Is not getting any better. ...

[kwickimom]

Yes, I have made it clear that we WILL Finish this year of HS'ng. I have made it clear that we WILL get the folder work done if we have to work through the weekend.

I have taken tv and everything away for today ( and maybe longer!)

So many distractions dont help , i know this.. however she does have a major problem with listening to me, period. I know its my own fault for being to easy in the past.. but as single parent sometimes its just easier that way.. However thats no excuse and I know I need to set that straight now! or it will only get worse.

Sooo all the favorite things are disappearing fast & furiously ! ;)

just trying to keep my cool during this process. :glare:

 

:grouphug: I cant imagine having to train them later in life. I am glad I did it from minute one. I hope that someone who has actually done retraining chimes in. I can only imagine it will be way harder! I have 2 friends that have only children that they had been really easy on and they are trying to crack down and I see how hard it is for them. I hope and pray that she catches on quickly, I know its not fun being mean mommy, but in the long run it is for the better. hang in there!

[5LittleMonkeys]

So today is wed and its almost worse then it was monday. After we took Mon off had our discussion etc.. then yesterday we started the day .. she did LA in bed.. fine.. Then we did art and she made a fabulous clay pot..

 

then my mom fell I ended up spending the day in the ER with her so we didnt get any work done.

 

Now Im trying to get her to do a lesson in Math (division) and she will not even try. and comes up with excuses headache etc..

and " its just too hard so im not doing it!"

 

Im not asking her to do a 100 questions. I was doing them with her step by step wont even look or try to pay attention.

 

Its not a lot of work, im just touching on the basics and then its fun stuff.. she just doesnt want to do anything !!!

i cant just let her do nothing.. because she would be in front of the tv all day.

 

I posted previously that you might want to include her in all of your planning to help her feel she has a little control over her schoolwork. I'm going to revise that and say that maybe the problem is that she has too much control. You might want to read the thread about cheerful obedience and the parenting boot camp one.

 

First, I would get rid of the tv all together until she has shown consistently for at least a month that she can be cooperative and respectful. If it is too much of a temptation, remove it if possible or at least cancel the cable. Once we got rid of the tv it was amazing to me how much more cooperative my dc became.

 

Second, if you don't already, lay out a very structured schedule for her. Math from x time to y time. Grammar from y time to z time. Once you have the schedule laid out show it too her and tell her that there will be no arguing on your end about it. You are right for remembering to keep your cool. Don't give her a 'show' of your emotions. When she sits down to do math but refuses to do it then get up, tell her that you can see she is very frustrated and that you can tell it is hard for her but that you can't help her learn unless she is respectful and cooperative, tell her to call you back when she is ready to be cooperative and respectful. Do not engage in anymore conversation with her about it unless she tells you she is ready to try again. Ignore her. If she gets out of control, send her to her room. Show her that you will not accept anything less than respectful discussion about her frustrations and cooperative behavior. Once math time is up tell her it is time to move onto grammar (or whatever). Explain that every lesson she refuses to do will become the next days lesson and that at some point she will have to do school on the weekends and during the summer to finish her grade level.

 

Third, I would probably get really stingy with the fun activities, at least until she starts earning them. Do all of your 'must do' school in the morning and any fun activities will be for the afternoon but contingent upon a productive morning. In my house it would be an all or nothing plan. You do all of your morning work or their will be no fun activities. But I'm mean that way.:D If she doesn't do her morning work then she can spend the afternoon alone in her room with some books until school time is over.

 

All of the above is contingent upon whether or not the problem isn't your curricula or some other factor. Many times refusal to do the work could truly be because it is too hard (past concepts haven't been mastered or too many gaps) or sometimes because it is too easy. The curricula could also be a bad fit for your dd's learning style. If however, the curricula is well suited to your dd, their are no ld issues, she's well fed, well rested and home live is stable and fairly happy then I would think it is just a behavior issue.

 

:grouphug: to you while you try to work things out. Keep us posted and we will keep trying to come up with other suggestions or plans. You may have to try many different methods until you find something that will work for you. Hang in there!

[Maddysmom26]

:grouphug: I cant imagine having to train them later in life. I am glad I did it from minute one. I hope that someone who has actually done retraining chimes in. I can only imagine it will be way harder! I have 2 friends that have only children that they had been really easy on and they are trying to crack down and I see how hard it is for them. I hope and pray that she catches on quickly, I know its not fun being mean mommy, but in the long run it is for the better. hang in there!

 

It wasnt always this way. She was such a good child and always listened.. and I hate to blame PS, but that is when the change happened. & It was probably at that point that i was easier on her.

But anyway.. shes such a funny kid, because one second she can soo bad.. then the next she knows what she was doing was wrong and then shes like complete oopposite and too good.. :001_huh:

Im waiting for those too good moments to become consistantly one.. haha..

 

THis after noon was much better & we did get a lot accomplished :D I had to leave her & wait for to return in a "ready" mood.

