Perry Posted August 16, 2010 Share Posted August 16, 2010 I was a pretty confident parent until my oldest hit puberty. This child has always been a challenge but we've managed pretty well until recently. Things have gone downhill. I'm seriously in over my head. What are your favorite books for advice on parenting teen girls? I'm also interested in books targeted towards teens themselves. I've read Reviving Ophelia, Queen Bees and Wannabees, Teen Proofing and 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens. They've been helpful, but I'd like other suggestions, especially from a secular perspective. I asked dd to read the 7 Habits book but she is refusing. Says it's boring. :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted August 16, 2010 Share Posted August 16, 2010 What are the issues? I have one teen daughter so far. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted August 16, 2010 Author Share Posted August 16, 2010 What are the issues? I have one teen daughter so far. I'll pm you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted August 16, 2010 Share Posted August 16, 2010 How old is she? I find prepuberty until about age 14 or 15 to be pretty rough but then the remaining years at home have been a real joy with the ones that have made it that far yet. My number one suggestion or piece of advice for dealing with a younger teen is: don't engage. They can't argue with thin air and tizzy fits don't bother you near as much if you aren't there to hear them. As a last resort, you can always duct tape their mouths shut, tie them up, throw them in a closet and hit the liquor. Just joking, at least about the first part. :biggrinjester: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted August 16, 2010 Author Share Posted August 16, 2010 How old is she? I find prepuberty until about age 14 or 15 to be pretty rough but then the remaining years at home have been a real joy with the ones that have made it that far yet. My number one suggestion or piece of advice for dealing with a younger teen is: don't engage. They can't argue with thin air and tizzy fits don't bother you near as much if you aren't there to hear them. As a last resort, you can always duct tape their mouths shut, tie them up, throw them in a closet and hit the liquor. Just joking, at least about the first part. :biggrinjester: She's 16. We actually get along very well. She doesn't argue and isn't rebellious. Let's just say----I'm concerned about character issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted August 16, 2010 Share Posted August 16, 2010 She's 16. We actually get along very well. She doesn't argue and isn't rebellious. Let's just say----I'm concerned about character issues. Oh, this is a bit more difficult for me to advise on as most of mine worked everything out fairly well by then. Is it issues that she will learn to correct from experience on her own without danger of very bad consequences or is it stuff that she really needs to correct to protect her from danger? If you get along well, she is open to listening to you, you have agood idea of the problem and you know where it is you would like to guide her then you really are ahead of the game. I would start with frank conversations regarding areas of concern and if possible real life evidence of how it could have negative effects. My 18 yr. old is giving me some cause for concern right now. She isn't doing anything wrong but she is putting herself in a position where her feelings could really get hurt and the backlash could be even worse. This is mostly due to inexperience with male/female relationships. It is much harder to gently guide her now that she is an adult living on her own. I still haven't figured out quite how to handle this so I can sympathize with having teen concerns you don't know how to manage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted August 16, 2010 Author Share Posted August 16, 2010 Oh, this is a bit more difficult for me to advise on as most of mine worked everything out fairly well by then. Is it issues that she will learn to correct from experience on her own without danger of very bad consequences or is it stuff that she really needs to correct to protect her from danger? If you get along well, she is open to listening to you, you have agood idea of the problem and you know where it is you would like to guide her then you really are ahead of the game. I would start with frank conversations regarding areas of concern and if possible real life evidence of how it could have negative effects. My 18 yr. old is giving me some cause for concern right now. She isn't doing anything wrong but she is putting herself in a position where her feelings could really get hurt and the backlash could be even worse. This is mostly due to inexperience with male/female relationships. It is much harder to gently guide her now that she is an adult living on her own. I still haven't figured out quite how to handle this so I can sympathize with having teen concerns you don't know how to manage. Oh, it's so complicated. I don't think I really understand the problem. I think it is related to a loss of confidence and self respect, although it could simply be a rejection of the values and expectations that she was raised with. It isn't teen age rebellion or drama; I actually think I could handle that, having been an extremely obnoxious and rebellious teen. She's just so different than I was at that age, I just don't really 'get' her, and can't identify with what she's dealing with. Maybe I don't need a book. Maybe we need counseling. I don't know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted August 16, 2010 Share Posted August 16, 2010 I'll pm you. Perry, can you forward me the PM? As you know, I have one challenging one and one easy one (so far). I'll see if any of my experience is applicable at all, if I can. :grouphug: Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted August 16, 2010 Author Share Posted August 16, 2010 Perry, can you forward me the PM? As you know, I have one challenging one and one easy one (so far). I'll see if any of my experience is applicable at all, if I can. :grouphug: Barb Thanks! Sent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted August 16, 2010 Share Posted August 16, 2010 Oh, it's so complicated. I don't think I really understand the problem. I think it is related to a loss of confidence and self respect, although it could simply be a rejection of the values and expectations that she was raised with. It isn't teen age rebellion or drama; I actually think I could handle that, having been an extremely obnoxious and rebellious teen. She's just so different than I was at that age, I just don't really 'get' her, and can't identify with what she's dealing with. Maybe I don't need a book. Maybe we need counseling. I don't know. I can definitely relate to the complicated part. I do know specifically what my concerns with my dd are and what personality issues play into these concerns, but I am not sure exactly what to do about them. These issues have just come into play in the last, say, three months so they are much harder to deal with now that she is an adult living away from home. While I did see the potential for this situation (basically, how to handle her first relationship) to go awry I don't know what I could have done differently to insure a positive outcome (not that I even know that there won't be one). Sometimes being a parent is just hard and many times issues are specific to a particular child in a particular situation so there really isn't one-fits-all advice. Feel free to PM me if you want and I will try to advise if I can. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PygmyShrew Posted August 16, 2010 Share Posted August 16, 2010 Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp is forever applicable from tots to teens. Some other good ones are written by Dr. Kevin Leman. Enter his name on amazon and voila! He's great! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted August 16, 2010 Author Share Posted August 16, 2010 Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp is forever applicable from tots to teens. Some other good ones are written by Dr. Kevin Leman. Enter his name on amazon and voila! He's great! Thanks! My library has these. I'll get them tomorrow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evergreen State Sue Posted August 16, 2010 Share Posted August 16, 2010 How about Bringing Up Girls by Dr. James Dobson? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted August 16, 2010 Share Posted August 16, 2010 How To Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted August 16, 2010 Share Posted August 16, 2010 The Triple Bind Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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