Summer and Asperger's/anxiety (long-ish)

[elise1mds]

I am going to lose my ever-lovin' mind. Either that, or DS is going to be the death of me. I'm not sure which will actually happen, but I am not going to survive summer with my son.

 

We follows DD's school schedule. They have a unique school schedule in that they have more (and longer) breaks during the school year and then a shorter summer vacation than other schools. We have been on Spring Break for two weeks. Last week the kids were fine, and I was able to get things done, which was a huge bonus since DD's birthday party was Saturday.

 

This week, DS is bored. He won't (can't?) *tell* you he's bored; he just can't (won't?) keep his hands off of ANYTHING. Cats, toys, his sister, me - everything is fair game. He's broken toys, caused his sister to create a brand-new "he's touching me" shriek, gotten cat scratches galore, and created messes so huge that they completely freak him out when it's time to clean up. I've tried to keep him busy with projects or books or playdates or chores or whatever, but by the end of every day, I'm exhausted from trying to keep him occupied and/or under control. Some of his old nervous tics are returning (rubbing up against things, grunting, etc.), and I know that a lot of it is due to the fact that we aren't on a regular schedule.

 

I should add that I think he's about to have another growth spurt. His face is looking chunkier than usual and he's having problems doing up his pants, and he always looks a bit chubby before he stretches it all out. Not that it's an excuse for his behavior this week. It's been out of control.

 

All that to ask, how do you survive summer?? I am planning on making a schedule where we have things to do each day, but I know that swimming, bowling, errand day, homeschool group, and a "school" day - including him making dinner, and it was HIS idea to make dinner one day each week he's out of school - are not going to take up entire days and he's going to get bored and lose his mind... which, in turn, will cause me to lose mine! Any suggestions on how to keep his anxiety in check but not overschedule him? I'd happily school him year-round except I can hear the fits about it already since his sister will still be on 'vacation.'

 

Any and all advice is appreciated. And thanks for letting me vent a bit. :)

[Guest]

Wow, that's hard.

 

Our lives do not change much over the summer compared to during the year, except that we hide indoors more to avoid crowds and heat.

 

One suggestion that came to my mind right away was whether there are special needs summer camps in your area? Where I live there are separate camps for kids on the spectrum, ADD, etc. plus lots of camps that have inclusion policies (we've had mixed results). If there is an autism social skills club near you, you might also check to see whether they run social summer programs or camps for kids. The downside, of course, is the cost (upside is everyone's sanity).

 

Another thing I wondered was whether your son has obsessional interests, and how you could use those to structure your summer: he could have a schedule he has to follow for a certain time to earn time with his favorite things, or maybe he could have a semi-educational program that revolves around some of his special interests. (We do this a LOT.)

 

It's hard during the summer to wear kids out without overheating them, but I've also found it helps get my Aspie physically tired. I have to find a few select activities she really enjoys in order to get her to work hard enough or regularly enough, but it's worth it when I find one.

[elise1mds]

KarenAnne, thanks for the support.

 

He has a few obsessions, and most of them revolve around electronics, which I try to limit because he has to "detox" after screen time. Creating a way to earn that time is a great idea!

 

I am going to check into a social skills group that meets monthly here. I had forgotten about it, because right now it conflicts with DD's violin lesson, but during the summer and next fall I can work the violin schedule so that we should be able to attend. I think having some friends who are in similar boats, so to speak, would be great. He has two best friends, twins, but they don't always "get" him and I think that will eventually take its toll, sad to say.

 

I'll check into summer camps, too. If they save my sanity, they are worth every penny.

[swellmomma]

Just a question, if your dd was not attending a private pre-k would you be expecting her to have school days at age 4 the same as ds? Also since you are not sure if you are going to homeschool her in the fall why not stick with a summer (light) scheduele including school for dd and do school each morning. Then the afternoons can be filled with the other activities. In my home my older kids do more school work than my youngers. They understand this, that they will have more to do than the 6 yr old and the 2 yr old does not have to do anything. Next week dd is gone for spring break and will not be doing school obviously, the boys still will. Even if you wanted to keep dd on break that should not mean your ds needs to have a break then too. He seems to thrive on the routine plus little sis is only 4, their school schedules would/should not be the same anyway.

 

I would school him through the summer, if there are complaints I would address those but keep schooling anyway. The routine will save your sanity and your son's. Add in the activities you have planned, and if you can find a summer camp etc and you will be set. It is obvious that other wise neither of you will fair well this summer if it is this stressful for you after only 2 weeks off.

[elise1mds]

Ah thanks for reminding me... I need to update my signature :) DD is going to continue at the private kindergarten this fall. We did a few days of trial homeschooling with her, and she was completely bewildered because she thought for some reason that her brother just played all day. Even just encouraging her to read and do some math-related games was too much. She's much happier in a school environment, at least for one more year. :)

[melmichigan]

We school year round but my three oldest go to a day camp in the summer for six weeks, M-TH from 10-3. This is my saving grace and my sanity. I don't know what we will do next summer when my oldest is to old to go with her sisters.

[Momto5]

Sara,

 

I hear the pain in your voice and am so sorry. :grouphug:

 

If it makes you feel any better (and less guilty), many us have the same feelings and situations. I find myself dreading summer where I used to love it. I love to have unstructured time as do 4 of my 5 children. Unfortunately, one child must have structure to stay in control. It makes it very hard to keep everyone happy.

