dc fighting/ sharing rooms

[teachermom2834]

I have 3 dc ages 12,10, and 7. They all currently share a room (huge basement boy room). We have a room upstairs that could be another bedroom but is currently our school room.

 

I am considering putting the 7 yo in what is now the school room because the 10 and 7 yo fight constantly. They are both at fault, as am I. I am working on the fighting but it is hard and progress is slow.

 

I can find other places to store our school stuff but it won't be terribly convenient. I will move the computer into my bedroom along with a bookshelf probably. I will have to set up bookshelves in the basement rec room to store the rest of our books. Each kid can have a crate they keep in the dining room where we do school anyway. Those crates can be put away for company.

 

I'm not thrilled about giving up the school room but would trade it for some peace and harmony between brothers.

 

Has anyone done this and did it help? The stubborn part of me doesn't want to reward the fighting (which is what it kind of feels like). That same stubborn part of me wants to MAKE them get along while in the same room. However, that stubborn part of me has made some parenting errors and I'm realizing that I don't always need to be so stubborn :(

 

Will giving them some space from each other help?

[stephanie78]

I can't really be of much help here but my experience with my own sister was this. We shared a room, from the time she was born, we moved 3 times and always shared a room. We fought like crazy but we also bonded during the odd moments we weren't fighting. There was the right before bed talks when the lights were out, and we were suppose to be going to sleep but weren't. I do believe that if we had not shared a room we may have never spent that time together. We have 5 bedrooms, but we don't use them all as bedrooms, I have my 2 girls share a room and my 2 boys share a room, the other rooms are our school room, and a sewing room for myself. I have my kids share a room because I want them to have those bonding moments. But that's just my opinion, which really doesn't mean much. Right now my youngest son and my youngest daughter are fighting like crazy so I can really feel where you are coming from on the needing peace. We are working on correcting the fighting but sometimes I just don't want to deal with it.

[TravelingChris]

My girls shared a room from the time the oldest was 4 until she was 11, I think. It was such a blessing to separate them. It cut way down on the arguing. Having a larger house cut down even further.

[Harriet Vane]

Can you divide the large basement room into smaller "rooms" using bookcases or curtains? Perhaps even consider a length of fencing from the hardware store? (I think that could look cool.)

[Sunshine State Sue]

There are 8 siblings in my family. I am #6. I shared a room with 1 or 2 until I was in my 2nd year of high school and enough of the older ones had moved out so that I could get my own room. I remember fighting with my sister who was a year younger than me often. I remember we had an imaginary line down the middle of the room that we were not allowed to cross except to enter/leave. As an adult, I notice that I am much more considerate of others than most. I attribute it to having to learn to live in a limited space with sibling(s) for years. In many ways, it was good training for marriage.

 

I agree with the bookcases to create a separate space within the large room. If one child got to have no roommate, I would think it would be the oldest since a teen is going to need/want some privacy. But, that probably would depend on the personality as well.

 

Good luck!

 

 

An amazing story: I was born on Dec 26. I once asked my mom if I interrupted her Christmas. She told me that they had gone to grandma's for the day and the 4 older ones stayed with grandma that night. When she laid down for bed and started having contractions, she and my dad left my next the remaining sibling with the upstairs neighbors and went to the hospital. We lived in a 2 flat. There were 2 bdrms/1 bath with kitchen/living room on the 1st floor and the same on the 2nd floor. After all the kids moved out, my parents rented out the upstairs. So, when my mom talked about the upstairs neighbors, I gasped. I asked about it and she told me that they had renters upstairs until child #7 arrived. I asked where we all slept in those 2 bdrms and she told me that the 3 oldest girls were in 1 room, 2 boys were in bunk beds in my parent's room, and I was in a crib in my parent's room. So, when I was born, after I came home from the hospital, I had 4 roommates! No wonder I like my space now. ;)

[Melissa in Australia]

I had 3 boys in the one room. they fought like anything. once we did an extension, and they had their own room. the fighting has dropped to almost nil. I really think children need their own personal space. especially when you are home schooling and they are with their siblings 24 hours a day.

[teachermom2834]

Thanks for all the opinions.

 

The oldest two do not fight at all and want to stay together so we would move the youngest out. He doesn't like the idea but I think I could make it very positive by letting him choose the decor, etc.

 

I will give it some more thought. I haven't even talked to dh yet. I am just so desperate. Something has got to change.