How do you prioritze things when you are to the point something has to give?

[rafiki]

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[Cheryl in NM]

My heart goes out to you. We have moved cross country 3 times in the last 18 months after living in the same place for 9 years.

 

1. Moving is very stressful and takes many months to recover from, not only fnancially, but emotionally also.

2. Find your energy "hogs". Where are you wasting energy/time? Cut that even a little bit if you can.

3. Spend 5 minutes every morning doing nothing. Just sit and relax, better yet, meditate.

 

Since you are at the 6 month point I bet that life will start to settle down for you. My thoughts are with you.

[Liz CA]

I used to be so organized and have a clean home. Then I had three kids in 3.5 years. My dh has always worked 11-12 hour days so it's pretty much me, we have no family close by. I thought it would get easier as the kids got older, they are pretty independent these days - 4, 6, & 8. I'm trying to keep the same pace as before and getting burnt out. It's not school, we've had a wonderful year, it's trying to juggle everything else too. We deal with food allergies (egg, soy, milk, nuts) so meals are not heat and eat. I'm trying new recipes and to make a list so I can make double and freeze one. I spend a lot of time library related, trying to track books, requesting books, etc.. We moved into a new state 6 months ago, so that has been a lot of work. For the last month or so I've been the last to bed, I'm tired. I usually chat with dh while he watches tv and I'm doing paperwork of somesort. My mom has commented that I'm always doing 10 things at once. The kids do help out with chores, but they are still young. Many they need help with or can't do yet. In the process of life, I've lost who I am and stopped taking time for myself. I haven't slept well this week, dh has even commented how I was like a rotisserie chicken.

 

I read some kind of test developed by the Mayo Clinic (? Can't remember for sure) and it assigned stress points to certain life events - positive and negative changes can count for stress points. Just moving a long distance and getting used to new house / city / environment were major stress points. I think we are all guilty at one time or another to think we can just plow ahead like we've always done, disregarding major life changes and pretend nothing has happened.

 

Otherwise and more directly answering your question, I would eliminate anything and everything that is not directly contributing to the welfare and comfort of my family including myself. No outside commitments for 3-6 months. Allow for time to get adjusted to new surroundings, getting to know the area and scoping out good places to go/see. Even if you feel you have done all that already, it would probably help not to have anything on your plate that can be considered extraneous. In other words, care for your children and husband. Take time to sit and relax or even take a bath/nap. Let all other things go until you feel better. You will find out the sun still rises and sets even if you have not gone through a chore list of 150 items in one day! ;)

 

Btw, not sleeping well can be a sign of adrenal fatigue - ask me how I know! Perhaps some good vitamins or specific adrenal support would help as well.

[Twinmom]

Michelle, I don't have any brilliant advice to give you, but I thought I'd throw some moral support your way because I am right there with you! I know how hard it is and I feel your frustration. I adopted 4 kids in 3.5 years (they are now 8, 6, 5 and 5...and the twins have special needs), I have a DH who travels, just moved 1000 miles from my entire family (not entirely a bad thing!) AND began home schooling as soon as we arrived in our new location (a shock to me, it wasn't planned!). I've gained 40 pounds since the kids came, have no time to exercise, I no longer work outside the home, and I am overwhelmed with laundry and cleaning. There's very little "me" left here, just as you describe, and it's frustrating.

 

You are not the only one who has times like these. When it gets deep around here (you know what I mean, I'm sure!), I try to remember that there are phases to life. In this phase of young children, I have to give up a lot of things. I'm not always happy about that. However, there will also never be another phase of life in which I get tons of sloppy kisses and get to hear "I love you, Mommy!" every hour or so. There will never be another phase of life in which I am brought carefully drawn stick pictures of a child holding my hand, nor will there ever be another time in which I'll get to watch my kids discover a stink bug for the first time (THAT was an adventure!). In the coming years, I will likely never again get to sing my children to sleep, watch them learn to love Jesus for the first time, nor cuddle up on the couch with hot chocolate and a fire to watch cartoons. There's a lot to like about this phase, if I'm honest with myself!

