Overwhelmed

[canadianmomtofour]

Hi everyone, I am new here. I have been lurking for awhile, but this is my first post. This is my third year homeschooling and I still feel like I'm feeling my way in the dark. My oldest really struggles with language, (high functioning autism), and I don't know where my expectations should be. Trying to get this kid to write makes me want to jump off the nearest bridge. He hates the physical act of putting pencil to paper so I have been teaching him to type, but it's a skill that is slow in coming. I have him writing in a journal daily and more often than not, I will find one sentence entries which can easily take him half an hour to write. He is doing a research project for science and needs huge support from me to accomplish it. Unless he has a script to work from, he just doesn't have the language skills to accomplish it on his own. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I am stunting him by offering him so much support and that if I forced the issue he might surprise me? I am looking into speech/language therapy for him again, but I am cringing at the $120+/hr cost.

 

I never feel that I am doing enough and at the same time I am overwhelmed with what I am doing. My 5yo and 2yo never get enough of my time and attention and I am tired of trying to homeschool with toddlers and their never ending need for MOM. Every year I have said to myself that next year will get easier, and then another year goes by and it doesn't! I am only 3 years into this; I don't have the luxury to be burnt out already.

 

Sorry, this is turning into a novel and more of a vent than a question! I guess I'm wondering where my expectations of my kids and myself should be? I often wonder if I am not requiring enough of any of us, but especially my 10yo in grade 5. I need to figure out how to RELAX or I am going to drive us all crazy!

[Night Elf]

I've asked myself those questions during the past 10 years of homeschooling. We have a huge responsibility on our hands and we worry about it. That's normal I would think. :)

 

My ds14 has Aspergers and hates writing. He doesn't type either but I've been trying to get him to learn. He uses a few fingers and types fairly well, but I know he can do so much more if he would learn to touch type. Over the years, I've typed as he has dictated to me. He does math on a dry erase board which he prefers over pencil/paper.

 

He still balks at writing, but surprises himself occasionally. Sometimes I'll suggest a sentence or an idea, but once I type it out he changes it. At least I know he's thinking. I've watched him get better over the years. He's miles ahead at 14 from where he was at 10, so don't give up hope.

 

I've been telling him during this school year (9th grade) that I expect him to be more independent next school year. I don't want to hold his hand through high school. And I'm not talking about guidance and teaching, I'm talking about starting the sentences for him and asking him leading questions to get the rest of the idea out. He has to write a research paper for history. It's so overwhelming to him. I've shown him how to break it into steps and look at just one part at a time. Still, we got frustrated and it was so close to our break that I gave up and decided we'd tackle it again when our break is over. We both really need this good long break. :)

[julikins]

QUOTE]I never feel that I am doing enough and at the same time I am overwhelmed with what I am doing. My 5yo and 2yo never get enough of my time and attention and I am tired of trying to homeschool with toddlers and their never ending need for MOM. Every year I have said to myself that next year will get easier, and then another year goes by and it doesn't! I am only 3 years into this; I don't have the luxury to be burnt out already.[

 

First of all, don't give up! You are doing the very best thing for your child who has high-functioning autism. What would happen to him in a ps situation? BUT, your littles do need you as well. AND, you need to have time for yourself. So, some suggestions--maybe they will be something you can do, or give you different ideas of how to approach it all. (By the way, I'm no expert, just a fellow almost burnt out mom).

 

1. I've found it very good to work with the little one before I work with the older one. It seems to fill their tank and give them something to go on for the rest of the day/morning/hour. However long it lasts. Then, when their tank runs low, take another moment with them and then they'll hopefully be good for alittle while. While you're working with them, give your son some reading or other independent work to do. Keep some independent work set aside for when the littles need attention.

2. Take time for yourself. Reward yourself with something at the end of the day. And keep reminding yourself of that reward throughout the day. It doesn't have to be food but can be a good cup of hot chocolate, maybe 15 minutes in a good book, a bath, doing your nails, a time alone with hubby, or even going to bed early. Look forward to it, you deserve it! I also find it helpful to wake up early in the morning to spend time reading Scripture and praying. I don't know if you are a Christian or not, but it really helps me. We have told the kids that they cannot leave their room before x time (for our family it's 7 a.m.). They have to get dressed, make their bed (and they can go potty then return to their room if need be), then stay in there room and read/play until 7. During that time, I get ready for the day, both spiritually and physically. It really helps.

3. I also find that being pretty strict about my kid's bed time/wake time gives me the time I need alone. I'm a very introverted/extrovert. (what in the world) I love being around people, especially my family, but REALLY NEED MY ALONE TIME! I also have the kids read quietly for 1/2 hr to 1 hr after lunch. That way I can get something done or lay down when I'm not feeling well/tuckered out.

