I don't know what the service is called, but an adult that I know needs help with

[T Baer]

learning personal hygiene skills. Specific hygiene areas are, caring about how he dresses, like buttoning up his shirt correctly, or tucking them in. hair grooming, not sleeping in his day clothes, not mixing clean clothes with dirty clothes... Let me say that he does have a form of Autism. For the most part, he's been allowed (?) to function this way and so is not challenged to work on this area. I don't know the details of the services he's been given, but I haven't been impressed with it. He has hoarding tendencies and rather than address the issue, he was helped to move from a 1 bedroom to a 2 bedroom apartment. I was aghast when I heard this! I have to tread lightly here, but if I can point close relatives in the right direction or offer them some suggestions that would be great. By the way, he does have a college degree but isn't able to use it because of these and other social and some physical deficits.

[Mejane]

He needs occupational therapy.

[Murphy101]

Are you family?

 

If not, really stay out of it.

 

For all you know, he has come a long long way and this IS the improvement.

 

You had best be a VERY close family friend for several years to tread in this area.

 

Doesn't mean you are wrong.

 

Just saying the family dynamics might not weigh towards appreciation.;)

[Big Buckin' Longhorn]

Are you family?

 

If not, really stay out of it.

 

For all you know, he has come a long long way and this IS the improvement.

 

You had best be a VERY close family friend for several years to tread in this area.

 

Doesn't mean you are wrong.

 

Just saying the family dynamics might not weigh towards appreciation.;)

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

[KatieH]

Okay, before I had dd3 I worked doing supported living, helping mentally and physically disabled adults living in a group home type setting (they all had their own apartments, and a common room). So I have a lot of experience with this.

 

The thing is, disabled adults are adults. Would you tell a normally functioning adult how to comb their hair? To tuck in their shirt? What clothes to sleep in? I can't imagine that most people would ever dream of doing that, yet think it's okay to do it to adults with disabilities. The number one thing stressed in our training was to respect our consumers' rights to make their own decisions (assuming it didn't put the in immediate danger). If he's receiving services, I would bet he has a file of goals that are worked on, and personal appearance is probably on there. That doesn't mean anyone has a right to force him to brush his hair or tuck in his shirt if he doesn't want to. Everything you mentioned, with the exception of hoarding, does not pose a risk to the man. Let it go.

 

Re: hoarding, to an extent that's really subjective. I had consumers who kept very clean homes. I had consumers who kept pretty messy homes. My duty was to help them meet a minimum of cleanliness, the rest was their decision, just like anyone else.

 

There is such a thing as Adult Protective Services, but frankly, I see nothing that warrants interference. Unless he's a family member, I really think this is a MYOB situation.

[KatieH]

I should add, I also have a child with multiple disabilities. A lot of personal care areas are difficult for her, but she tries really hard and she's proud of herself when she can do it, even if it's not perfect. I could see her being the adult you're talking about, and I would be really upset if someone butted in. Chances are this guy has worked really hard to live independently, and his efforts should be commended, not nit picked, you know? I'm sure you mean well, but I just don't think you need to get involved here.

[T Baer]

time. Mother in law was over protective to which she and siblings agree. Mother in law died recently and quite suddenly, shock to all of us. Since then DH and sister-in-law will be his Trustee. They are trying to provide him with more services than mother would allow (?).

I agree that he still needs to be respected and so yes, wisdom is required in discussing these things with him. That will be DH and his sisters responsiblity now. Brother in law does want more out of his life than how he's been living. He open to this and needs direction.

I realize I do have to tread lightly here, but I also realize that there are things that I can't ignore. Pray for me and DH to have wisdom here while he is with us. And for DH and Sister in law to have wisdom as they assume Trusteeship for him. He will have more opportunites than he has had before.

[Maplinmum]

I am just reading Temple Grandin's book, 'Thinking in Pictures' and she talked about how early in her career, colleague's talked to her about her personal care and dress. She didn't like it at the time but she is now grateful that people helped her and the impact this had on her career.

[myfunnybunch]

Look at into your local government agencies for a Developmental Disability agency. They often have funds available for adults with a verified dd diagnosis. (Autism qualifies.) Those funds can be used to pay for a variety of programs, including education and assistance with hygiene. There are also programs to help adults with dd develop other independent living skills, including money management, nutrition, job supports and recreation.

 

HTH.

 

Cat