Dealing with Loss

[susancollins]

I am having a hard time attending my small group at church because most of the moms are pregnant. I recently had a molar pregnancy. I was told I should wait a year before trying to get pregnant again. I am truly happy for everyone and their pregnancies. I have gotten them gifts and have been supportive. I still feel a lump in my throat and stomach when I see babies and get emotional. I was wondering how long this last and does anyone have any recommendations. I have read books, talked with God even asking him to take away my want for another child until I can concieve again. I have heard many different time periods for trying again with a molar pregnancy some say 6 months and some 12 months. What is the norm. Thanks Susan

[fairfarmhand]

awww...I'm so sorry. I had a miscarriage after trying for 2 years to conceive. It seemed like everywhere I went during that time EVERYONE either was pregnant or had an infant.

 

So Here

:grouphug:

 

I found that I just had to push on anyway. I'd go to baby showers and cry in the bathroom. Then I'd paste a big fake smile on my face and join the party.

 

I don't know if that is healthy or not. but that is what I did.

 

Praying that you will be comforted in this time and when the time is right you will have a healthy baby.

 

 

ETA:

 

Remember all those ladies in the Bible who LONGED for a child? God knew their pain. He recognized it and wanted them to pour their hearts out to him. That's what he wants. I found that I learned more about God's heart when I was hurting than in the "smooth sailing" times in my life.

Edited June 13, 2010 by fairfarmhand

[Quiver0f10]

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. :grouphug: You will be in my prayers. If you want, PM me and I can give you some infomation I gathered when I went through a molar last year.

[TracyP]

I had a molar after baby #1. There is not much I can say accept I understand your pain and have sent out a prayer for you. Even my dh couldn't exactly understand the whirlwind of emotion that came with it all. I don't think I felt completely better until I was about 20 weeks with my next pregnancy but it will get slightly better all the time.

 

I have had 4 more pregnancies w/o a problem. The fear is there every time but (thank God) your odds of a repeat are really low. I waited 3 months. I had one Dr. tell me I had to wait a year. Another said 3 periods would ensure that the mole could not be regrowing. That made sense to me and that is the advice I chose to listen to. I would hate to give bad medical advice so understand that I am no expert. I too would discuss it further if you wanted to. I had never heard of a molar when it happened and until right now have never known anyone else with one and that in itself can be very hard.

 

I will be praying for you.:grouphug:

[Denisemomof4]

:grouphug: I don't know how long you should wait, but I waited about a year after a miscarriage before I tried again. I wanted to wait the full time period suggested because I couldn't go through the trauma again.

 

I'm sorry for your loss and sadness. I got pregnant at the same time a close friend of mine did. I was very supportive of her during the pregnancy, but she wasn't as sensitive as I thought she should have been towards me. She cried when I lost my baby, it devastated her, too. But she was just SO excited about her second addition to their family. It was excruciating watching her belly grow and all. My cure was having another baby, but I endured many months of despair. I hope you can find peace and comfort. It's a very difficult thing to experience.

:grouphug:

[kalanamak]

 

I have had 4 more pregnancies w/o a problem. The fear is there every time but (thank God) your odds of a repeat are really low. I waited 3 months. I had one Dr. tell me I had to wait a year. Another said 3 periods would ensure that the mole could not be regrowing.

 

I believe a current opinion is to follow HCG levels for 6 months and wait a year. There should be data out there about level of risk, if you don't want to rely on your doc having all the latest at the forefront of his or her memory banks.

 

I, personally, would focus on staying healthy to be a mother for decades by not getting pregnant right away. Trophoblastic cancer is, however, extremely curable, but still....I cannot forget my first week as a 3rd year, and a 20 year old woman in the ICU on huge doses of pressers and almost no blood pressure all night with this disease. I never called an attending so often. I think the cardiologist hated me forever after, but I was young and very sick at heart about her. She recovered, and was cured, but I know how close she was to death.

[newlifemom]

Hugs to you Susan. I just don't know how long you should wait. All I can say is, be real. If these people are your friends then don't try to be all perfect and happy all the time. Many a time, I have held a friend's newborn thinking I should have one too and cried a bit and still rejoiced with my friend. Maybe I am wonky, but I think you can be sad for your situation and happy for a friend. I wish I knew why some people experience loss like this, and others don't. It doesn't seem fair. But God . . . Please know that everyone reacts to loss differently. If it is too painful to be around pregnant woman, than distance. If it is hard, but maybe cathartic, then be around them. Don't feel like you have to be one way or the other. Just be real. I will be praying for you.

 

Sorry for the jumble of thoughts. It's late and I am very tired.

 

Again, :grouphug:

 

I just wanted to add, that it never fully goes away. It least it hasn't for me. There is a hole there in your heart. A piece is missing. What glorious hope though that someday it will not be. :001_smile:

Edited June 13, 2010 by newlifemom
forgot something

[susancollins]

Thanks for all the post and comments, it is great to have such a wonderful group who is so caring. One of the worst parts for me is the dreams; I dream that I deliver a stillborn. I am so afraid of loss again but I really don't feel my family is complete. From everything I have looked up the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology says to wait six months, if your levels drop to below zero in six weeks from D&C you can wait three months. I plan on waiting six months, and we are using methods to make sure we don't conceive but I can't find any evidence to validate waiting more than six months.

[DianeW88]

I had 4 miscarriages in a row between my 2nd and 3rd child, and the last miscarriage was twins to top it all off. It was very hard to deal with everyone around me having babies and me not being able to stay pregnant. The clincher was when my SIL got pregnant and said, "Well, I guess you're not the one in the family who's supposed to have a baby this year." :001_huh: Oddly enough, she miscarried 10 weeks later and I went on to become pregnant and DID give birth that year to a sweet baby boy.

 

I found that the best answer for me was to stay positive and count my blessings. I was fortunate enough to have two healthy, happy children while others couldn't have any at all. That helped me to appreciate what I had while I continued to hope and pray for another blessing in our family.....and he took 7 years to get here after my first miscarriage. And, he's still teaching me patience today. :glare:

 

Diane W.

married for 22 years

homeschooling 3 kiddos for 16 years