[elegantlion]

IMO if you just send her off to ps she will not have learned a lesson. She will think she can get what she wants. If it were me I would tell my DD we are completing a year of school NO MATTER WHAT. If it takes all year PLUS an entire summer so be it. If it takes weekends and evenings SO BE IT. In the meantime no privileges unless a day of work is completed to my satisfaction. PS would absolutely not be an option until she completed an entire year of my homeschool.

 

:grouphug: :iagree: Sounds like some of this is not just school, it's the hard part of parenting colliding with homeschooling.

 

My ds would rather be on the computer or watch TV all day too. He's finally learning to enjoy some subjects this year and he's fairly compliant, but he's pushed my buttons in the past.

 

I'd unplug the TV and allow it back on after schoolwork is all completed. I haven't read everything, but I would make an assignment book for her to see what needs to be done, you may already do that.

 

I would also make some quiet time after school. I don't know what your work schedule is, but take at least an hour where she goes to her room with no TV, computer, games, whatever and you get to do something relaxing.

 

I love my son dearly but after school I need an hour or two to just chill. he wants to get out of my face too.

 

:grouphug: I hope you can see glimmers of hope in each day.

[Maddysmom26]

:grouphug: :iagree: Sounds like some of this is not just school, it's the hard part of parenting colliding with homeschooling.

 

My ds would rather be on the computer or watch TV all day too. He's finally learning to enjoy some subjects this year and he's fairly compliant, but he's pushed my buttons in the past.

 

I'd unplug the TV and allow it back on after schoolwork is all completed. I haven't read everything, but I would make an assignment book for her to see what needs to be done, you may already do that.

 

I would also make some quiet time after school. I don't know what your work schedule is, but take at least an hour where she goes to her room with no TV, computer, games, whatever and you get to do something relaxing.

 

I love my son dearly but after school I need an hour or two to just chill. he wants to get out of my face too.

 

:grouphug: I hope you can see glimmers of hope in each day.

 

She definately needs the quiet time and so do I! We try to do this but

I think today we both realized and she finally told me she prefers to do her harder work in the afternoons.. Because shes just not a Morning person! and... :iagree: soo there fore maybe quiet time needs to be mid morning..

 

actually we got quite a bit done this afternoon. and at bed time we read from her Science book. (so she can now do the review sheets w/out me)

 

So we are switching up the routine yet agaain..

 

Oh and she did play a math game on the computer today for quite awhile, and I think I see a tiny glimmer of hope that shes "getting" the concept of dividing ! ;)

So once again I remind myself why I chose this journey oh..and ..to keep my cool and take it day by day!

 

THank you all for your support, Its sooo helpful!! :grouphug:

[Jean in Newcastle]

Yup, in those immortal homeschooling words, "It's a marathon, not a sprint." You're doing fine. She just needs some boundaries laid out, you both need to find what works best for you and you need to relax!

[Colleen in NS]

She definately needs the quiet time and so do I! ...she finally told me she prefers to do her harder work in the afternoons.. Because shes just not a Morning person! and... :iagree: soo there fore maybe quiet time needs to be mid morning..

 

So we are switching up the routine yet agaain..

 

 

 

Chiming in here with a "Hang in there, Momma!"

 

Hang in there, stay strong, have confidence in your decisions as her MOTHER, and don't let her stubbornness deter you from what you think is best for her. And BTW, sure, it could partly be p.s., but it could also be her age.

 

hth!

Edited October 1, 2010 by Colleen in NS

[Pretty in Pink]

I'm glad that your afternoon went well! Hang in there. And I'll second or third the quiet time suggestion. I find it crucial, especially for my ds12. He needs that time to decompress each day as much, if not more, than I do.

[texasmama]

I also want to add that it takes a GOOD year, maybe two, for you to find your groove. You will learn which curriculum choices you like, which you want to change. You will find things for your kids to do with other homeschool kids. Your kids will likely learn to like homeschooling.

 

I had to pull my social butterfly out of school (I've been homeschooling for 12 years but put kids in school for a time) and she was VERY sad. She was happy to spend more time with me, but she really missed school and her friends. She LOVES hs now.

 

I would try rewards. I remember with my boys we had a treat jar that they could pull something out of at the end of a GOOD day. On bad days, I had NO tolerance for a child who wouldn't do their work. They sat at the kitchen table until work was done, PERIOD. They QUICKLY learned that if they focus, not fool around TOO much (we DO want to allow funtime and joy), and do a good job, the rest of the day was theirs to do as they chose. The issue of not doing a good job on their work was resolved almost immediately.

 

I also had a chore chart and school work was on that chart. We used this to determine bed time. We added bonus minutes for something being done (can't think of an example) and took away minutes for other things. The first day we did this my boys went to bed at 6:00 p.m. Since dinner wasn't made, peanut butter sandwiches and milk was what they ate and went to bed. After that, they did an amazing job on getting ALL their work and chores done, and regularly added bonus minutes to their bed time. This, by far, was the most successful strategy I ever used to get my kids to do their work and chores. Honestly, though, they learned QUICKLY to finish their work so they could go play.

 

Your kids need to learn that school work is not optional, and they need to do this first before they can add anything else to their day.

