Cultivating Friendships

[Guest Daydreamer]

I'm brand new here so hopefully I'm posting this in the right spot.

 

I've been homeschooling my son N. for a few years now and one of my biggest fears was the socialization aspect, of course the one big fear that everyone else tended to feed into once they found out we were homeschooling. My son is 9.5 and does have some special needs but is generally a very bright, outgoing & friendly boy. However he is an only child, he has no cousins or relatives that live near us, there are no children his age in our neighborhood AND the homeschooling group in our area seems to be extremely casual in meeting up. Not ideal circumstances for cultivating friendships for sure...he does have a few friends but due to schedule constraints they usually only see each other once a month or on special occasions.

 

Whenever we go to the park he never hesitates to strike up a conversation or game with whatever child is there and has never mentioned being lonely etc. I'm a Mom though so of course I worry and have been trying to come up with some ideas or activities that would help him in finding more friends.

 

Thanks to anyone who made it all the way through and has any suggestions or has been in a similar situation :)

[dm379]

Is he interested in boy scouts? Martial arts? Sports? Or maybe he could invite a kid from the park over for a playdate? Or arrange to meet at the park again at a certain time.

[Guest Daydreamer]

We have rotated through a variety of extra curricular activities but none that he has been truly passionate about. Truthfully most of the time it seems like he tended to socialize more with the coach/instructor and be more caught up in the activity or game then socializing with his peers.

[Peela]

Perhaps no need to worry if he hasn't made a fuss about it yet? And when he does...just be available to work out a plan with him...such as a class he might not have valued for it's social aspect before.

For us it has been an issue we have had to look at regularly, but my kids complain loudly if they dont have enough social time or situations.

I have travelled far and wide to make sure my kids got to meet up with other homeschooling kids- a couple of weekends ago my teens were invited to a homeschool clean teen non alcohol party for an 18yo friend, and I drove the hour each way twice that evening- 4 hours total. My son's best friend (who is now at school but they are still friends) lives 90 minutes away in the country...they became friends at various homeschool classes they were both at over the years, but since then, us mums meet halfway most holidays, and she had my son for a full week last holdiays.

Just saying so you dont think its always convenient to socialise with other homeschoolers :) But if your son isn't complaining and he can strike up a conversation in a park and has some friends he sees sometimes....well, there may not be a problem. And if when he is 12 he is lonely...your situaiton might have changed and you can look at how to deal with it.

[Rosie_0801]

Some kids are just like that, I think, and it may not occur to them to mind until someone tells them they shouldn't be that way.

 

Rosie

[Mom0012]

Have you tried boy scouts? If he was seeing a regular group of boys and hit it off with one of them, you could invite them over and help to try to develop the friendship.

 

I find both of my kids do well with other children, but in order for them to really have friends, I have got to get involved by approaching the mom and arranging times for the child to come over. We live in a somewhat rural area, so they can't just run out the door and find other children to play with. Often, it never gets reciprocateed, but I just keep putting out the invitations and generally, the kids come over and both of my children have a few good friends. Over the years, a couple of the moms did reciprocate and those are the children my kids have become close with because they see them on a regular basis.

 

Without me making these arrangements, they wouldn't have any friends because most people do not make the effort to try to develop the friendship. I have found as my son is getting older, kids are asking for his number and they are reaching out to him themselves, but that has been very recent.

 

Lisa