 35 graduates into good schools.

 

It's easy to blame the victim and say "oh, a 17 year old is old enough to do her own research if she really wants to" but this ignores the fact that 1) the research really should start long before you're 17, and 2) you have to know where to START, which isn't obvious if you don't have an experienced adult to guide you, and 3) important parts of the entire process, as this article shows, are entirely out of the hands of the poor student who really might have all her ducks in a row!

[Nan in Mass]

Wow! Here, the guidance department makes sure that everyone has filled out and sent in at least one further education app, even if not to a regular college, then to the local CC or to a trade school. My son said he wanted to do plumbing and they made him apply to at least two engineering schools LOL, just in case he changed his mind. It is some sort of school policy, I think. They made everyone write an application essay in English, too. I can't say they were fantastic at choosing WHICH colleges would suit which children, but at least they tried.

-Nan

[Tokyomarie]

A very sad story, indeed. I have come to know too many young people whose higher education, whether at a trade school, CC. or 4 year college/university never got started or stalled out because of a lack of family support. Sometimes parents are absent; sometimes they never went themselves and have no clue where to start. Sometimes the parents believe a young person should do all the work of applications themselves, as though an inexperienced 17 or 18yo should just magically know what to do to get into college.

 

Sometimes students start but families have no clue that just showing up to class isn't enough and that for every hour in class the student needs to be putting in 2-3 hours or more of study outside of class. They think when the student is not in class he/she should be a free babysitter for siblings, housekeeper in place of working mom, plus hold down a full-time job of their own so they can pay rent to the parents. I'm not saying that a student living at home shouldn't do some of those things, but when they interfere with the full-time job of being a student, it's clear that the family either doesn't understand what college is about or is consciously or unconsciously sabatoging the student's efforts to get an education beyond high school.

 

I have no regrets for all the work I put into the college search process for my two daughters. Much of the time, I sat with them teaching them how to make contacts with professors and admissions personnel, discussing the expectations for a college application essay, helping them fine tune their thoughts for essays and interviews, etc. I took care of the lion's share of helping them stay organized and on top of deadlines. I felt it was within my role as guidance counselor to check up on admissions offices and make sure that all parts of their file were complete- that materials we sent had been assigned to the right file, that recommendations had arrived as promised, etc. I didn't do it all for my girls, but neither could they have done it all themselves. It was a family effort.

[Nan in Mass]

We've seen families not understand that studying had to happen outside of class, too, and children fail as a result. It is very sad.

 

I did the lion's share of work getting my 20yo son's college app, etc., done this last year. And I expect to do the lion's share of getting him packed and off in Aug., also. He works full-time. It has nothing to do with not being adult; he is managing to work as a plumber, with all the applications and paperwork and time management involved with that, just fine. He just doesn't know how to do this sort of paperwork and needs me to walk him through it. And he is very busy and relies on me to keep track of certain things like dentist appointments. It seems pretty normal to me to do it. That's how we all got into college. When it's his son's turn, THEN he'll be doing it all GRIN. My parents' parents did it for them. It just is offset a generation. Colleges are dreaming if they think a busy student can manage all that on their own. A few can, I'm sure, but most of them can't.

 

-Nan

[ereks mom]

Our friend who is an admissions counselor said that more and more often, parents are directly involved with their kids' college admissions process. The college ER will attend scheduled New Student Registration (rising freshmen register for classes for the coming fall semester) and *expected* that parents would attend -- even had seminars for us. Note: This is not the same as New Student Orientation, which is for the students only.

[Storm Bay]

This is sad. Has it always been this hard to apply in the US? When I applied to university in Canada, back in the late 1970s, it was a piece of cake compared with what I'm reading. However, financing was no problem as my parents paid everything I couldn't save in my summer jobs (it wasn't nearly so expensive, either.)

[Tokyomarie]

This is sad. Has it always been this hard to apply in the US? When I applied to university in Canada, back in the late 1970s, it was a piece of cake compared with what I'm reading. However, financing was no problem as my parents paid everything I couldn't save in my summer jobs (it wasn't nearly so expensive, either.)

 

I did not have the opportunity to even consider attending one of the elite colleges & universities in my day- mid-1970s- because of family financial issues, but I have heard others say that their children, who have had far more extensive experiences in life and more impressive transcripts & test scores, were rejected at elite universities that the parents themselves attended.

 

With respect to cost, I did a quick calculation and tuition, room, and board in 1976 at the public universities I attended, just before the huge spikes in college costs started, were approximately 13-14% of the national median household income in that year. Non-discounted tuition, room & board at a public university in my state for this year is about 35% of the median family income. That's sobering.

[Jan P.]

I don't feel guilty for the steps I took to help my ds go through the college application process. However, I regret that I didn't take more steps at trying to get my ds to apply early and to MAKE my son write essays for applying for scholarships. He truly limited himself in getting money for very good schools. He was accepted to four colleges (everyone that he applied to), but he was either too late or didn't try to write essays for their scholarships.

 

I hope that the young lady did get into a college. It's amazing that very poor students can have practically a free ride to college if they fill out the correct forms. Unfortunately we (my dh and I) make too much money for Federal grants, but we don't make enough money to send our ds to a four year college. He is going to the local two year college, and hopefully he will be able to transfer to the state university. My ds did get a state scholarship for his college here in town, but I had high hopes to send my ds to a private college out of state. Oh well, God knows best!

 

Blessings,

[Mamagistra]

Thank you for posting this...eye-opening.