 

This! I had a marble jar with my boys during our first year of hs'ing. When they filled it, they each got to pick a betta fish. It was a positive way to encourage schoolwork cooperation. When they cooperated, they got marbles. The beginning of each year is still a bit of an adjustment, but this fall started pretty seamlessly. This is our third year.:001_smile: Give it time. It is a big adjustment for everyone.:grouphug:

[Maddysmom26]

Chiming in here with a "Hang in there, Momma!"

 

Hang in there, stay strong, have confidence in your decisions as her MOTHER, and don't let her stubbornness deter you from what you think is best for her. And BTW, sure, it could partly be p.s., but it could also be her age.

 

hth!

 

 

Thanks! Oh yes I'm sure part of it is the new double digit age! ;)

 

She Suddenly became an expert and know it all on every topic! :lol:

[elegantlion]

She definately needs the quiet time and so do I! We try to do this but

I think today we both realized and she finally told me she prefers to do her harder work in the afternoons.. Because shes just not a Morning person! and... :iagree: soo there fore maybe quiet time needs to be mid morning..

 

actually we got quite a bit done this afternoon. and at bed time we read from her Science book. (so she can now do the review sheets w/out me)

 

So we are switching up the routine yet agaain..

 

 

 

We aren't morning people either. My ds is going through a growth spurt again and slept until 9:30. He goes to bed at 10pm, so that's almost 12 hours of sleep. :001_huh:

 

I think with one child sometimes we have to compromise more. This is our 7th year homeschooling and I want my son to enjoy the experience so he does get a lot of say in how we school. He was born opinionated and a negotiator and frankly some days it just wasn't worth the fight. I keep reminding myself that the ability to negotiate is a good thing in an adult. I also realize learning to obey authority figures is another, so we work on balance.

 

We had a long discussion last year about study habits and our productive time of the day. I believe we all have certain "productive hours" during the day and they can be different for everyone. Mine are generally between 9am and 1pm. My dh has early hours like from 5am to 9am. After much serious discussion my ds pinned his productive hours between 11am and 3pm. That's pretty much true. He does his best work during those hours.

 

I also believe that once you step outside the school system tradition you find that you have to challenge your beliefs about how to educate. Does school have to take place from 8am to 3pm? No, it doesn't. But is it part of my goal to teach my child how to manage time? Is it a weakness of mine to delay something or put it off? If we don't start school at 8, will my weakness allow us to skip parts of school to get done by 3?

 

Does school have to take so long? ...anyway, these are some of the questions I've had to ask myself. There's a whole list of other nagging questions and changed perspectives I've gained since begin homeschooling.

 

Hang in there. I found that once I answered some of those questions for myself it was easier to find the compromise and solution for my student. I was making decisions based upon MY convictions and goals.

[m0mmaBuck]

Last year was my first year of HS'ing... Actually we started midway through 2nd grade. Anyway, this year is going better than last year, in part because I tweaked our curriculum but also in part due to a change in how we do things overall. I dumped CLE LA for R&S, Harcourt Spelling for SWO, and CLE penmanship for Draw Write Now and copywork, all of which are better fits for DS. Instead of saying "read for 30 mins" I assign a certain number of chapters (and while I try to make sure it's 30 mins of reading, he is less resistant the the idea because there is a tangible end in sight). I also try to spend 30 min or less per topic at one time. If the lesson is longer, I have him do the teacher-involved things first and then he can do the rest as homework. Again, he does school for the same length of time but he feels like it is over when I release him to do his homework.

 

A few more things that might help you:

-No screen time until school is over. If I'm showing a DVD for science or history, it's the last thing we do that day. No video games, TV, or computer time during breaks or before school for anyone.

-Games!!!! Play games during school time. Things like Math Wars, Math Bingo, Sum Swamp, Labyrinth, Sleeping Queens, Yahtzee, Math Dice, Scrabble, Boggle, Monopoly, Scrambled States, Memory, Walk the Dog, puzzles, and Think Fun logic games. The kids have fun and learn at the same time. It feels more like family time than school and DS really appreciates that.

-My kids love to color. They color corresponding pictures while I read from the Bible, SOTW, and Science materials. If they are still coloring, I read a related book or a short story (something from Just So Stories or a Fairy Tale or whatever).

-Exercise breaks! When they get frustrated we get up and do something silly (Flamingo Stand, Ostrich Run, Crab Walk, Simon Says).

-Free days! One of the best things about homeschooling is being able to take time off when you need it. I love to surprise DS with a light or free day. Last Friday I had him take his spelling and math quizzes and then told him he was done for the day. You should have seen how happy he was! We spent the morning hanging out and the afternoon at the Children's Museum.

-Field trips!!!! Don't forget to get out of your house! Parks, museums, zoos, libraries, the State Capitol, local farms, pumpkin patch, Farmer's Markets... even Barnes and Noble or PetCo can be great places to learn away from the house.

-Incentive jar: I haven't had to pull this one out this year, but last year I would buy a small (under 100 pc) box of Legos and dump it into a jar. Each day, DS could earn up to 5 pieces (for doing work without complaining, being good to his sister, doing his chores). Poor behavior would reduce the number he could acquire. When he earned all the pieces, he got the toy.