 

I am watching the posts carefully for good ideas. For now, I send my special needs child to several 1-week camps spaced throughout the summer. It is a financial struggle but a week here and there allows her to stay in a structured environment and allows the rest of us to enjoy a very unstructured relaxed week.

 

Good luck to you.

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

Our schedule changes completely for summer time. We attend a summer pool club. Kids get swimming lessons in the morning and compete in up to four aquatic sports, swimming, synchronised swimming, diving and waterpolo.

We're at the pool every day. The first year was hard, but now it's like a second home. DS feels at ease now. And the one thing that I like is that he's facing a lot of his socialisation fears. He's improved quite a bit over the years. And since I have to stay at the pool too (it's not a drop-off thing), I can coach him through various situations.

[Dmmetler]

You might want to check with insurance. I've had several students who were able to attend an Asperger's day camp and have insurance pay for it, so long as they had a doctor willing to write a prescription for it.

[farmgirlinwv]

My 12 almost 13yo dd is ASish. I am looking into a summer skills program this summer. It is 8-11:30, M-Th, 6 weeks and costs $1400. It's pricey to me, so I'm going to check out the school in a couple of weeks.

 

My dd can amuse herself endlessly, so I don't have your problem per se. One thing I've found, and lots of aspie moms have found is that swimming is wonderful for aspie's. You might want to buy a summer pass to your community pool. It burns up energy and is social and outdoors.

 

I also think the structured AM and free afternoons is a good idea. Taking away my dd's favorite items (mp3 and computer) get her to shape up pretty quick. Also, giving her extra chores to earn $$ really motivates her. You may want to talk to him about that.

 

Good Luck!

 

Lisa

[elise1mds]

Yup, he loves to swim. I plan to be at the pool a lot. The problem is that it doesn't open till 1 p.m. and is closed on Mondays. Drives me nuts because I'd rather go in the morning before it gets blazing hot outside.

 

I've also revamped their allowance structure. It adds optional chores, but I can make them mandatory if I need to! ;)

 

Thanks, everyone :)

[Ibbygirl]

I am going to lose my ever-lovin' mind. Either that, or DS is going to be the death of me. I'm not sure which will actually happen, but I am not going to survive summer with my son.

 

We follows DD's school schedule. They have a unique school schedule in that they have more (and longer) breaks during the school year and then a shorter summer vacation than other schools. We have been on Spring Break for two weeks. Last week the kids were fine, and I was able to get things done, which was a huge bonus since DD's birthday party was Saturday.

 

This week, DS is bored. He won't (can't?) *tell* you he's bored; he just can't (won't?) keep his hands off of ANYTHING. Cats, toys, his sister, me - everything is fair game. He's broken toys, caused his sister to create a brand-new "he's touching me" shriek, gotten cat scratches galore, and created messes so huge that they completely freak him out when it's time to clean up. I've tried to keep him busy with projects or books or playdates or chores or whatever, but by the end of every day, I'm exhausted from trying to keep him occupied and/or under control. Some of his old nervous tics are returning (rubbing up against things, grunting, etc.), and I know that a lot of it is due to the fact that we aren't on a regular schedule.

 

I should add that I think he's about to have another growth spurt. His face is looking chunkier than usual and he's having problems doing up his pants, and he always looks a bit chubby before he stretches it all out. Not that it's an excuse for his behavior this week. It's been out of control.

 

All that to ask, how do you survive summer?? I am planning on making a schedule where we have things to do each day, but I know that swimming, bowling, errand day, homeschool group, and a "school" day - including him making dinner, and it was HIS idea to make dinner one day each week he's out of school - are not going to take up entire days and he's going to get bored and lose his mind... which, in turn, will cause me to lose mine! Any suggestions on how to keep his anxiety in check but not overschedule him? I'd happily school him year-round except I can hear the fits about it already since his sister will still be on 'vacation.'

 

Any and all advice is appreciated. And thanks for letting me vent a bit. :)

 

I'm sorry you're struggling with your son. For what it's worth, it seems to me from what you wrote that your ds might have some sensory issues with his hands. You said that he likes to touch everything. Maybe you can sent up a sensory center for him to play at where he can do play dough, or make macaroni pictures or finger paint or something?? What about pudding paintings where he can eat the pudding while he paints?? My son is severly Autistic and he has tons of sensory issues too. For years he bit his right index finger to the point that it was 3 times the size of his middle finger next to it. All the OT's kept telling me to give him a steady sensory diet so I was continually, brushing him, giving him massages, letting him play with beans and macaroni, taking him for walks, got him a trampoline and a swing and he still kept biting his finger. It took a behavioral therapist to point out to me that his sensory issues seemed to be focused on his hands and that I should try a sensory diet just for the hands and it worked! It got him to stop biting his finger. It is almost back to normal now! :)

 

My dd is also an Aspie and has ticks and sensory issues as well and keeping her busy with artsy craftsy, cooking hands on type stuff helps her as well. Just a thought.

 

My ds has the extended school schedule in PS as well and I do homeschool my dd through the summer too. We usually just do a light schedule and do lots of outdoor exercise for the other part of the day. We go swimming, walk to the park, go on outings etc. Lots of physical activity seems to be the key for us. They get tuckered out playing and swimming and then they are calmer in the afternoons. hehe

 

Best of luck to you with your dc. :grouphug:

 

Blessings,

Jennifer