 

I can't address your situation with your son because I don't have experience in that area, but I have struggled, especially this year, with being burnt out. And have realized that I wasn't taking care of myself and was feeling like I was neglecting my little k'er. These have been the trick for me! Hope this helps spark some hope for you.

[heart'sjoy]

3 years is an accomplishment.:)

 

I haven't BTDT, but I sure enjoy reading the creative solutions mom's of large families use. I've also read some good ideas on previous threads on Mom's with toddlers.

 

What helped so much, when I had ages 3,5,7, was quiet time every afternoon and schooling year round with smaller breaks 2-4 weeks where it suited us. The 3 year old would usually sleep, the five year old had to play in a room alone for 1-2hours, the 7 year old sometimes had a special project, or something that required a quiet house but not every day. 2-3 times a week I tried to take 30-45 minutes alone myself.

 

Also with toddlers, I usually had one day a week scheduled morning only or none, just to get a trip to the grocery and maybe the library in. We still eat lunch in the car on the way home from the grocery. Lunch is whatever is a good buy at the grocery's deli. Even so we'd just barely make it home intact, I'd leave the groceries in the car while I put the 3 year old down for quiet time. Then the 5 and 7 year old would help me unload and put groceries away. Sometimes the 5 year old would have to go straight to quiet time too.

 

I've been feeling overwhelmed too. I'm looking at our daily schedule and realizing I need to find 4-5 hours a week during the school day to work on RDI therapy with ds.

 

I made a list a few months ago of little goals I could work on to move this direction. Mine are older now but the concept of "little" would be the same.

 

• ds7 train to wash and dry 4 loads of clothes a week
  
• dd11 plan 2 meals a weak to cook and clean up
  
• ds9 put poems and Bible verses into memory box system so I don't have to schedule them every week.
  
• ds7 start memory box system
  
• dd11 responsible to wake up with alarm clock
  
• myself make a general yearly calendar with those chores I tend to miss like vacuum the air intake filter ( non disposable metal filter)
  

I'm also realizing I'm going to have to move oldest dd to online courses sooner rather than later.

 

I haven't used online with age 6 and 5 other than starfall.com, but just brainstorming ideas I would probably look at an online phonics program. I've looked at explode the code, and click n read phonics, homeschoolbuyerscoop.com might offer these in your area. I might also use either online math like aleks or DOMA along with something more stretching like singpore's math cd rainbow rock (1st -2nd grade), or math from critical thinking company.

 

I've also had to encourage myself that forward progress even at a slower speed than (whatever I'm struggling with comparing to) is progress. It's o.k. if something takes 3 years instead of 1 or two as long as it's moving us toward a high priority goal. I look at goals twice a year while doing school 1/2 a day for a week.

 

 

 

I hear you about therapy cost; RDI is about 60$ an hour. But I'm not losing school time for traveling because we're doing it long distance. RDI is happening via: skype, video recording, and online webinars to train hubby and I to do the therapy. These are hard decisions to make.:grouphug:

[KathyBC]

Elisha, in what province are you located? I'm wondering if there might be funding available for your oldest, though I suppose if there were you would have already looked into it.

[Little Nyssa]

Hi! I have been hsing for much shorter than you, but here is a link to a page I have found helpful for arranging things for the littles to do while you hs the older ones:

 

http://mothersruleoflife.com/free/ActivitiesforLittleones.pdf

[Caryl]

It is really hard to homeschool with toddlers!

 

We're just out of that stage, as my youngest (of 7) is 5 and does "school."

 

Here's a few things that worked for my. YMMV!

 

1. Toddlers first. If I spend the first hour of school with the youngers, they tend to have their fill of Mom for a bit, and will play more independently.

 

2. Have special toys the toddlers get to play with only during intensive school time.

 

3. Pair older siblings with littles to free up your time to work with other older siblings. If it's a nice day, they go outside.

 

4. Have a schedule. Things run more smoothly when everyone has a rhythm to the day and knows what is coming up next.

 

The good thing about this stage...is that it ends.

[ktgrok]

First, go to the peace hill press website and download the elementary school writing lecture. You will feel SOOOOO much better after listening to i, I promise. It's totall worth the 4 dollars to download. It will give you developmentally appropriate step by step instructions on how to teach writing. Forget your son's age and just start at the beginning. Journal writing is NOT how to make a good writer. Kids, especially boys, and especially kids on the spectrum really struggle to free write at that age. I know my son (probably on the spectrum) was frustrating me to no end. I was very dismayed with his abilities until I listened to that lecture. It totally changed my outlook!!!

 

HUGS!