Squirmy 8 year old making me crazy

[brownie]

DS8 is my middle son. He is gifted and doing 4th grade Singapore math and 3rd grade most other subjects. I bought How to Raise Your Spirited Child when he was 1.5yrs old...he definitely has sensory issues. I have an older gifted with minor learning issues and Asp/ADD so I know all about that! That also means my oldest needs structure and peace to get his work done.

 

DS8 was fine last year when ds5 was in preschool 3 of our 4 school days. In fact he was pretty good all fall this year. He has always had a tendency to listen with me while hanging upside down or spinning his chair, which I attempt to ignore when eye contact does not seem critical, but it was manageable.

 

However, now he is driving me bananas. Every time I turn my back he leaves the room, he plays footsies with the 5 year old under the table, wrestles and goofs off with him. He is constantly fiddling with a toy, and not in a quiet way. Today I had to attempt to teach science while he peered at me through the hole in one of those cards that attaches to your key chain, and then poked himself in the eye! Am I being unreasonable...I want to pull my hair out! I don't understand what has happened! I will try having him do some of his work in his bedroom next...he is fairly well focussed and efficient for an 8 year old boy. However, we do science and history together and right now he often needs a bit of assistance with math because he's also been easy to frustrate over all his work lately. Any ideas?

 

Brownie

[lisamarie]

The same thing happens in my house. When I have my DS do his work at the table by himself and no one is around, he gets it done quietly and quickly. If anyone is in the room with him, he turns into one big ball of distraction. Can't sit still, taps his pencil, plays with whatever is on the table, etc. He's started to get really mad lately whenever someone is noisy and he's trying to do his work. I am thinking that he needs to start using his bedroom desk on days when silence isn't possible.

[Anne]

How about sending him out for some serious exercise before you want him to sit down in a group setting, and then maybe lots of exercise breaks.

 

Run around the outside of the house ___ times.

jumping jacks

push ups

pull-ups - do you have a bar in your house?

maybe a mini-trampoline would be helpful

 

Anne

[lisamarie]

How about sending him out for some serious exercise before you want him to sit down in a group setting, and then maybe lots of exercise breaks.

 

Run around the outside of the house ___ times.

jumping jacks

push ups

pull-ups - do you have a bar in your house?

maybe a mini-trampoline would be helpful

 

Anne

 

I do this, too. Between subjects on particularly antsy days I will have him do crazy things up and down the hall. Jump like a bunny, do the crab walk, somersault the whole way, lay out washcloths with a gap between them and he has to jump from cloth to cloth, etc. It helps him to get some energy out and then get back into his school work.

 

Most winter mornings, I have him take a recess and play in the snow for a half hour before we start school. In the warmer months, I go walking, running or bike riding most mornings before DH leaves for work and DS goes with me. Today after DS finished reading his science lesson on winter animals and the tracks they make, we went outside to see the tracks we could find in our yard and in the woods. It was only 20 minutes but it was enough to clear his head and he was ready to settle down and finish the rest of his work.

 

ETA: My DS does most of the shoveling when we get under 3 inches, usually before starting his schoolwork. In the fall, he does almost all of the raking. In the spring he pulls weeds, waters the garden, and helps plant. In the summer I just kick him out the door and make him play and run around. When we go grocery shopping, while I shop slowly, DS runs up and down the aisle over and over (it's usually not very crowded so it's not a problem). He probably runs 1-2 miles every time we shop. And right now as I type this he is running up and down the hallway while waiting for his toast to pop up. (Can you tell that my DS has a ton of energy that needs an outlet???)

Edited February 11, 2011 by lisamarie

[RanchGirl]

I was going to say exercise too, and it could be he's not getting as much as usual due to the cold weather. Do you have a rebounder? Jumping rope?

 

I found that my kids do better when we don't have lessons all together. Actually they do better with more of a tutor approach than a lesson approach -- checking in, going over trouble areas, but letting them work in their own way and their choice location in between discussions. For my younger guy (9), that is sometimes sitting smack dab on top of my desk (which drives me crazy)!

 

Also changing location a lot (from desk to couch, upstairs to downstairs) and letting him eat a snack while working can help too.

 

Consider the fact that he may honestly need to have less seatwork/groupwork at this age... I'm a believer that you can't beat education into their heads (and shouldn't try). Does he like to read? If he would rather stretch out and read a book than listen to a lesson, I would let him do it for some subjects, especially at this age and during the winter months.

