Reasonable expectations--rough and tumble boys

[sbgrace]

My six year olds are driving me nuts lately and I'm not sure what's reasonable. They love to wrestle around (playing here but of course someone might get accidentally hurt to end it all), run down the hall, climb, jump, etc. and they seem naturally loud. They just act wild essentially.

 

I was raised with all sisters. My hubby says boys just have a lot of energy. I'm not sure what is reasonable to expect as far as behavior. We can't do tons of outside right now because of both severe allergies with asthma and heat. But even when we can it seems like they come in just as wild as they go out.

 

I told them early this evening that I wasn't going to have any of the wrestling and running play from that point forward as they get wilder as the day goes on and I'd had it today. One kid spent a lot of time in time out "getting himself together" and I just don't know how to handle this appropriately I guess. Ideally, I'd like them to play like this at certain times and control those urges at other times I guess or channel it or something. I'd like them to do something alternative when, say, the brother doesn't want to play but one kid is in that "mode" for lack of description. You can see it in their eyes! In evenings it's constant it seems and doesn't come under control when it needs to be controlled.

Edited August 17, 2010 by sbgrace

[celticmom]

My dd5 acts this way as well. Sometimes in her case it means that she is tired and needs to sleep. It can also mean that she has not eaten enough. (she would much rather play than eat and getting adequate food into her is an ongoing struggle)

[myfunnybunch]

Hugs. I was raised with only sisters, and I have three rowdy boys. Enjoy the ride, because it is loud and wild and crazy, but SUCH fun! :)

 

My suggestions....

 

1) Read Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys. It was recommended in a past post on this board. I checked it out from the library and it was a good read, particularly the chapter detailing research on how boys are neurologically different from girls and how boy brains work.

 

2) Don't stop them because they might get hurt unless there's a likelihood of serious injury. So they get hurt. DO stop them and redirect their energy if the noise is driving you crazy or you need a minute of peace to think. But if they get a bump or two, they'll be fine and they'll learn to resolve that kind of thing themselves. I've learned that if I step back a bit, heads get bruised or toes get stepped on or fingers get squished, but mostly it turns out okay in the end. And now they all know where the ice packs and Band-Aids are and pretty much take care of the minor stuff themselves. (Oh my, I just re-read that and it sounds like I let them juggle knives or have at it like a pack of wild wolves or something....I don't. I do expect them to be safe, safe as in not going to the ER, and kind and respectful to one another. I also allow them to play physically together without worrying about them getting hurt. LOL)

 

3) Start teaching them self-control, particularly how to settle down. It sounds like it's not the actual wrestling that's the problem, it's that it gets them so excited that they can't calm themselves. Deliberately play games where you control the energy level, ramping them up then helping them settle. It's a handy skill, knowing how to go from silly or crazy to calm. And institute a daily Quiet Time. My boys needed a structured planned time to be separate and quiet. After only a few days they were asking for it, and they still look forward to it every day. I found myself using time outs much less often because they were getting a restful time alone before they got out of control.

 

4) Keep them busy with things to do with their hands and bodies--building, painting, Legos, helping you clean or make dinner, making forts, yoga videos, baking, sensory boxes (playing in rice or sand or beans)....the more you keep them engaged the less time they have to get wild.

 

5) They're six. It will get better, I promise. Around 8-10, they start to turn into these helpful responsible young gentlemen who really want to please you and spend time with you. And if they're already in the habit of cooking and cleaning with you, all the better! Then you can say things like, "Well, if you finish your chores quickly, I'll let you wash the car." ;)

 

And last, time to get as creative as you can to find an outlet for that energy. Indoor playground or open gym times, exercise classes, swimming, morning walks before it gets too hot, something. I can nearly draw a straight line between "My boys are driving me CRAZY!" and "We haven't been very active lately."

 

Hugs. You're doing great. :)

 

Cat

[kmreilly]

Great advice!

 

As the mom of boys, I agree -- it's far more loud, active (and sometimes smelly!) than I remember life growing up with my sister (and one very placid, much younger brother).

[Pamela H in Texas]

I think it is PERFECTLY reasonable to expect them to be calm it down sometimes.

A few ground rules may make it easier for everyone:

 

1) 5 o'clock and it's time to be quieter in the house. No yelling, screaming, running, wrestling, etc. By setting the time, then it's predictable and something they can get used to rather than just being something mom does to them when she gets sick of them.

 

2) When someone says "stop," it means STOP right that second and at least for 10 minutes (can't use stop in order to get out of a mess so you can pummel your brother!). It means "let's go do something else." Stop and No are ALWAYS to be respected!

 

3) Any other rules you think are necessary. I generally don't like too many rules. #2 would have come as just part of a respect thing in our home and #1 would have been a rule I would have instituted for sanity's sake.

 

Additionally, are they part of sports or anything? Seems like a coach running them crazy for an hour or two a few times per week would be nice. Chores would put some of that energy to good use around the house also. But mostly? CHILDREN (boys or girls) *need* hard play several hours per day. I would put up with as much as possible and be thankful that school takes a little time and that it'll cool down outside soon :)

 

You might also add some sensory play. Drawing through clay, textured "playdough," sandbox, swinging, sit-n-spin, crossing mid-line games, water colors as the paper is taped to the underside of the table, cooking (without appliance other than stove/oven to help), etc.

Edited August 17, 2010 by 2J5M9K

[Sophia]

Cat and Pamela have given you great advice.

 

I just wanted you to know you are not alone~my two youngest boys are very physical and have a seemingly endless supply of energy (they have both had visits to the doc for stitches when play got too carried away.)

 

I'm starting to insist on longer periods of quiet storytime, which the 5 y.o.has responded to well, the 4 y.o. not so much:glare:

 

They really need a lot of outside time though. We have spent a lot of time in the pool this summer and I also invested in a month long pass to an indoor jumping facility which was like a high intensity aerobic workout for them, but man, did it help them get their wiggles out!

[Murphy101]

I agree with Pamela.

Run them hard during the day and have basic ground rules.

When it's really hot, I toss them out to play early in the morning, like 6 am early and it sure makes the schooling go smoother the rest of the day.

Worst case, I'll give them some Wii fit time during the witching hours to settle them before dinner. (We don't allow any other Wii or Xbox during the day.)