cin Posted September 23, 2010 Share Posted September 23, 2010 Originally Posted by RoughCollie Frankly, I teach our children not to learn from his example. Otherwise, the children will think that it is normal for men not to participate in family life, household chores, financial management, and yard work. This is what DH grew up with, and he has learned to be just the opposite. He and his dad were best buddies (His dad was the Best Man at our wedding!) BUT....His dad worked LONG hours and his mom, who grew up as a farm girl/sharecropper, was the perfect wife. She could cook, she chopped wood, dug up the yard (with MY dh) when the drain got messed up. FIL was good as far as repairing stuff around the house and working on the cars. On the weekends, after he worked half a day on Saturday. And family time was usually on Saturday night. DH, on the other hand, is SUPERB. He does whatever needs to be done. If the sink is full of dishes, he loads the dishwasher, if the laundry basket is full, he throws a load into the washer. When the kids are sick, he's there. DD9 has sensory issues, and he has made sure to be with her at the orthodontist appts. He can keep her calm. When the kids awaken in the middle of the night, he takes care of them. (He would have to wake me up to go to them, and then he'd have trouble going back to sleep, so he decided this was the best way). He takes care of all the bills (after I bounced 2 checks) and does most of the phone calls. He also gives me evenings off if I want/need one. And most Saturdays I'm 'out' until about 4:00. My oldest daughter has some sensory and anxiety issues, and is mildly aspie, so taking time out for me is almost a necessity. And the biggest and bestest....he works and provides me the convenience of staying home and homeschooling our daughters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted September 23, 2010 Share Posted September 23, 2010 my dh has a servant't heart. He loves to serve me in any way. He feeds the barn animals in the morning before work because I have sleep issues. He helps cook and clean. He just built me a chicken coop. He has spent countless hours erecting fences for animals to help a situation. He never complains with the extra work my farm makes. He never holds it against me or gets angry at me because I wanted to adopt, and our a-child has severe behavioral/attachment issues which seriously affect each of us in the family. He waits at the door for me when I'm shopping so he can see me drive down the driveway and then help me unload my car. He is taking off two days per month so I can go to my homeschool group with my older dd and have the freedom to converse and not be on high alert for behavioral issues with younger dd. (ds's are no longer homeschooled and one is in college) He loves to bring me coffee and breakfast in bed on Saturday. Oh, I could go on and on. He's not perfect, but he's a rare gem. :001_wub: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babysparkler Posted September 23, 2010 Share Posted September 23, 2010 How do you do this? My dh will not participate in anything either, and I don't want my sons to follow his example or my daughters to marry someone like this. I don't want to be negative about him to the kids, but I find it difficult to strike a balance between letting them know their dad's attitude toward family life is not normal and maintaining their love and respect for him. Same here... I wonder this too. I try to keep the kids all involved in the life of the family so that it becomes a habit for them even though Daddy isn't modeling it. I have talked with them about how Grandma and Grandpa raised him differently that I am raising them... that he didn't have to serve his family, but that he was encouraged to focus on his own agenda... and he never was allowed to do any "housework," get himself his own drinks/food, or encouraged to serve the family in any way other than playing piano for special dinners. (My inlaws have since apologized to me for doing this after seeing how stuck in his ways and self-focused he has become :lol:). The kids know that this is not how they are being raised, and I think they understand why just seeing the burden it puts on the rest of us. They know that I want all of my boys to learn to participate in family life, and they are being trained accordingly. Slowly Dh is learning to become more family-minded watching the kids helping me out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted September 23, 2010 Share Posted September 23, 2010 (edited) . Edited September 23, 2010 by RoughCollie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
