Unmotivated smart teen...

[Stillwood]

:confused:My daughter made perfect grades in homeschool, coops,and her dual enroll classes at college (7 classes, so far). We home schooled in a gentle fashion, no pushing. I enrolled her in writing classes, three, where she received perfect grades including essays. She was the top of her co-op classes, including SAT studies. So, obviously, school is easy for her, probably too easy. Now she won't take the PSAT, SATs, or ACTs.

Her Community College even sent her a letter encouraging her to take Honor's classes but she doesn't want to take them. I know that she has trouble fitting in. She is quite pretty, but most guys aren't interested. Her best friend is 17 and hasn't finished 9th grade in homeschooling, so we're worried that this friendship is dragging her down. If she takes honor's classes, she'll find folks more like herself and may develop an interest in school & start making friends.

 

She wants to work part time so perhaps this will be a reality check for her. We've tried to get her to visit some universities, not interested. By the way, she is 16.

Edited October 27, 2010 by Stillwood

[Anne]

Does she say why she won't take the tests?

 

Is she able to articulate any goals at all?

 

If she says she "just wants to work", then perhaps a quick Personal Economics course is in order. Have her figure out how much she might be able to earn with her high school education, what her take-home pay would be, how much an apartment would cost, car, food, etc., etc. That may expand her perspective.

 

If she has non-traditional goals (gap year, missionary work, apprenticeships, etc.), then she's got something to build on and work towards.

 

It is not unusual for a 16 yo to have mixed feelings about these "adult" type milestones - growing up is hard!!

 

About the PSATs, SATs, etc., if you can help her see that they are really just about keeping her options open rather than a commitment to anything, that might help.

 

College visits - one of mine was very unenthusiastic about college until I dragged her (almost literally!!!:tongue_smilie:) on a few. Then she began to have her own vision of what her college experience could be, and that made all the difference.

 

Hope this is helpful - this can be such a difficult age with our daughters!!

 

Anne

[Miss Marple]

:confused:My daughter made perfect grades in homeschool, coops,and her dual enroll classes at college (7 classes, so far). We home schooled in a gentle fashion, no pushing. I enrolled her in writing classes, three, where she received perfect grades including essays. She was the top of her co-op classes, including SAT studies. So, obviously, school is easy for her, probably too easy. Now she won't take the PSAT, SATs, or ACTs.

Her Community College even sent her a letter encouraging her to take Honor's classes but she doesn't want to take them. I know that she has trouble fitting in. She is quite pretty, but most guys aren't interested. Her best friend is 17 and hasn't finished 9th grade in homeschooling, so we're worried that this friendship is dragging her down. If she takes honor's classes, she'll find folks more like herself and may develop an interest in school & start making friends.

 

She wants to work part time so perhaps this will be a reality check for her. We've tried to get her to visit some universities, not interested. By the way, she is 16.

 

While I allow my teens to have some input into their homeschool experience, I am ultimately in charge. It is my name that will certify that they have completed their high school education. So, for me, there are non- negotiable aspects to schooling. I require that my sons take standardized tests of some sort each hear in high school. I, with some input on their part, pick their coursework in their concurrent courses.

 

My sons all have very part time jobs. But they cannot have these jobs if they do not do their main job which, IMO, is school.

 

FWIW, we discontinued our co-op enrollment because my boys were becoming rather complacent about their education. Co-op was easy, the other students were not very interested in their education (neither were their parents) and I could see that my dss were not being encouraged to do better than mediocre work. Things seem better this year.

 

I don't know what type of family dynamics you are dealing with, but if you have a good relationship with your daughter, I think you should set some educational goals for her, and, with her input, work at achieving those goals.

[MommyThrice]

I suddenly realized I was spending all my time studying and playing in the orchestra while other people were "developing their lives." It wasn't that I wanted more time to just goof off, but I realized that I had not taken the time to make myself interesting. So, I learned to scuba-dive, ski, canoe, etc... I needed to feel more well-rounded; like I had something to offer.

 

For me, getting a job was not a good thing. I was surrounded by under-achievers at most jobs, which was not motivational. Now my summer internships in a professional environment were completely the opposite. There, I saw what I wanted to work towards.

 

That's just my experience. I wasn't exactly pursuing academic excellence, but it did keep me motivated to achieve new things. I never became lazy or hung out with the wrong crowd. I think choosing peers wisely is critical!!!

[Stillwood]

She fell in love 18 months ago, a summer romance. It seemed mutual, then the boy went back to school and found another girl almost immediately. DD was broken hearted. We thought she was over the pain, but perhaps not.

 

Love the idea of the economics course. A dose of reality. If she does not help toward her education (scholarships, SATs, etc.) then she needs to save 1/2 of her earnings for college. Her grandfather gave her an SUV that he wasn't using... uses a lot of gas:auto: which I don't want to be funding...unless it is for school.

[Lori D.]

Love the idea of the economics course.

 

 

I HIGHLY recommend making the Dave Ramsey Foundations for Personal Finance DVD/workbook set a part of ANY economics course -- fantastic, specific, realistic information on debt, credit, budgets, savings, investment, retirement, etc. We're using this high school version.

 

 

re: SAT, ACT, PSAT tests

 

Frankly, I made it clear to our DSs that these are NOT optional -- they DO take them, even though they hate to. Too bad. I need the confirmation to see if there is any area we should be addressing, plus any post high school institution is going to want those scores to confirm our homeschool grades. And then, of course, higher range scores make you eligible for scholarship funds and certain colleges.

 

I had them go through some test prep (2 hour DVD set, plus the College Board's big blue book on taking the SAT), and then do 2 of the SAT tests in the big blue book to get comfortable.

 

 

re: depression

This is very common in teens, often having more to do with changing body and hormones rather than emotional events. To minimize depression (and I am speaking out of personal experience!):

 

- regular aerobic exercise that gets the heart rate up for 30-40 minutes, 3-4x/week; I find swimming laps works best for me, because it also encourages deep breathing -- sitting for long periods can often constrict air intake and deprive the brain of oxygen, which can be a physiological cause of depression

- take a good multi-vitamin that is heavy on the B-complex (the B vitamins reduce depression and anxiety)

- get enough (but not too much) sleep at appropriate hours (in other words, don't oversleep -- 12 hours a day -- and don't be trying to sleep from 3am to noon, but rather a good 8 hours, from approximately 10pm-6 or 7am)

- get out and volunteer regularly -- focus on helping other people rather than on yourself; teens have a tendency to get WAAYY self-focused, which can lead to depression

- if a specific event or series of events triggered depression, then seek a good counselor to work through the specific event and help you learn good coping mechanisms

[katilac]

 

re: SAT, ACT, PSAT tests

 

Frankly, I made it clear to our DSs that these are NOT optional -- they DO take them, even though they hate to.

 

:iagree:

 

These will not be optional for my kids. Yes, of course you can't force them to do well, but I find that most high achieving kids have great difficulty 'throwing a fight,' so to speak. And if she does do poorly on purpose, well, that's her deal, you've done your part.