[bcnlvr]

Wow! I could have written your post. Having auditory imput has really helped my DS9. I play classical music and that helps calm him down. He still dances, taps his pencil on the table, and wiggles around, but he gets his work done and I don't have to bleed from the ears and eyes. Also, like you, we start the day with RIGOROUS exercise.

[2smartones]

I have the same issue in my house. We have a large living room with the sofa in the center, so on days like that, I say "run around the living room 10 times and come back". They both think it's a fun game to shout the number each time they pass the school room (especially if I have a headache :tongue_smilie:), but it usually does the trick. They're more focused after that.

[brownie]

OK - I get the point! Exercise! He has a chin up bar. I'll give some exercise a try before school. He only gets a scheduled hour a week for sports but he does play tackle football inside with his little brother :glare:

 

Is there a book on the topic of kids with sensory / overexcitabilities? I'm sure there is but I haven't gone down that avenue in awhile.

 

Brownie

[regentrude]

OK - I get the point! Exercise! He has a chin up bar. I'll give some exercise a try before school. He only gets a scheduled hour a week for sports but he does play tackle football inside with his little brother

 

Not nearly enough. When I was growing up, pediatricians recommended a few hours of vigorous outdoor play daily after school.

When my kids still attended ps, we would walk to school and that did help my son to be able to sit down. We also noticed that the kids were much calmer and better behaved after going hiking - at age 8, I am talking about 5-6 miles, not a walk around the block. Really, I think many behavior issues particularly in boys are a direct consequence of the sedentary lifestyle and the fact that kids don't just run around outside all afternoon. They are meant to move a lot.

[Guest PAGE]

This dates me, but when I grew up, most people had at least a mile's walk to school, and often much more, even in a suburb. You'd arrive feeling alert and ready. My child does math after 2hrs of soccer and enjoys both. But without the exercise he soon starts to squirm...

This is my first post. I do not understand the DS, obviously some kind of code, Dear Son/ Dear Daughter plus age? Protective??

Edited February 15, 2011 by PAGE

[Storm Bay]

In addition to excercise in general, he may need to fidget in order to concentrate and learn well. I have a couple of dc like this.

 

Books I highly recommend are:

The Dominance Factor by Carla Hannaford (this has been the best thing for helping figure out how my dc learn--far and above better than anything else I've read about learning styles) http://www.amazon.com/Dominance-Factor-Knowing-Dominant-Learning/dp/0915556316

Brain Gym http://www.amazon.com/Brain-Gym-Simple-Activities-Learning/dp/0942143051/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1297773408&sr=1-1 although I use only the teacher's edition http://www.amazon.com/Brain-Gym-Teachers-Revised-2010/dp/0942143027/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1297773408&sr=1-2

Learning is Not All in Your Head by Carla Hannaford http://www.amazon.com/Smart-Moves-Learning-Your-Head/dp/0915556375/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1297773385&sr=1-1

[brownie]

DS is dear son :)

 

THank you for the book rec's. Time to start reading again! (on this particular topic of course :) )

 

Fitting 2 hours a day of exercise in, esp BEFORE school is done for the day...wow! don't know where it would fit. My older son swims laps 5 hours a week but my squirmy one won't join due to sensory issues. It's hard here in the winter and time constraints prevent joining any more organized sports (3 kids in too many different places = no time slots left). I guess that's why he's taken to playing 'baseball' and tackle football in the house! Hopefully spring will be here soon!

 

Brownie

[Storm Bay]

DS is dear son :)

 

 

Brownie

Or darling son :). I now just read them all as dee ess, dee dee, dee aitch, etc ;).

[mommymilkies]

My ds is the same way and OT has helped a lot. The Out of Sync child book helped a lot, and getting him out and exercising helps, too. I also got him a balance board, kickboxing bag, and other things to get some energy out inside.

[regentrude]

 

Fitting 2 hours a day of exercise in, esp BEFORE school is done for the day...wow! don't know where it would fit.

 

You don't have to do the two hours before school is out. If the kids gets the two hours regularly every day after school that will also help. And then just do twenty minutes of vigorous exercise before school.

 

Why can't you fit that? How long do you guys do school???? My kids have a couple of unscheduled hours every afternoon.

Exercise does not require joining a club, team or other organization. When my kids were younger, I would spend a couple of hours at the park with them every day. Even in winter we'd go outside for a while.

[Anne]

This dates me, but when I grew up, most people had at least a mile's walk to school, and often much more, even in a suburb. You'd arrive feeling alert and ready. My child does math after 2hrs of soccer and enjoys both. But without the exercise he soon starts to squirm...