extendedforecast Posted September 23, 2010 Share Posted September 23, 2010 My husband prepares lunch and dinner for us. He tries to be creative to get the kids to try new healthy food because he knows it is important to me. He rinses out the dishes after every meal, and he would load the dishwasher too, but I prefer to do it myself. My DH always keeps my gas tank full and my car washed. He helps me load the kids in the car when I'm leaving alone with them. And he does all the grocery shopping as well as kid shopping (I'm not a shopper). He usually bathes my son every day and the baby as needed. He randomly surprises me with flowers, a glass of wine, or a date night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted September 23, 2010 Share Posted September 23, 2010 (edited) . Edited September 23, 2010 by RoughCollie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted September 23, 2010 Share Posted September 23, 2010 I forgot to add a biggie: he gives me intense foot rubs regularly. I have severe foot pain and he regularly rubs them for me. This is one of the sweetest and important things to me. ANYTHING to relieve my pain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaKinVA Posted September 23, 2010 Share Posted September 23, 2010 I know, probably in many ways, but which are the main ones that come to mind? Which are the most meaningful to you? Did he learn this from his dad's example? Or did he want to be different from his dad? What do you think your boys (and girls) are learning from your dh's example? When I'm upset... he's the calm, rational one. When I need a break... he let's me go out. He does things to surprise me... like washing our sheets and cleaning out the freezer, because I was running errands and knew I wasn't going to get to it. He talks to me. He lets me ramble on about meaningless things... He loves me just the way I am. He "gets" my sense of humor -- and thoroughly enjoys when I make funnies (I've been on a roll lately, and I tend to be very serious). He can see the possibilities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AHASRADA Posted September 24, 2010 Share Posted September 24, 2010 My amazing, wonderful husband "serves" me by making my life easier in any way he can. He often asks if I need help, if there is anything I need him to do. He will do dishes, vacuum and fold laundry. If I am exhausted/frustrated trying to stay on top of making sure the kids do their chores or help in preparing for guests, etc., he will take over managing them and make sure all their jobs get done. If I express any stress or tiredness, he simply directs me not to do whatever it is that's bothering me (even if it's making dinner, shopping for groceries, etc.) and assures me he and the kids will take care of it. I normally go ahead and do what needs to be done, because I view these things as my job and necessary, but he never insists/expects that I do anything that I don't feel up to doing or is ruining my mood. He has gone overboard in this regard since I am pregnant, but has always had this accommodating attitude. If I try to insist that certain tasks are my job and my responsibility, he adamantly asserts that we are a team, and that everyone in our household has a responsibility to make sure everything gets done that needs to be done, and frequently reminds me to delegate, to him as well as to the kids. No, he definitely did not learn this from his dad or the men around him. He acts this way purely out of empathy for his fellow man/woman, and the fact that he believes our faith teaches that men should be kind and helpful to their wives and families (a fact which he constantly brings to the attention of the men in his family who fail in this regard). I am truly blessed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted September 24, 2010 Share Posted September 24, 2010 I think it's pretty telling that it was the very first thing that came to mind. He did say, "You're going to scandalize those women." :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadiegirl Posted September 24, 2010 Share Posted September 24, 2010 He earns the money and allows me to stay home with boys. He never says anything about what I pay for my hair...color, cut etc. He encourages me to buy my makeup from Sephora, lingerie from Victoria's Secret and basically whatever I want when it comes to shopping. Mows lawn. Shops for groceries whenever I text him or call him. Brings books home from library or runs any errand when I need him to. Takes us on vacations whenever we can. He is great about most anything. I am a lucky wife and my kids are lucky for he is a great dad as well! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomOfOneFunOne Posted September 24, 2010 Share Posted September 24, 2010 My precious husband handles all the bills, manages my business, fills my gas tank, takes care of my car in every way, calls me to see how I'm doing during the day, mows the lawn, always keeps a home improvement project going (the ones I ask for), with my daughter cleans the kitchen after supper, is always supportive emotionally and every other way, works hard for the family, takes care of me when I'm ill, helps with rearing our daughter, and there is sooooo much more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted September 24, 2010 Share Posted September 24, 2010 I keep scrolling past this thread and reading, "Does your dh deserve you?" :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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