Am I in denial?

[ciyates]

My father is a diabetic who has been off his insulin (by his own choice) for over a year. The last few months he hasn't behaved normally (he is very mean, sullen etc). My sister called me on Friday and said he had an infection in his foot and would not go to the doctor. I called (we live 800 miles away) and tried to get him to go on Friday and Saturday. Sunday he became very ill including blacking out and my sister was finally able to get him to the hospital. He is in ICU now. He had surgery on his foot Monday in an attempt to save his leg. His sugar ranges from 350-400. We should know in a few days if he will be able to save his leg or not. He is throwing up blood. I know he is very ill and I do realize the seriousness of this. But frankly I want to stop talking about it. I want to get updates from my sister on his condition but I don't want to have to rehash everything with the family/church/friends. I am not pretending it isn't happening. I call several times a day to check on him and my sister and I have a long term plan sorta worked out. But other than that I am done with discussing it. I know I am angry with him and my mother (she kept telling him he was faking it and his foot looked better :confused: ) I don't want to go home right now because there is nothing I can do. I can only see him for a few minutes a day. I don't have the money to fly home multiple times so when I do go I need to be able to accomplish something. I realize I am being very practical (which is not like me at all :001_smile: ). My DH thinks I may be in denial about what is going on. I disagree because I realize there is a possibility he will not make it through all of this. I have never lost someone close to me. Am I in denial?

[Murphy101]

I don't think so...

 

Why do they think you are in denial?

 

Just because you don't want to talk about it constantly? I wouldn't either. If for no other reason than it's not anyone else's business. And there really isn't anything you can do about it. Were you close to him? Some people think that suddenly parents get elderly and miraculously develop a close bond, but THAT is denial.

:grouphug:

[Gooblink]

I wouldn't call it denial. There's really only so much you can do and fretting over his health from 800 miles away isn't going to change anything for him. :grouphug: I understand your frustration with him for not managing his diabetes. It sounds like your father has been the one in denial in refusing his treatment. I pray he pulls through this and will follow the doctors orders - diabetes sucks, I know, but it's completely manageable.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Not denial but realistic. I can sense your frustration with knowing what he should have been doing but knowing that you couldn't make him do it. And knowing that even if you were there it wouldn't make a difference.

[Barry Goldwater]

...you are coping very admirably and practically with a very sad and troubling situation. All the bases are covered (he's at the hospital, he's getting the critical treatment he needs, your sister & mom are close by, you are up-to-date and checking in regularly with him). You don't have to dwell on it 24/7 if you don't want to.

 

That expression of 'denial' is a psychological term that people throw around entirely too much...IMHO.

[lllll]

..

[Mejane]

:iagree:When my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, I refused to talk about him dying. I just kept busy taking care of him. My brother thought we should all admit to the fact that he was dying. We had a huge fight because I didn't appreciate him telling me how to handle my emotions, and I didn't speak to him for a year after Dad died. I guess I was in denial that my brother could be such an *ss. ;)

 

Do what feels right to you and gets you through. Help in whatever way you can. Take it day by day. :grouphug:

[Alyce]

He had been admitted to the hospital for a light stroke. He was doing better and we were trying to get him admitted to rehab. I decided not to go because sister assured me everything was going fine. Two days later he died. I never go to say goodbye or see him for the last time. That has haunted me for the last year. Please don't make a mistake. This is serious and you may never get to see him again. If it were me I'd go see him. At least that way you will have seen him for yourself and if something were to happen you would have been there and seen him. Please don't make my mistake. Having an infection in the leg of a diabetic is extremely serious and it could very likely kill him. I have seen many people die from the complications of this. Please go see him at least once. If he survives at least you won't have to live with the guilt that will come.