This is my first post. I do not understand the DS, obviously some kind of code, Dear Son/ Dear Daughter plus age? Protective??

 

Yes - DS = dear son, DD = dear daughter, number following = age

 

DH = dear husband, DW = dear wife (usually these aren't followed by numbers!!):D

 

 

Anne

[brownie]

I can't fit it in because our days are packed. We only school until 1 and that includes snack, silent reading and lunch. The hours unaccounted for are intentionally unaccounted for so my kids can play what they want with one another or have playdates. Between my 3 boys, we average 9 trips our of the house each school week for scheduled activities, 6 of which are sports (none of which coincide unfortunately...as I mentioned, my squirmy guy refuses to do swimming bc he won't swim with his face underwater due to sensory issues).

 

For example, that means today my squirmy 1 has 1 hr of at home downtime before 7PM during which he is usually playing with his younger brother during his weekly playdate. Hoestly, he would prefer to read during most of his down time.

 

Everyone has their priorities...I know many families on this board require until 4PM to juggle enough academics for all their kids. I think we are very efficient, but 2 hours of activity for 3 kids just doesn't fit during the winter. I will need to be creative to work in more activity, esp as we plan next year.

Brownie

[regentrude]

So what is your 8 y/o doing for the other FIVE hours between 1 and 7? Sit still while his siblings are doing sports? Can't he use the time for his own exercise? I.e. run with you while siblings do their thing, etc?

 

For example, that means today my squirmy 1 has 1 hr of at home downtime before 7PM during which he is usually playing with his younger brother during his weekly playdate.

[brownie]

No - not that I need to justify our schedule. However, we left at 1 for gymnastics. We cannot exercise during ds5's gymnastics class. We stay and watch...ds chooses to read. We returned home at 2:45 or so. Just after 4 we leave for catechism...mandatory to our spiritual life and a church requirement. We will be home at 6:30...I teach so we have to arrive a little early and stay until the children are checked out. Then it is time to eat dinner. That's where the time goes on Tuesdays.

 

While our oldest is swimming we do try to spend time in the gym, but it is crowded and ds can't run around playing soccer as he would wish. He gets frustrated. We get perhaps an extra hour and a half in that way each week.

 

As I said, it will require creativity for me to squeeze it in and not reduce academics or social time to a point that they are unacceptable to our family. I may need to force ds to take sports classes he does not want to take while his brothers are taking classes, and once the weather improves, start going to the park early in the morning. I don't know...it will require some careful thought.

 

Brownie

[Storm Bay]

You don't have to do the two hours before school is out. If the kids gets the two hours regularly every day after school that will also help. And then just do twenty minutes of vigorous exercise before school.

 

Why can't you fit that? How long do you guys do school???? My kids have a couple of unscheduled hours every afternoon.

Exercise does not require joining a club, team or other organization. When my kids were younger, I would spend a couple of hours at the park with them every day. Even in winter we'd go outside for a while.

 

:iagree: It's important to have physical outlets for all of your dc, too. It can be harder when your dc are younger and you aren't ready to leave during the activity that one does. Is it possible to go for a walk during the gymnastics? Even that can help. All growing children need plenty of exercise. One of the reasons certain problems in ps are on the rise in ps is the lack of time for exercise. Gone are the days of an hour break for lunch, most of which gave time to play, and the two other recesses for the younger students.

 

All three of my dc are involved with activities that involve exercise. The are all now on a swim team (but before that they all took lessons, and have joined team at various times). I have one who is also in Judo, and another who just quit tap (but that gives him another night to swim), etc. I dread the weeks when there are no practices, particularly if the weather is poor.

[Guest Luwayo]

Carol Kranowitz' The Out-of-Sync Child Has Fun and Growing an In-Synch child would be informative.

 

"Let me gently say that this is the age where parents realize boys need two hrs a day of active, weight bearing exercise...run, swim, bike, move a pile of bricks, climb trees, etc. It's not an necessarily an overexcitability, it's more likely part of being a growing boy."

 

I second this about the wt. bearing activities! I attended a talk by an OT who spoke about the calming results of proprioceptive movement. Forgive my oversimplified talk - it's muscle work.

 

He recommended WORK type activities. One mother had her son move an entire length of garden hose from the front of the property to the back (and you know how they get tangled on things). The next day, he'd have to return it to the front. He thought she did a lot of gardening. But the muscle work is grounding. A grown-up's example would be for the adult male to get settled by using the wt. room, before going home.