Today my dh asked me if ...

[Joker]

we get along too well. :001_huh: He was serious! He said two different friends at work this week were confiding about some disagreements at home and asked him for advice. He said he didn't feel like he had any to give since we so rarely argue. They thought that was strange. He then said he's been thinking about if there is such a thing as getting along too well. We do have arguments but they are short lived. I told him maybe it just seems that way because we agree on all the big stuff and when we do argue we talk it out pretty quickly. My parents divorced when I was 18 - so there was arguing. His parents have been married for 50 years and I've never heard them argue and he doesn't remember anything huge. My closest friend is always calling me about her latest problem with her dh. My favorite set of grandparents argued all the time - but in a loving way and it was funny to watch.

 

It's not something we're actually worried about but I thought it was interesting that dh was thinking there could be such a thing as getting along too well. Does anyone really think it could be a problem to get along too well? Just curious - thanks!

[Jean in Newcastle]

The only time I could see it being a problem is if one of the partners in the marriage was in agreement all the time out of fear, not out of genuine agreement. BTW - my dh and I rarely argue.

[Mommyof4ks]

I hope not, because my dh and I sound like you and your dh. We have not had a fight since the first year we were married. We do disagree on some things, but there is no reason to fight about it. We respect our differences.

[Peela]

I would say dont look for problems where there aren't any :001_smile:

 

However...having watched my father and his wife...it can also be that one or both partners are too frightened to speak up, too frightened of conflict to be really real and cut through emotional smokescreens that can develop in relationships. Do you feel really free to say whatever you think, speak from your heart, even if it may upset your partner? DO you hold back for fear of "rocking the boat"?

Sometimes a good argument can clear the air and get things grounded and get both partners knowing where they stand, and also bring more awareness to areas where they may not have been considerating the other's needs. I think it is common for women in particular to "swallow" their pain for the sake of peace in the relationship. I personally feel that if a relationship is serving only the relationship, or one partner, and not serving the needs for both parties to express and fly and live their life fully...there is something wrong.

 

However...we are all so different and there are no rules. There are bound to be people out there who just get on so well they don't need to argue :)

[Sophia]

That's great.

 

We have some friends who have been married 27 years, two kids, and never argue.

Dh made a comment about it to the husband who replied "What's there to argue about?!" in as shocked a voice as you can imagine. :rofl:

[Joker]

Thanks! It's not something I've ever worried about but dh had me thinking. It seems that lately all our friends are having problems and I think it just made us wonder how we've managed to not have any major issues.

[Rhonda in TX]

My MIL doesn't argue with FIL because of the way he reacts. She just puts up with all his cr*p. (he's not violent, just crabby)

 

My best friend never argued with her DH. Then he had an affair. In counseling, she found out that he had a lot of resentment over things that he felt like he could never bring up with her because she would sulk if he did. (I'm no way excusing his affair. I just bring it up because it's what led to her finding out about the problems she never knew existed.) They worked things out, but one thing they've had to learn how to do is be honest about what's bothering them.

 

That said... Some people really do get along very well. There's nothing wrong with that.