 

That said...yes, something has to give in my life as well. The first thing that I remind myself must go is my own attitude problem (not pointing at you here, just me! ;)). I have to remember that I can spend time bemoaning the "good ole days" when I had the freedom to pursue my education/career/etc., or I can enjoy what I have now...four adoring kiddos! The next thing that has to give is my house. It's just simply not going to stay clean right now (nor is the laundry ever going to be finished!), so I can decide either to fight a losing battle and be frustrated or lower my standards temporarily and be a happy mom. I can stay inside and pay homage to the "laundry god" or I can go outside and play with my kids while they wear the clothes they wore yesterday! :o I can feed them chicken nuggets for the third time this week so that I can finish math with DD, or I can spend all afternoon in the kitchen making a gourmet meal (may not work for you, but you get the general idea!). The next thing that has to go is my kids' desire to have everything they want RIGHT when they want it! I need time to take care of me, whether that means 30 minutes to exercise, 10 minutes to pray, 15 minutes to meal plan, etc. If my kids can't understand that, then they'll just have to get a grip. They've got me the other 23 hours a day, after all! :D

 

When I feel that I can't give anymore, I try to remind myself of what Jesus gave for me...far more than I can give for Him or to anyone else, for that matter. I remember that even Jesus needed quiet time to pray and organize His thoughts (how can I expect to be any different!). I remember that He didn't have a place to lay His head or laundry to overwhelm Him, and I give thanks for what I have. I remember that He gave His time almost solely to caring for and educating His flock of sheep...not so different from a mom of young ones, if you think about it. I remember that He gave His life for me, and He called me to give my life right back to Him. So, if I slid on into heaven with the extra 40 pounds still attached, completely exhausted and with my house still dirty and the laundry still undone but with kids who love Him, I'll have done alright!

 

I'm sure that this isn't exactly the practical advice that you were looking for, but I sure hope it was encouraging! There are definitely easier phases to life than the one you are in, but none that force us to become more like Christ every day.

 

(And, yes...I was interrupted at least 15 times by two 5 year olds...one who is doing his best to give me his pink eye...while typing this message! :D)

 

Best of luck.

[PariSarah]

Pick one thing a week, maybe--the most important thing, not the most urgent thing--to do an A+ job on. But everything else, I content myself with a B+.

 

Secondly, I prioritize by the long view. What can be fixed later, and what is being made permanent? What will I regret ten years from now? Twenty? Fifty?

 

So, as an example of the latter, when we got "surprised" by ds10 right at the beginning of our masters, our thinking went like this: loans can be paid back, but we can't go back and raise our son, and we can't go back and fix our GPA. So, we slowed down our program, elected not to work as much as we had planned, and did the program in 4 yrs, with good grades, with some student loan debt (sorry, Dave Ramsey!), and with no more than eight hours of child care per week.

 

I'm not sure we even noticed what condition the house was in!!

[pixelroper]

I always take a deep breath and focus on food, shelter and sleep. Don't laugh I'm serious. Because moms have the most diverse responsibilities, we can be spread thin fast. I revert to the basic needs list and catch up on sleep real quick. You will be more focused and have the energy needed to get things the way you want them instead of spinning your wheels. Once you get the food allergies addressed it will become second nature, that is a priority. Watched my sis do this, she had an initial crazy "What do I feed ds?" and the scramble for recipes etc. Now she handles it w/out thinking.

 

If you can't get your sleep needs met it will only get worse. Not that they are the ultimate in reliability but -- check out the 60 minutes sleep piece that ran a few weeks ago. Sleep than make a schedule that is reasonable for all.

 

Sweet dreams:)

[KidsHappen]

I can so-o-o relate to everything you are saying. My stress meter is pegged and everytime I think that it can't get any worse, it does. So I have taken to saying I am thankful that it's not any worse than it is. :grouphug:

[KidsHappen]

:iagree: Food, shelter & sleep. Pjs can be worn for a week at a time and there is a reason they make paper plates and plastic utensils. Floors can go at least a month before you start sticking to them and dust bunnies almost always hide under the couch. Clorox bleach wipes will take care of a bathroom in just a few swipes and school can be done in a prone position. Lighten the load and make it through the day.

 

I guess I did have some advice after all. :)

[rafiki]

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[Peela]

I prioritise sleep and an afternoon nap, and I prioritise taking care of myself. I am the central pin , and if I dont take care of me , since no one else does, then everything falls apart. I feel that that also models to my kids a healthy attitute to taking care of themselves.

And I use the Flylady system (in a haphazzard way) which helps me to prioritise everything else in my life. That was what used to bog me down....not knowing how to prioritise....and Flylady does that for you. It changed my life. i was spending too much time on the unimportant things and not enough on the more important ones. A system helps me get it all into perspective, including taking care of myself.

flylady.com